DRACOX
Iron
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2025
- Posts
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This is me opening up about my life.
Thank you org
Important stats about me:
Mixed (black father, white mother)
EARLY LIFE (0yo-11yo)
My early years of life were very good actually and I enjoyed them very much. Even though my parents divorced when I was very young it never bothered me too much. My life was very average until first grade.
First and second grade were nothing but average. Nothing blackpill wise important happened. But I was a very social kid, I played football and changed teams often which made me insanely good at making friends fast (this would be helpful soon).
After 2nd grade was over I changed schools and life was about to get amazing. 3rd grade to end of 5th grade was fucking amazing. I was literally CL for kids my age and thanks to my insane socializing skills life was fucking good. I was the only mixed person in our school and just overall looked very good for my age. My moms friends would always compliment me for my looks and one even said ”DRACOX has such a good skull shape”. My friends, teachers and classmates would also always call me good looking.
I started to realise my looks at around 4th grade though. This was because around this time our class made a group chat. We would often play truth or dare in the gc and the most asked question would always be ”whos your crush”. 90% of the girls in my class would say my name. Also a lot of girls confessed to me privately, but I didnt want to be together with anyone back then since I was too young to care about girls(I just cared about overwatch and football).
I vividly remember like 3 girls who would glaze me everyday and one of those girls lied to everyone that she was pregnant with my baby. Now obviusly that was impossible since I was a KHHV and were like 10, but it was a little drama for like 3 days.
I did have my first (and only) kiss though during this time and it was the girl on my class who every guy had a crush on. She was actually a very nice and cute girl. We were too young to really do anything though so thats all that happened. Also the kiss was just a little peck nothing big.
Start of 6th grade (12yo) I noticed the attetion on me had started slowly going away. I didnt think much about it though since I didnt care much about girls and overall I was too busy on other areas of life. Now what I mean by the ”attetion on me” is that girls wouldnt glaze me as much and I didnt get many confessions.
But its important to know that I was still too young to really care about girls so my life quality didnt change. Back then I even thought life was better, since now I wouldnt have to turn down so many girls (sometimes it was really akward).
Also I was doing really well in football.
Overall the future looked very good and I had a lot of friends. But suddenly everything would go to fucks.
START OF DISGUSTING SUB5 LIFE AND ACCEPTING MY DESCENSION (12yo - 16yo).
Beginning of insane descension:
Now after 6th grade was over we went to upper secondaryschool/middle school AKA 7th grade (school in my country is weird). We were all 13yo now and basically we went to this giant school that united like 6 schools. So 5 different schools worth of new ppl suddenly engulfed me. The other schools had way better baddies but also I wasnt the most handsome guy anymore.
As the new part of my life started people obviously started hitting puberty. Most guys puberty would mean hitting a growth spurt and getting muscles facial hair etc. For me though, it would be the start of my descension to sub5.
During the first months of 7th grade I already noticed guys and friends around me changing. Making new friends was also harder than before but still not hard. I also had my old friends so I didnt really care. The girls also started growing up and I started getting interested in sex and wanted to get a girlfriend.
As I was still trying to understand all this new stuff, I suddenly started descending in rapid speed. I went from a gl lightskin boy to a skinnyfat, pimple faced, short lil ethnic boy. I didnt grow much, i didnt get facial hair, muscles or bone growth. I did get facial fat and pimples though. Also my mom was cutting my hair and other guys were visiting barbers so I was fucking chopped okay? (I was oblivious to my looks though bcs I didnt understand such a concept. I had grown up until this point doing nothing and getting called good looking.)
During this time my friends had made new female friends and I also wanted some girls to talk to and maybe get a girlfriend. But everytime I would try to join a conversation I would basically be closed off from the circle of people talking and just stand outside the circle like a faggot cuck npc nigger and try and throw comments every now and then (I got completely ignored).
Start of inceldom:
Since every guy was simping the girls at this age basically everytime a girl would come up it would mean I would be alone. Let me explain by giving a real example of what would happen on a daily basis.
I would walk and joke around with my friends who were at the very least ltn and one was 6’1 htn (at 13 btw). —> group of girls would come —> my friends would ditch me and go talk to the girls —> i would try to join, but would be closed of the conversation and ignored. —> eventually I would go sit alone and play clash royale like a npc loner.
So seeing girls for me would mean my friends ditching me and me being alone like a retard for a long time. Also my other friends had started distancing themselves from me or they would also make female friends or girlfriends and repeat earlier situation.
Descending even more:
Eventually 7th grade was over and so begun 8th grade. I hyped myself up all summer that this would be my year and I would make all these new friends and all the girls would like me. In reality I had descended even more and became true sub 5. My pimples had developed into acne and I got even more skinnyfat. I looked literally like a fucking freak. My friends had grown height, mass and didnt develop acne. They all lost their virginity this year. Me tho, I had to go through numerous brutal blackpill experiences.
Couple of brutal BP stories from this time:
Story 1:
I was often laughed at by girls and guys, and people would always comment on how ugly my pimples looked. I would always jester at my own expense to get any sort of attention. One of the worst expiriences was when one of my friends invited me on a 2 man. Now I was still oblivious to blackpill or looks etc. since I was 14yo, so I figured since these girls didnt know me I could pretend to be a cool guy instead of a jester.
We ended up meeting the girls near their school and my friend mogged the fuck outta me he was htn facially and had grown to about 6'2 now (14yo btw). His frame was also insane. The girls basically ignored me while I tried to join in on them. I was cucked the whole day, but at the end before leaving I figured id make my move and asked the better looking girls snapchat. She and her friend looked at me then at each other and started laughing. She never said yes or no, just laughed at my attempt and then changed the subject.
And now the most brutal part: They pretended to go home to get me to leave. Then they met up again with my friend and stayed outside for a while. My friend even snapped to me when I was home and exposed what they did. Me friend years later told me the girl whos snapchat I asked called me a nigger to my friend for asking her snap(they were all white btw).
Story 2:
This was during the end of 8th grade when I still had some hope, that I could experience teenage love. I was talking to this girl on snapchat who really seemed to like me. She was really nice and always complimented me. During this time I experienced a fraction of what for others my age was normal and it made me the happiest guy you could find. After talking to her for around 1-2 weeks, my friend told me about a girl he was talking who wanted to come to his place during the next summer vacation. I hyped him up since he was also a KHHV like me. Now skip about a month and its summer, im still talking to this girl. Ive recently been amassing courage to ask her out. While I was still charging up my courage one evening my friends starts messaging me on snap saying he finally fucked a girl and they both lost their virginity to each other. We talked for like 20mins and he explained everything that happened and hyped him up. Then he sends a snap to me. Its him laying next to the girl I had fallen for. My heart immedetialy dropped and it broke me. I told him I had also been talking to her and he confronted her and she was talking to like 5 guys at the same time. But of course, the one who took her virgnity was my one and only virgin friend who I could relate with.
Now I was the only virgin in our friend group, and my friend lost his virginity to the girl I had been talking to JFL. I still wonder why I didnt kill myself that day but I was coping so hard. My brain has literally locked that memory away and I never think about it unless I think about my sad past. So I was literally cucked by my ltn virgin friend through snapchat. The girl also got mad at me for "ruining" their relationship, but I just blocked her. I couldnt sleep for like a week after that. That was my final straw and after that I completely gave up.
GIVING UP 9TH GRADE (15-16yo)
At this point I went to 9th grade and suprise suprise nothing changed. I was still the joke of everyone around me, the girls would pretend I dont exist unless I jestered on my own expense and my friends would show me videos of them giving backshots to girls that would never acknowledge my existence. Also the guys would push, shove and punch my skinnyfat short ass all over and I just laughed at it and let them bully me like the low test cuck I was.
Another brutal story (almost roped) (just laughing at the pain)
During the end of 9th grade shit got even worse as my 2 year long acne finally developed to cystic acne and people were literally disgusted at me. After the end of 9th grade we had a graduation party since we would all go to high school next year. Everyone would go to eat and after eating a huge party would be hosted. I had been waiting for this a long time since I thought I could have my first slay there. During graduation day I had even told my mother I would attend this party and she gave me some money so I could pay for the food. I tried asking my friends during the gradution at school where everyone would be meeting (obviously nobody told me anything before). But my friends kept shifting the subject.
After the graduation at school was over I still noticed that they wouldnt tell me so I confronted them since everyone would soon leave to eat and then party. What my friends told me now shocked me. They said "Arent you in the groupchat?" I asked "What groupchat?" they just had this face of laughing at me but also feeling bad for me.
One of my friends pulled out his phone and showed me. In the groupchat of like 70ppl or more they had said days earlier "Nobody tell DRACOX by the way." and the one thing that hurt me the most was one message that said "Yeah he literally takes my appetite away." (referring to my acne). I pretended to be okay and went in a forest to cry (first time I cried since like 9yo btw). I then just sat in the forest playing clash royale for like 7 hours because I didnt want to go home and tell my mom I was ditched. Then after like 7+ hours I went home and pretended I had an amazing time. My friends had been sending me snaps this whole time btw and I was so fucking sad. For the next couple days I would literally sit in the bathroom and just cry. Especially the nights were hard.
I finally realised that this is my life now, im the loser from those fucking disney movies and shit, except that theres no happy ending for me niggas. This is also when I discovered looksmax.org (I would also lurk here for the next around 2-3 years).
Only a couple weeks after that one day I went to the top of our apartment building and sat there for like 3 hours researching topics related to suicide on google and trying to muster up courage to jump. I even wrote a suicide note that I was gonna send on text to my mom right before jumping. But luckily I ended up not doing that.
HIGH SCHOOL ASCENSION AND LIFE IMPROOOOOVES (but im a retarded beaten up dog mentally) (16-18yo)
After that depressing summer during which I only gamed on my ps4 I started high school. I went to a completely different school than people from my old school, so I had a chance to pretend to be a different guy since these people didnt know me from before. But I had completely given up at this point. The first day of high school I was a cystic acne filled skinny lil ethic boy and I thought life now would be even worse since I starved for social and romantic connection even more.
But luckily for me life had begun changing. I had hit my growth spurt a while earlier and was still growing, so I grew a lot in like 8months and also my bones started growing. My mother also finally realised I need a dermatologist and all this "wash you face" shit doesnt work, so I got proper medication for my cystic acne (tetralysal). Which cleared my face in around 4 months, I also started spending all my money on clothes and drip.
Around 8 months after high school started I had COMPLETELY changed, I cant even stress how big this change was. I ascended in every way skin, drip, height, physique, face and I had way more money from odd jobs ( THANK YOU LOOKSMAX.ORG, THIS PLACE USED TO BE SO GOOD). A lot was thanks to .Org especially the drip since I thugmaxxed and started using earrings etc. (fits lightskin pheno perfectly btw). Also my body finally locked in and started working on the positive effects of puberty.
But mentally I was still the same nigger every girl laughed at. The same lil guy that got shoved around was a punching bag jester. I was WAY LESS social and WAY LESS nt than I used to be due to being physically and mentally abused for 3 years. I was now a high inhib ND social retard that has way more knowledge about ww2 fighterplanes than most historians. But I dressed, looked and tried to act like a slayer thug lightskin.
And thanks that I literally made like 20 new friends in a month without even doing anything that differently. I finally started socializing again and my life quality improved so much. I also noticed a lot of girls in my school (especially the older ones for some reason) staring at me during breaks and lunch. But guys I was so fucking scared of women. Almost all my friends once again had female friends who would come talk to us, but I would always be quiet. Just like I had learned to be. I was in my place, at least it used to be my place. Just sitting there, not being part of the conversation.
But now suddenly the girls were asking me "DRACOX why arent you saying anything?" and they were trying to talk to me and include me in the conversation. What? Was socializing really this easy? (Now I realise this is literally all because I ascended and thugmaxxed.)
(Looking back now I realise I was a retard, I couldve iniated so many more conversations and slayed so much but I was too scared. Too scared ill end up where I used to be. Being some dumb nigga that everyone laughs at and abuses.)
Now there was even more pressure to make sure I keep my looks and absolutely do not do anything weird. Omg so many girls literally stared at me I shouldve just went over and talk to them but back then I was so FUCKING SCARED MAN.
Anyways 2nd year of high school 3 different girls ask me to prom and I just go with the one who asked me first. (later find one of the school stacylites wanted to go with me.) The girl I went to prom with was a ltb facially with a big ass so I wasnt sad at all. I was so happy that someone even asked me to go. But again due to my earlier life experiences I still couldnt believe someone would actually be attracted to me, so when she asked me to go eat with her after prom I declined.
I was still just rotting on .Org and thinking about all my old experiences of jestering, being laughed at and being a retard all that shit. My bodydismorphia was at an alltime high and I hated going outside because mentally I was still sub5. I basically just rotted in home everyday after school gaming and scrolling Org.
3RD YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. REALISATION THAT I HAVE ASCENDED (18-19YO)
Now during this time ive been socializing at school but rotting at home for the past 2years of high school. Still no gf (bcs im retarded) and im basically KHHV. But one day as im going home from school on the bus a group of my schoolmates take the same bus as I do. (This is weird since usually im the only one taking this bus.) One of the guys in the group is my friend, he sees me and signals everyone to come to where I am, so they all sit at the back with me. One of them is one of my schools stacylites and she starts talking to me. After a while she asks me
Stacylite "Why did you go to prom with that girl?"
Me "She asked me first."
Stacylite "Ahaha really? I wanted to go with you."
Me (retard) "Too bad u didnt ask me."
Stacylite "True."
And subjects change.
A couple days after I realise that I couldve literally bagged her right there so easily. But due to how I was fucked over during my developing years I was incapale of realising it. I was incapable of accepting someone could like me. But I know she wouldnt have talked to me like that if I was chopped. But when I looked in the mirror I just saw a bunch of flaws. I realised and accepted the fact that I must have body dismorphia. But it was too late now high school was about to end soon and I would go to college. So I decided to start working out, start eating healthy and trying to improve my mental. No matter how good I look im too fucked mentally to actually have a relationship or enjoy the romantic parts of life.
So I started my redemption arc.
REDEMPTION ARC AND IMPROVING MENTAL (19yo-today)
I started by instagram maxxing but got too scared so I quit half way JFL. After that failed I just decided to order a bunch of new clothes for summer and college to feel more confident. Also continue working out and eating well. But the most important part. I stopped analyzing myself by ignoring mirrors. I stopped looking at mirrors (unless obviously im putting my hair etc) and stopped analyzing pics of myself. It has helped so much. I want to start instagram maxxing and adding girls on insta and trying to talk to them. I have a lot of shit I want to do, but I must fix my mental first.
I have noticed my mental getting a bit healthier, but somedays I feel just like I used to. College will start in under a month and I want to be a completely new person mentally (physically no obviously). I want to have a healthy romantic relationship. I feel like if I get 1 healthy relationship, it will be a major boost for my confidence and will help me on my journey to being a mentally normal person once again. Although I know deepdown I will never forget my life during those years from 12-16yo.
DONE
"In my youth I knew the hardships of the world,Thank you org
Important stats about me:
Mixed (black father, white mother)
EARLY LIFE (0yo-11yo)
My early years of life were very good actually and I enjoyed them very much. Even though my parents divorced when I was very young it never bothered me too much. My life was very average until first grade.
First and second grade were nothing but average. Nothing blackpill wise important happened. But I was a very social kid, I played football and changed teams often which made me insanely good at making friends fast (this would be helpful soon).
After 2nd grade was over I changed schools and life was about to get amazing. 3rd grade to end of 5th grade was fucking amazing. I was literally CL for kids my age and thanks to my insane socializing skills life was fucking good. I was the only mixed person in our school and just overall looked very good for my age. My moms friends would always compliment me for my looks and one even said ”DRACOX has such a good skull shape”. My friends, teachers and classmates would also always call me good looking.
I started to realise my looks at around 4th grade though. This was because around this time our class made a group chat. We would often play truth or dare in the gc and the most asked question would always be ”whos your crush”. 90% of the girls in my class would say my name. Also a lot of girls confessed to me privately, but I didnt want to be together with anyone back then since I was too young to care about girls(I just cared about overwatch and football
).I vividly remember like 3 girls who would glaze me everyday and one of those girls lied to everyone that she was pregnant with my baby. Now obviusly that was impossible since I was a KHHV
and were like 10, but it was a little drama for like 3 days.I did have my first (and only) kiss though during this time and it was the girl on my class who every guy had a crush on. She was actually a very nice and cute girl. We were too young to really do anything though so thats all that happened. Also the kiss was just a little peck nothing big.
Start of 6th grade (12yo) I noticed the attetion on me had started slowly going away. I didnt think much about it though since I didnt care much about girls and overall I was too busy on other areas of life. Now what I mean by the ”attetion on me” is that girls wouldnt glaze me as much and I didnt get many confessions.
But its important to know that I was still too young to really care about girls so my life quality didnt change. Back then I even thought life was better, since now I wouldnt have to turn down so many girls (sometimes it was really akward).
Also I was doing really well in football.
Overall the future looked very good and I had a lot of friends. But suddenly everything would go to fucks.
START OF DISGUSTING SUB5 LIFE AND ACCEPTING MY DESCENSION (12yo - 16yo).
Beginning of insane descension:
Now after 6th grade was over we went to upper secondaryschool/middle school AKA 7th grade (school in my country is weird). We were all 13yo now and basically we went to this giant school that united like 6 schools. So 5 different schools worth of new ppl suddenly engulfed me. The other schools had way better baddies but also I wasnt the most handsome guy anymore.
As the new part of my life started people obviously started hitting puberty. Most guys puberty would mean hitting a growth spurt and getting muscles facial hair etc. For me though, it would be the start of my descension to sub5.
During the first months of 7th grade I already noticed guys and friends around me changing. Making new friends was also harder than before but still not hard. I also had my old friends so I didnt really care. The girls also started growing up and I started getting interested in sex and wanted to get a girlfriend.
As I was still trying to understand all this new stuff, I suddenly started descending in rapid speed. I went from a gl lightskin boy to a skinnyfat, pimple faced, short lil ethnic boy. I didnt grow much, i didnt get facial hair, muscles or bone growth. I did get facial fat and pimples though. Also my mom was cutting my hair and other guys were visiting barbers so I was fucking chopped okay? (I was oblivious to my looks though bcs I didnt understand such a concept. I had grown up until this point doing nothing and getting called good looking.)
During this time my friends had made new female friends and I also wanted some girls to talk to and maybe get a girlfriend. But everytime I would try to join a conversation I would basically be closed off from the circle of people talking and just stand outside the circle like a faggot cuck npc nigger and try and throw comments every now and then (I got completely ignored).
Start of inceldom
:Since every guy was simping the girls at this age basically everytime a girl would come up it would mean I would be alone. Let me explain by giving a real example of what would happen on a daily basis.
I would walk and joke around with my friends who were at the very least ltn and one was 6’1 htn (at 13 btw). —> group of girls would come —> my friends would ditch me and go talk to the girls —> i would try to join, but would be closed of the conversation and ignored. —> eventually I would go sit alone and play clash royale like a npc loner.
So seeing girls for me would mean my friends ditching me and me being alone like a retard for a long time. Also my other friends had started distancing themselves from me or they would also make female friends or girlfriends and repeat earlier situation.
Descending even more
:Eventually 7th grade was over and so begun 8th grade. I hyped myself up all summer that this would be my year and I would make all these new friends and all the girls would like me. In reality I had descended even more and became true sub 5. My pimples had developed into acne and I got even more skinnyfat. I looked literally like a fucking freak. My friends had grown height, mass and didnt develop acne. They all lost their virginity this year. Me tho, I had to go through numerous brutal blackpill experiences.
Couple of brutal BP stories from this time
:Story 1:
I was often laughed at by girls and guys, and people would always comment on how ugly my pimples looked. I would always jester at my own expense to get any sort of attention. One of the worst expiriences was when one of my friends invited me on a 2 man. Now I was still oblivious to blackpill or looks etc. since I was 14yo, so I figured since these girls didnt know me I could pretend to be a cool guy instead of a jester.
We ended up meeting the girls near their school and my friend mogged the fuck outta me he was htn facially and had grown to about 6'2 now (14yo btw). His frame was also insane. The girls basically ignored me while I tried to join in on them. I was cucked the whole day, but at the end before leaving I figured id make my move and asked the better looking girls snapchat. She and her friend looked at me then at each other and started laughing. She never said yes or no, just laughed at my attempt and then changed the subject.
And now the most brutal part: They pretended to go home to get me to leave. Then they met up again with my friend and stayed outside for a while. My friend even snapped to me when I was home and exposed what they did. Me friend years later told me the girl whos snapchat I asked called me a nigger to my friend for asking her snap(they were all white btw).
Story 2:
This was during the end of 8th grade when I still had some hope, that I could experience teenage love. I was talking to this girl on snapchat who really seemed to like me. She was really nice and always complimented me. During this time I experienced a fraction of what for others my age was normal and it made me the happiest guy you could find. After talking to her for around 1-2 weeks, my friend told me about a girl he was talking who wanted to come to his place during the next summer vacation. I hyped him up since he was also a KHHV like me. Now skip about a month and its summer, im still talking to this girl. Ive recently been amassing courage to ask her out. While I was still charging up my courage one evening my friends starts messaging me on snap saying he finally fucked a girl and they both lost their virginity to each other. We talked for like 20mins and he explained everything that happened and hyped him up. Then he sends a snap to me. Its him laying next to the girl I had fallen for. My heart immedetialy dropped and it broke me. I told him I had also been talking to her and he confronted her and she was talking to like 5 guys at the same time. But of course, the one who took her virgnity was my one and only virgin friend who I could relate with.
Now I was the only virgin in our friend group, and my friend lost his virginity to the girl I had been talking to JFL
. I still wonder why I didnt kill myself that day but I was coping so hard. My brain has literally locked that memory away and I never think about it unless I think about my sad past. So I was literally cucked by my ltn virgin friend through snapchat. The girl also got mad at me for "ruining" their relationship, but I just blocked her. I couldnt sleep for like a week after that. That was my final straw and after that I completely gave up.GIVING UP 9TH GRADE (15-16yo)
At this point I went to 9th grade and suprise suprise nothing changed. I was still the joke of everyone around me, the girls would pretend I dont exist unless I jestered on my own expense and my friends would show me videos of them giving backshots to girls that would never acknowledge my existence. Also the guys would push, shove and punch my skinnyfat short ass all over and I just laughed at it and let them bully me like the low test cuck I was.
Another brutal story (almost roped)
(just laughing at the pain)During the end of 9th grade shit got even worse as my 2 year long acne finally developed to cystic acne and people were literally disgusted at me. After the end of 9th grade we had a graduation party since we would all go to high school next year. Everyone would go to eat and after eating a huge party would be hosted. I had been waiting for this a long time since I thought I could have my first slay there. During graduation day I had even told my mother I would attend this party and she gave me some money so I could pay for the food. I tried asking my friends during the gradution at school where everyone would be meeting (obviously nobody told me anything before). But my friends kept shifting the subject.
After the graduation at school was over I still noticed that they wouldnt tell me so I confronted them since everyone would soon leave to eat and then party. What my friends told me now shocked me. They said "Arent you in the groupchat?" I asked "What groupchat?" they just had this face of laughing at me but also feeling bad for me.
One of my friends pulled out his phone and showed me. In the groupchat of like 70ppl or more they had said days earlier "Nobody tell DRACOX by the way." and the one thing that hurt me the most was one message that said "Yeah he literally takes my appetite away." (referring to my acne). I pretended to be okay and went in a forest to cry (first time I cried since like 9yo btw). I then just sat in the forest playing clash royale for like 7 hours because I didnt want to go home and tell my mom I was ditched. Then after like 7+ hours I went home and pretended I had an amazing time. My friends had been sending me snaps this whole time btw and I was so fucking sad
. For the next couple days I would literally sit in the bathroom and just cry. Especially the nights were hard.I finally realised that this is my life now, im the loser from those fucking disney movies and shit, except that theres no happy ending for me niggas. This is also when I discovered looksmax.org (I would also lurk here for the next around 2-3 years).
Only a couple weeks after that one day I went to the top of our apartment building and sat there for like 3 hours researching topics related to suicide on google and trying to muster up courage to jump
. I even wrote a suicide note that I was gonna send on text to my mom right before jumping. But luckily I ended up not doing that.HIGH SCHOOL ASCENSION AND LIFE IMPROOOOOVES (but im a retarded beaten up dog mentally
) (16-18yo)After that depressing summer during which I only gamed on my ps4 I started high school. I went to a completely different school than people from my old school, so I had a chance to pretend to be a different guy since these people didnt know me from before. But I had completely given up at this point. The first day of high school I was a cystic acne filled skinny lil ethic boy and I thought life now would be even worse since I starved for social and romantic connection even more.
But luckily for me life had begun changing. I had hit my growth spurt a while earlier and was still growing, so I grew a lot in like 8months and also my bones started growing. My mother also finally realised I need a dermatologist and all this "wash you face" shit doesnt work, so I got proper medication for my cystic acne (tetralysal). Which cleared my face in around 4 months, I also started spending all my money on clothes and drip.
Around 8 months after high school started I had COMPLETELY changed, I cant even stress how big this change was. I ascended in every way skin, drip, height, physique, face and I had way more money from odd jobs ( THANK YOU LOOKSMAX.ORG, THIS PLACE USED TO BE SO GOOD). A lot was thanks to .Org especially the drip since I thugmaxxed and started using earrings etc. (fits lightskin pheno perfectly btw). Also my body finally locked in and started working on the positive effects of puberty.
But mentally I was still the same nigger every girl laughed at. The same lil guy that got shoved around was a punching bag jester. I was WAY LESS social and WAY LESS nt than I used to be due to being physically and mentally abused for 3 years. I was now a high inhib ND social retard that has way more knowledge about ww2 fighterplanes than most historians. But I dressed, looked and tried to act like a slayer thug lightskin.
And thanks that I literally made like 20 new friends in a month without even doing anything that differently. I finally started socializing again and my life quality improved so much. I also noticed a lot of girls in my school (especially the older ones for some reason) staring at me during breaks and lunch. But guys I was so fucking scared of women. Almost all my friends once again had female friends who would come talk to us, but I would always be quiet. Just like I had learned to be. I was in my place, at least it used to be my place. Just sitting there, not being part of the conversation.
But now suddenly the girls were asking me "DRACOX why arent you saying anything?" and they were trying to talk to me and include me in the conversation. What? Was socializing really this easy? (Now I realise this is literally all because I ascended and thugmaxxed.)
(Looking back now I realise I was a retard, I couldve iniated so many more conversations and slayed so much but I was too scared. Too scared ill end up where I used to be. Being some dumb nigga that everyone laughs at and abuses.)
Now there was even more pressure to make sure I keep my looks and absolutely do not do anything weird. Omg so many girls literally stared at me I shouldve just went over and talk to them but back then I was so FUCKING SCARED MAN.
Anyways 2nd year of high school 3 different girls ask me to prom and I just go with the one who asked me first. (later find one of the school stacylites wanted to go with me.) The girl I went to prom with was a ltb facially with a big ass so I wasnt sad at all. I was so happy that someone even asked me to go. But again due to my earlier life experiences I still couldnt believe someone would actually be attracted to me, so when she asked me to go eat with her after prom I declined.
I was still just rotting on .Org and thinking about all my old experiences of jestering, being laughed at and being a retard all that shit. My bodydismorphia was at an alltime high and I hated going outside because mentally I was still sub5. I basically just rotted in home everyday after school gaming and scrolling Org.
3RD YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. REALISATION THAT I HAVE ASCENDED (18-19YO)
Now during this time ive been socializing at school but rotting at home for the past 2years of high school. Still no gf (bcs im retarded) and im basically KHHV. But one day as im going home from school on the bus a group of my schoolmates take the same bus as I do. (This is weird since usually im the only one taking this bus.) One of the guys in the group is my friend, he sees me and signals everyone to come to where I am, so they all sit at the back with me. One of them is one of my schools stacylites and she starts talking to me. After a while she asks me
Stacylite "Why did you go to prom with that girl?"
Me "She asked me first."
Stacylite "Ahaha really? I wanted to go with you."
Me (retard) "Too bad u didnt ask me."
Stacylite "True."
And subjects change.
A couple days after I realise that I couldve literally bagged her right there so easily. But due to how I was fucked over during my developing years I was incapale of realising it. I was incapable of accepting someone could like me. But I know she wouldnt have talked to me like that if I was chopped. But when I looked in the mirror I just saw a bunch of flaws. I realised and accepted the fact that I must have body dismorphia. But it was too late now high school was about to end soon and I would go to college. So I decided to start working out, start eating healthy and trying to improve my mental. No matter how good I look im too fucked mentally to actually have a relationship or enjoy the romantic parts of life.
So I started my redemption arc.
REDEMPTION ARC AND IMPROVING MENTAL (19yo-today)
I started by instagram maxxing but got too scared so I quit half way JFL
. After that failed I just decided to order a bunch of new clothes for summer and college to feel more confident. Also continue working out and eating well. But the most important part. I stopped analyzing myself by ignoring mirrors. I stopped looking at mirrors (unless obviously im putting my hair etc) and stopped analyzing pics of myself. It has helped so much. I want to start instagram maxxing and adding girls on insta and trying to talk to them. I have a lot of shit I want to do, but I must fix my mental first.I have noticed my mental getting a bit healthier, but somedays I feel just like I used to. College will start in under a month and I want to be a completely new person mentally (physically no obviously
). I want to have a healthy romantic relationship. I feel like if I get 1 healthy relationship, it will be a major boost for my confidence and will help me on my journey to being a mentally normal person once again. Although I know deepdown I will never forget my life during those years from 12-16yo.DONE
Yet I still aspired to soar above the clouds.
A journey of cold winds and uncertainty,
A lone traveler experiences a life of ups and downs.
A heart of steel forged from countless setbacks,
A lifetime of effort to forge one sword.
Today my sword aims beyond the clouds,
Refine Gu! Refine Human! Refine Heaven!!"
Thank you to all who read this
I know theres gonna be a lot of niggas commenting "DNR" so fuck you atleast rep for effort
Also sorry for any possible grammar mistakes english is not my 1st language
@BeanCelll @crazyguy @sadcel
