My ex contacted me and I feel suicidal

[quakociaptockh]

So my ex wrote.

She was my first. I was f*ckin madly in love, but she never appreciated it. She wanted to cheat on me, but I broke up with her before that happened.
Later she had dozens of cocks, had threesomes and she got pregnant but had miscarriage.

That was the history. Now the present.

She's been married for 3 years, she and her husband are trying to have a baby. She has a big language school and she's making pretty good money.

Nice people's lives don't get better. Cheaters win. There's no justice. I'm not a nice guy anymore, but I have been redpilled too late in my life. I don't want to live on this planet. There is literally nothing for me here. I'm too old for "revenge by success".

There's no love for dudes like me.

I feel very suicidal at the moment and I started buying stuff, but it's probably not the time yet.

 

[quakociaptockh]

Yeah, now you ignore me when I need you the most. Thank you.

 

[Hozay]

 

[Deleted member 439]

what did she tell you?

 

[Hozay]

So my ex wrote.

She was my first. I was f*ckin madly in love, but she never appreciated it. She wanted to cheat on me, but I broke up with her before that happened.
Later she had dozens of cocks, had threesomes and she got pregnant but had miscarriage.

That was the history. Now the present.

She's been married for 3 years, she and her husband are trying to have a baby. She has a big language school and she's making pretty good money.

Nice people's lives don't get better. Cheaters win. There's no justice. I'm not a nice guy anymore, but I have been redpilled too late in my life. I don't want to live on this planet. There is literally nothing for me here. I'm too old for "revenge by success".

There's no love for dudes like me.

I feel very suicidal at the moment and I started buying stuff, but it's probably not the time yet.

dude its been 3 years, get a grip. how are you still sad over this?

 

[quakociaptockh]

dude its been 3 years, get a grip. how are you still sad over this?

It's been 20 years actually, lol. Some wounds never heal.

It's my parents' fault. I was abused by my father, he also tried to kill me. I have been suicidal since age 9, but I had only 1 attempt around the age of 20, after a breakup with the foid in question.

There are wounds that time does not heal. If you had your leg chopped, it will not grow back.

what did she tell you?

The things I wrote.

So she has a happy middle class life and I am rotting here.


Life does not get better. Looks like it's the time to start planning for escape.

 

[Hozay]

It's been 20 years actually, lol. Some wounds never heal.

It's my parents' fault. I was abused by my father, he also tried to kill me. I have been suicidal since age 9, but I had only 1 attempt around the age of 20, after a breakup with the foid in question.

There are wounds that time does not heal. If you had your leg chopped, it will not grow back.



The things I wrote.

So she has a happy middle class life and I am rotting here.


Life does not get better. Looks like it's the time to start planning for escape.

How old are you bro?

 

[quakociaptockh]

How old are you bro?

39

 

[Deleted member 5818]

Don’t hate the player hate the game son

 

[Hozay]

39

You must be the oldest here ngl. But suicide isn't a option.

 

[quakociaptockh]

I'm not the oldest here. There are many oldcels on this forum well into their 40s.



I lost. There's nothing waiting ahead.

I cut contact with most people who abused me in any way during my life, but there are days like now. Next time she writes I will tell her to delete my number and never contact me again, but what has been done will never be repaired.

 

[johncruz12345]

Dam. I cant believe someone lives rent free in your head for 20 years.

 

[Deleted member 11053]

If your 40 just wait till you die naturally, you don't want to take the risk of being punished for suicide after suffering for so long.

 

[turkproducer]

sounds like you’re externalising your past trauma and attributing to this one break up, i’m not sure what to say but eventually if you ever want any semblance of happiness you’re going to have to move on and forget; even though that sounds cliche

i do understand how u feel btw. I also was fucked up after my early experiences, but if you talk to more women the feeling fades. It has been 1.3 years since I broke up with my ex, and it doesn’t really bother me anymore. Was I fucked up for months? Yea kind of, but most of it was just being lonely and dramatic. After I found other options the feeling fades

 

[Deleted member 6217]

Tell me exactly what she texted you

 

[quakociaptockh]

I didn't have normal parents. When somebody has parents, they get attached to them forever. Then they are able to form normal relationships.

I wasn't attached to my parents, because my father was abusive and told me many times that he didn't want me in his house. My mother left us for around 1.5 year when I was 8-9. They are alien people to me.

When I got my first foid, I got attached to her as to a mother, in terms of being attached forever. The split with her gave me more suifuel than my biological parents. I was never close to them anyway.

That is the psychological expkanation.

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

 

[Pietrosiek]

Yes man. U had terrible family and thats a huge thing. Thats the reason of ur suffering. Can u explain ur situation rn? Work, financial situation etc. I will try to help

 

[Deleted member 6908]

What did she say to you to suggest she wanted to cheat on you?

 

[quakociaptockh]

Tell me exactly what she texted you

Her: Hello, blah blah blah. Recently you very often show in my dreams. Last night I was dreaming we went to our school, blah blah blah. How are you? How are you living? What's up with the pandemic?
Me: Hello, blah blah. I live in that city atm. They canceled all the dancing and I'm bored as phuck.
Her: Yeah, I'm guessing you only get to dance in your home at the moment. (Disclaimer: in my language this wording is an obvious reference to sex.)
Me: Unfortunately, yes. (I am being literal here.)
Her: How are you feeling mentally?
Me: (Ignored her question, continuing about dancing, travelling etc.) And what about you? Do you still live in that city?
Her: Yes we still live there. (She used plural for the first time.) We will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this year.
(This is where I got bad.)
Me: Congratulations.
Her: We are going to start to try to have a baby soon. I hope we succeed!
Me: Super. By the way, my brother has 2 babies and my other brother has 1.
Her: Wow! What about you? How's your situation with relationships and babies?
Me: I'm single. You know I don't find myself well in this world.
Her: But as long as I remember you want to have a relationship and babies, right?
Me: I dunno. The older I am the less I want it. There's no magic in all this anymore.
Her: Maybe the magic will come when you find the right person?
Me: No. I loved first few of my girls, but right now women only annoy me.
(Short exchange about foids. She defended them on the basis they are "emotional".)
Her: Do you have a car? Can you come to us?
(My mistake, I should have said "no" here.)
Me: There's a good bus connection from mine to yours.
Her: Great. I'll invite you as soon as the lockdown ends.
(Short exchange about covid.)

 

[quakociaptockh]

What did she say to you to suggest she wanted to cheat on you?

She wanted to have a 3some. Suggested it 2 or 3 times. One option was to take my brother's gf into the triangle. If I did that, my brother would hate me forever, but that was the point after all. Other times, there were other girls.

I turned her down, obviously, because I'm not that stupid. Her next step would be to arrange a 3some with 2 guys + her. Because she knew how badly I loved her, and that I could never watch her being fucked by another guy. She wanted me to suffer and she knew how to do it.

Then she met a guy. They didn't fuck, but she kissed him. This is where I broke up with her. Then she came to me all crying that she feels like a whore, that I'm bad that I didn't forgive her and that she doesn't know if she wants me or him, but she still demands to have a choice.

She knows how to play me. First she would try to open me up a bit, only to deliver some drama later.

She gave me the worst suicidal feelings in my life, yet I can't get her away from my head, because she's my "primary object of attachment" as Freud would say.

Now she's bragging how good her life is and that she got better than me. She won. My life is in shambles and she has everything.

Nice guys don't finish last. They finish alone.

 

[Deleted member 12856]

Her: Hello, blah blah blah. Recently you very often show in my dreams. Last night I was dreaming we went to our school, blah blah blah. How are you? How are you living? What's up with the pandemic?
Me: Hello, blah blah. I live in that city atm. They canceled all the dancing and I'm bored as phuck.
Her: Yeah, I'm guessing you only get to dance in your home at the moment. (Disclaimer: in my language this wording is an obvious reference to sex.)
Me: Unfortunately, yes. (I am being literal here.)
Her: How are you feeling mentally?
Me: (Ignored her question, continuing about dancing, travelling etc.) And what about you? Do you still live in that city?
Her: Yes we still live there. (She used plural for the first time.) We will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this year.
(This is where I got bad.)
Me: Congratulations.
Her: We are going to start to try to have a baby soon. I hope we succeed!
Me: Super. By the way, my brother has 2 babies and my other brother has 1.
Her: Wow! What about you? How's your situation with relationships and babies?
Me: I'm single. You know I don't find myself well in this world.
Her: But as long as I remember you want to have a relationship and babies, right?
Me: I dunno. The older I am the less I want it. There's no magic in all this anymore.
Her: Maybe the magic will come when you find the right person?
Me: No. I loved first few of my girls, but right now women only annoy me.
(Short exchange about foids. She defended them on the basis they are "emotional".)
Her: Do you have a car? Can you come to us?
(My mistake, I should have said "no" here.)
Me: There's a good bus connection from mine to yours.
Her: Great. I'll invite you as soon as the lockdown ends.
(Short exchange about covid.)

dude cut her off

 

[quakociaptockh]

Yes man. U had terrible family and thats a huge thing. Thats the reason of ur suffering. Can u explain ur situation rn? Work, financial situation etc. I will try to help

I'm a freelancer. "I can't be canceled, there's no way that you can stop me. / Fully independent, there's no label who can drop me."

Right now I don't have a contract, but I hope to get one soon. I have a bit of savings in bitcoin and I was able to live on in for the past few months and it's still growing.

I have some unsettled legal cases with some of my companies. I was procrastinating for too long and the tax authorities got interested. It wouldn't happen if I did everything right, but I was too depressed to move. I will get away with it, but it will be stressful.

 

[quakociaptockh]

dude cut her off

I did and I deleted her number, but she keeps texting every year or two.

 

[Deleted member 12856]

I did and I deleted her number, but she keeps texting every year or two.

pathetic of her

 

[Pietrosiek]

dude cut her off

indeed, dont be emotional. Try to act like a man. Maybe think about trt?

 

[TedKazanski]

I did and I deleted her number, but she keeps texting every year or two.

are you really a midget?

 

[Deleted member 275]

I didn't have normal parents. When somebody has parents, they get attached to them forever. Then they are able to form normal relationships.

I wasn't attached to my parents, because my father was abusive and told me many times that he didn't want me in his house. My mother left us for around 1.5 year when I was 8-9. They are alien people to me.

When I got my first foid, I got attached to her as to a mother, in terms of being attached forever. The split with her gave me more suifuel than my biological parents. I was never close to them anyway.

That is the psychological expkanation.

I can relate.

When normies lose their parents early in their life, people are all compassionate and saying how hard it must be to lose your mom or dad, etc.

But when you live with abusive retarded parents you have 0 connection with, it's literally 10 times worse than losing a parent. But you will never get compassion and nobody will ever give a shit.

Can't rely on compassion from normie fucks ever. World is cruel and brutal asf.

 

[Beetlejuice]

it is over

 

[quakociaptockh]

indeed, dont be emotional. Try to act like a man. Maybe think about trt?

I was on trt, but I stopped because of too much shedding. Now I'm on Eucapil, so I'm thinking of resuming.

 

[quakociaptockh]

are you really a midget?

Fuck yes, because you know what? My parents didn't feed me. I had to find food myself.

I was literally starved as a child and that's why I didn't grow to my full height. Also, my chest is slightly sunken and my legs are a bit underdeveloped. It's not death sentence tier, but it doesn't look good.

Chest can be fixed by keeping really lean, then it's not that visible. There's nothing I can do with legs, except wearing loose pants.

 

[Pietrosiek]

Fuck yes, because you know what? My parents didn't feed me. I had to find food myself.

I was literally starved as a child and that's why I didn't grow to my full height. Also, my chest is slightly sunken and my legs are a bit underdeveloped. It's not death sentence tier, but it doesn't look good.

Chest can be fixed by keeping really lean, then it's not that visible. There's nothing I can do with legs, except wearing loose pants.

how tall are u? Hmm i heard that u can fix this sunken chest, im not sure how tho

 

[Deleted member 4797]

Well her husband isn't winning he wife'd up a huge slut

 

[quakociaptockh]

how tall are u? Hmm i heard that u can fix this sunken chest, im not sure how tho

169cm.

Yes, you can fix chest, but in my case leanmaxing does the thing.

 

[Pietrosiek]

169cm.

Yes, you can fix chest, but in my case leanmaxing does the thing.

ok. Just focous on what u can improve.

 

[quakociaptockh]

Well her husband isn't winning he wife'd up a huge slut

And who is?

All dudes I know married sluts, incl. my father.

Are there any tradfoids left and how do we find them?

I almost got to terms with the fact I'll have to have my kids with a slut.

 

[Deleted member 4797]

And who is?

All dudes I know married sluts, incl. my father.

Are there any tradfoids left and how do we find them?

I almost got to terms with the fact I'll have to have my kids with a slut.

Muslim guys are lucky enough, or dudes who married their High School girlfriends.

Marrying a slut still sucks and it doesn't make it any better that most other guys are doing it too. The psychological effects it has on your wife that she was a slut are brutal, those women are miserable and annoying af, no femininity left or anything of value. They are just soulless corpses being prostituted to their husbands who just accept a piece of shit wife because no other options.

The West is absolutely fucked for almost everybody basically thanks to sexual liberation, depression is extremely common and going upwards further.

 

[Deleted member 6045]

I did and I deleted her number, but she keeps texting every year or two.

Rule 1 of serious break ups is block them and never contact again. I had a summer fling bout 1.5 years ago now and had to block her multiple times she was psycho. After radio silence for like 4 months she called me one last time and I was very stern and just said don’t contact me again I’ll call the police. Women always want revenge it’s just not your issue only will bring you stress

 

[quakociaptockh]

Rule 1 of serious break ups is block them and never contact again. I had a summer fling bout 1.5 years ago now and had to block her multiple times she was psycho. After radio silence for like 4 months she called me one last time and I was very stern and just said don’t contact me again I’ll call the police. Women always want revenge it’s just not your issue only will bring you stress

She wrote from a different number, and I didn't expect her and I wasn't prepared tbh.

 

[Deleted member 6045]

She wrote from a different number, and I didn't expect her and I wasn't prepared tbh.

Ya they do that. I always say “it’s best we just don’t talk again and go our separate ways on good terms. I’ll only remember the good times” even if I despise them. If they cheat always immediately dump and block bc there’s nothing left in that relationship. It’s tough when you’ve been with them for a long time and never thought they would do that to you but you need some convictions it’ll be much easier. Also a point for anyone reading this: don’t string them along after they cheat letting them think everything is ok when you’re just using them for sex until you find a new better girl and then drop them. Got my car keyed that way and was ngl a little scared she might break into my house and kill me in my sleep... it’s just not worth it even if it does seem like you’re getting revenge bc women always have to have the last word

 

[warpsociety]

send her snap?

 

[0kami123]

I'm a freelancer. "I can't be canceled, there's no way that you can stop me. / Fully independent, there's no label who can drop me."

Right now I don't have a contract, but I hope to get one soon. I have a bit of savings in bitcoin and I was able to live on in for the past few months and it's still growing.

I have some unsettled legal cases with some of my companies. I was procrastinating for too long and the tax authorities got interested. It wouldn't happen if I did everything right, but I was too depressed to move. I will get away with it, but it will be stressful.

Did your parents basically leave you to your own devices? My parents never gave a flying fuck about me.

 

[quakociaptockh]

Did your parents basically leave you to your own devices? My parents never gave a flying fuck about me.

I wish they did.

My father was drunk all the time and beat me when he was around, so I liked when he wasn't. My mother was working and she was never home.

It's not that they left me alone, they were an actual threat.

Can you imagine I didn't take a shower until I was about 15? Because I couldn't let myself be caught naked, because in that case I would have to run away naked. I always had my shoes prepared in case I had to run. Later I learned to save pennies in order to buy a ticket to go to my grandpa, but he would send me back after couple of days eventually.

It was something worse than abuse, my life was in danger.

I'm oficially counting my depression since age of 12, but once I found my comics I drew when I was 9. And in my comics the characters were suicidal. I actually drew guys committing suicide at the age of 9 or earlier. I don't remember much from this time tbh and one of my therapists noticed I had a memory hole around that age.

 

[Deleted member 2632]

You need to take revenge, suicide solves nothing, nobody will care, or remember you, or feel sorry for you

Im so tired of Low T men committing suicide, there are many enemies in our nation we must take action, if you must die let it be a warrior's death

 

[everythingisacope]

Her: Hello, blah blah blah. Recently you very often show in my dreams. Last night I was dreaming we went to our school, blah blah blah. How are you? How are you living? What's up with the pandemic?
Me: Hello, blah blah. I live in that city atm. They canceled all the dancing and I'm bored as phuck.
Her: Yeah, I'm guessing you only get to dance in your home at the moment. (Disclaimer: in my language this wording is an obvious reference to sex.)
Me: Unfortunately, yes. (I am being literal here.)
Her: How are you feeling mentally?
Me: (Ignored her question, continuing about dancing, travelling etc.) And what about you? Do you still live in that city?
Her: Yes we still live there. (She used plural for the first time.) We will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this year.
(This is where I got bad.)
Me: Congratulations.
Her: We are going to start to try to have a baby soon. I hope we succeed!
Me: Super. By the way, my brother has 2 babies and my other brother has 1.
Her: Wow! What about you? How's your situation with relationships and babies?
Me: I'm single. You know I don't find myself well in this world.
Her: But as long as I remember you want to have a relationship and babies, right?
Me: I dunno. The older I am the less I want it. There's no magic in all this anymore.
Her: Maybe the magic will come when you find the right person?
Me: No. I loved first few of my girls, but right now women only annoy me.
(Short exchange about foids. She defended them on the basis they are "emotional".)
Her: Do you have a car? Can you come to us?
(My mistake, I should have said "no" here.)
Me: There's a good bus connection from mine to yours.
Her: Great. I'll invite you as soon as the lockdown ends.
(Short exchange about covid.)

kill yourself if you literally planned on visiting her, and kill yourself twice if you are going to do it...
son, or may I say father, as you were with this chick together when I was born u are c u c k e d

 

[quakociaptockh]

kill yourself if you literally planned on visiting her, and kill yourself twice if you are going to do it...
son, or may I say father, as you were with this chick together when I was born u are c u c k e d

You are right, I am cucked.

She caught me off guard. I deleted her number long ago. She keeps messaging me very rarely. I just said what I usually say, when someone wants to meet I usually agree.

 

[everythingisacope]

You are right, I am cucked.

She caught me off guard. I deleted her number long ago. She keeps messaging me very rarely. I just said what I usually say, when someone wants to meet I usually agree.

just stop responding in the future.

 

[Deleted member 5634]

Im sorry boyo. I will completely ignore any type of contact tbh, she just wants to deceive you.

 

[Deleted member 8576]

D

 

[Deleted member 5634]

I literally insulted my ex until she got so mad she blocked me out of everywhere is like burning a boat, you cant go back.