jaco
Pentamogged to New Delhi
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2024
- Posts
- 1,162
- Reputation
- 818
Ever since i was a kid i hated to look different from everyone else, even my own familly. I am mixed race in a very dominantly white place and it really made me different on top of having early signs of autism.
Even with this awkward starter pack i managed to be a pretty fonctional person socially due to my height and probably athletism. People always came to me first as i was unable to go toward other people. I had, friends, i was relatively average looking (not deformed), i had height and athletism.
I was meant for having a normal life until my dad decided to compare me to my friends. He kept comparing me over and over again still with his lonely rage and over the years, because everyone around me was white, it made me despict myself for just being alive.
Every step i made made me ashamed for existing.
Every strangers that passed me by made me feel bad for not being white.
My little elementary shcool brain instantly assimilated the supposed perfection of my friends with them being white as everyone was so and i was the different one.
I ended up hating every cells of my body and being a shy autist hateful retard that couldn't perceive any affection directed toward me for years even when i was meant to be a tall athletic and funny boy that would be unique for his personality.
Its over.
Even with this awkward starter pack i managed to be a pretty fonctional person socially due to my height and probably athletism. People always came to me first as i was unable to go toward other people. I had, friends, i was relatively average looking (not deformed), i had height and athletism.
I was meant for having a normal life until my dad decided to compare me to my friends. He kept comparing me over and over again still with his lonely rage and over the years, because everyone around me was white, it made me despict myself for just being alive.
Every step i made made me ashamed for existing.
Every strangers that passed me by made me feel bad for not being white.
My little elementary shcool brain instantly assimilated the supposed perfection of my friends with them being white as everyone was so and i was the different one.
I ended up hating every cells of my body and being a shy autist hateful retard that couldn't perceive any affection directed toward me for years even when i was meant to be a tall athletic and funny boy that would be unique for his personality.
Its over.
