enchanted_elixir
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A Sunny Morning (11:45 AM)
It was a sunny morning, around 11:45 AM, and I was getting ready to head to work when my father decided to check my car's oil. He thought it might need changing, so we went outside, opened the hood, and took a look.
While he was checking the oil, he started talking about how important it was to check the oil more frequently since it was so low. He mentioned that if I he had not caught it, I could have destroyed the engine over time.
As he spoke, he saw my chin hair and said, "There's something on your chin hair."
He quickly realized it was my concealer.
The thing is, I had applied the concealer the morning before and slept with it on.
I did it to save time in the morning so I wouldn't have to waste extra time in the bathroom, but now, it looked somewhat cakey and obvious up close.
It was a much milder version of the "before" look, but still noticeable up close.
My father, in disbelief, exclaimed, "Oh lord, my son is powdered. I lost my son."
He thought I had used face powder.
Then, he said, "Go inside and wash that off your face!"
BY THE WAY: IF I WOULD HAVE JUST WORN A FRESH APPLICATION, HE WOULD NOT HAVE FOUND OUT, SINCE I HAVE BEEN USING THIS FOR A LONG TIME.
Inside the House
I went inside, to the bathroom, and started tapping it off with a spare cloth, removing some of it while still trying to conceal the discoloration on my face. Meanwhile, my dad finished putting the new oil in my car and came inside to rant. It wasn't angry, but more like a "What the hell, dude, don’t give me this nonsense" kind of vibe.
The rant went on for a while, and went in this order:
Context for What He Said
While what he said might seem extreme, it's true that I’m different in my social behavior:
The Rest of the Rant
My dad continued with his rant:
How I Felt
I felt uneasy for the rest of the day, thinking about the way the conversation went and how my father reacted.
It was a sunny morning, around 11:45 AM, and I was getting ready to head to work when my father decided to check my car's oil. He thought it might need changing, so we went outside, opened the hood, and took a look.
While he was checking the oil, he started talking about how important it was to check the oil more frequently since it was so low. He mentioned that if I he had not caught it, I could have destroyed the engine over time.
As he spoke, he saw my chin hair and said, "There's something on your chin hair."
He quickly realized it was my concealer.
The thing is, I had applied the concealer the morning before and slept with it on.
I did it to save time in the morning so I wouldn't have to waste extra time in the bathroom, but now, it looked somewhat cakey and obvious up close.
It was a much milder version of the "before" look, but still noticeable up close.
My father, in disbelief, exclaimed, "Oh lord, my son is powdered. I lost my son."
He thought I had used face powder.
Then, he said, "Go inside and wash that off your face!"
BY THE WAY: IF I WOULD HAVE JUST WORN A FRESH APPLICATION, HE WOULD NOT HAVE FOUND OUT, SINCE I HAVE BEEN USING THIS FOR A LONG TIME.
Inside the House
I went inside, to the bathroom, and started tapping it off with a spare cloth, removing some of it while still trying to conceal the discoloration on my face. Meanwhile, my dad finished putting the new oil in my car and came inside to rant. It wasn't angry, but more like a "What the hell, dude, don’t give me this nonsense" kind of vibe.
The rant went on for a while, and went in this order:
- Questioning if I was a woman.
- Asking if I was mentally sane.
- Wondering why, if I wasn't a woman, I used "powder" (concealer).
- Questioning why I cared so much about my appearance and used skincare, especially if I wasn’t a woman.
- Asking if I was homosexual.
- Saying that my younger brother doesn't do stuff like this.
- Claiming this kind of behavior would lead to gay men and transgender people approaching me because I looked gay.
- Telling me that when he was my age (early 20s), he already had a sexual and romantic history.
- Pointing out that my younger brother already has a partner and a history, while I have no history of demonstrating (to him) any heterosexual behavior (He implied I don’t show any interest in women—no girlfriend, no romantic or sexual interactions, no flirting, no signs of sexual interest in one, no staring at women, kissed a woman, hold hands with a woman, hugged a woman for romantic reasons, had sex, pursued a woman etc.)
Context for What He Said
While what he said might seem extreme, it's true that I’m different in my social behavior:
- People may assume, given my sexual-romantic history and my appearance, that I am asexual.
- I kind of do act asexual (avoid eye contact or checking out women, suppressing libido, low libido, low testosterone, avoid women sometimes due to feeling guilty for being heterosexual since I feel like I can't get a partner because I'm behaviorally or physically defective and thus should not have those impulses since it's counterproductive.)
- I am a KHHV.
- I also have faulty social cognition, strong introversion, and somewhat of a schizoid aspie vibe, isolated and without anyone to talk to, which make me seem aloof and detached.
- I usually don't process women sexually or romantically (and usually suppress it with guilt), and I don't feel the need for a partner or marriage or kids in my future nor process the existence of having one when I think about my future (literally).
- Never pursued a woman, ever. Approached one time, but that was a one-off conversation and went pretty well, she was very nice and welcoming and was genuinely interested in me as a person and I did get IOIs from her before I approached. I just didn't feel connected to her, didn't quite trust her, and thought I was there only because I couldn't keep my instincts under control and felt guilty for approaching. I had to overcome so much anxiety.
- Maybe she thought something was wrong with my personality and behavior lol maybe she expected me to hit on her or be more assertive something instead of being all friendly, unassertive (sexual-romantically, like asking for her number, etc.) and looking like someone who isn't that good at having conversations and isn't socially aware enough, and she likely thought I wasn't into her.
- I'm also scared to approach women and, to be honest, I’d rather not try (though I'm less scared now than before).
- Although I don’t actively seek relationships, I've been approached by women, had some women ask for my number, and received a fair amount of IOIs (Indicators of Interest) and still expect to do so at college (I get low HTN treatment), but I don't pursue those leads.
The Rest of the Rant
My dad continued with his rant:
- He said I was too old not to have any romantic or sexual history, and it made no sense.
- He shared that he got married late (which is true), and he didn’t want me to follow the same path.
- He kept questioning why I wore the concealer and pleaded with me to stop wearing it.
- Finally, he dismissed me for work after I had partially removed it, telling me to not wear it again.
How I Felt
I felt uneasy for the rest of the day, thinking about the way the conversation went and how my father reacted.
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