husshaider
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- May 9, 2025
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This is on 18th July 2020. You might be wondering how I got here
It was during the COVID pandemic and I was off from school for 4 months. Life was going good and was very carefree. To keep a long story short, I was sat on the toilet at 1 am and by this point it had officially been roughly a year since I realised that looking at arousing images causes sexual stimulus and leads to my penis becoming erect. I would usually treat myself to a session of looking at images that appeal to my sexual preferences once a week back then, and feel an essence of excitement watching my todger stiffen. I would always feel immense guilt after doing this, as I was quite religious at this age, and it didn’t even take post nut clarity to make me feel intense shame. Anyways, one night I was doing this, and looking at some shitty hentai or pornographic images (for reference even to this day, I never watch porn per se. I just search up something like “hot pakistani woman pussy” or “beautiful woman feet” on google images and scroll through it, and I believe it allows my dopamine receptors to accommodate for my typical 3 - 4 masturbation sessions a day. However as of January I have been seldom masturbating or consuming any pornographic content, but still)
As I was doing this, I found myself gently rubbing my tip. I suddenly felt a sudden warmth on the shaft of my (at the time) roughly 4 inch penis. I chose to ignore this and continue with what I was doing, but after around 10 seconds, I shot out several ropes of fresh semen. As this happened, I somehow accidentally pressed some buttons on my phone (I couldn’t tell you what they were or what I did), and it led to me taking a photo of my face as seen above during the midst of my orgasm. It isn’t clear as to whether my face is so clenched due to the pleasure of my orgasm, or the brightness of the flash of my camera, but I suppose it’s a mixture of the 2 but more so the latter.
I quickly realised to myself I had committed the shameful act of masturbation, and spent an hour crying to myself. I vowed to never do it again and prayed for forgiveness.
A week later, one thing led to another and I did it again. I remember audibly saying out loud “Huh, so this is my life now.” in an ostensibly theatrical manner. This moment marked a commitment to 6 years of fapping which I wish I could take back
It was during the COVID pandemic and I was off from school for 4 months. Life was going good and was very carefree. To keep a long story short, I was sat on the toilet at 1 am and by this point it had officially been roughly a year since I realised that looking at arousing images causes sexual stimulus and leads to my penis becoming erect. I would usually treat myself to a session of looking at images that appeal to my sexual preferences once a week back then, and feel an essence of excitement watching my todger stiffen. I would always feel immense guilt after doing this, as I was quite religious at this age, and it didn’t even take post nut clarity to make me feel intense shame. Anyways, one night I was doing this, and looking at some shitty hentai or pornographic images (for reference even to this day, I never watch porn per se. I just search up something like “hot pakistani woman pussy” or “beautiful woman feet” on google images and scroll through it, and I believe it allows my dopamine receptors to accommodate for my typical 3 - 4 masturbation sessions a day. However as of January I have been seldom masturbating or consuming any pornographic content, but still)
As I was doing this, I found myself gently rubbing my tip. I suddenly felt a sudden warmth on the shaft of my (at the time) roughly 4 inch penis. I chose to ignore this and continue with what I was doing, but after around 10 seconds, I shot out several ropes of fresh semen. As this happened, I somehow accidentally pressed some buttons on my phone (I couldn’t tell you what they were or what I did), and it led to me taking a photo of my face as seen above during the midst of my orgasm. It isn’t clear as to whether my face is so clenched due to the pleasure of my orgasm, or the brightness of the flash of my camera, but I suppose it’s a mixture of the 2 but more so the latter.
I quickly realised to myself I had committed the shameful act of masturbation, and spent an hour crying to myself. I vowed to never do it again and prayed for forgiveness.
A week later, one thing led to another and I did it again. I remember audibly saying out loud “Huh, so this is my life now.” in an ostensibly theatrical manner. This moment marked a commitment to 6 years of fapping which I wish I could take back
