illusion
Forefront of the Anti-Rotter Movement
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Hey everyone. I’ve been a part of this forum for almost 2 years but I haven’t been as active ever as I have recently. I never really joined the “community” here apart from tagging people in threads recently and commenting under the threads of certain people I recognize after time on this forum. Recently I was reminded of what got me into this place a few years ago and I have decided to make this thread. It may save someone’s life, and I’ve also never stated anything about myself on here.
Growing up I never had many friends, through elementary school, middle school, and high school I kept the same friends. One of these friends was a guy I’ll refer to as Tim for the rest of this thread (don’t want to use his real name out of respect and privacy.)
Tim was one of my closest friends, he was a super funny, upbeat, and kind dude, and he was a little neurodivergent, so I was also one of his only friends as well as him being one of my only friends. We grew up together throughout elementary school and we moved away to different cities at the start of middle school, but still stayed in touch a lot and met up every now and then whenever we could.
At around the end of middle school, Tim had started dating a girl he had known since childhood. Due to them both being at around the age for puberty, he was the same height as her. Going into highschool, Tim had stopped growing for whatever reason, and we later found out that he had premature growth plate closure, at around the height of 5’4. His girlfriend was taller than him, at around 5’5. Tim wasn’t bad looking but he would often get picked on by other kids because of his short stature, and by this point, he already knew he wasn’t growing much taller. His girlfriend also teased him a lot about his height but as far as anyone knew, it was just friendly teasing as they were still dating.
Midway into freshman year, Tim was messaged on a throwaway phone number, a video attached showed his girlfriend making out with a junior, who Tim knew. Said junior was a foot taller than Tim, at 6’4.
Upon seeing his childhood crush and girlfriend of 1 year doing this, Tim was sent into a terrible wave of depression. What made it worse is that when he opened up to people at his school about it, he was made fun of and was told that he “should’ve expected it because he was small and she was way of his league.” Tim later found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him starting around 6 months into their relationship, which would’ve been around the same time period which his girlfriend started teasing him about his height. This means that instead of a playful joke, it was malicious and she was doing it knowing she was cheating on him with a dude an entire foot taller.
Tim vented all of this to me and I of course sympathized with my childhood friend and comforted him for weeks on end. We hadn’t seen each other for a long time (around a year and a half at this point,) so we decided to meetup and go to an arcade. The last time we saw each other, we were the same height. Those of you that have seen my threads know that I am 191cm (around 6’3,) however I hit puberty and had one massive growth spurt instead of super continuous growth, so by the time we met up, I was around 5’11 to 6’0. Tim did not know this.
Upon meeting up, we had a great time, stayed at the arcade for around 5 hours and went to get food after. Tim mentioned my height multiple times over and over throughout the day and joked about how I could “never understand his situation.” He said this in a super playful way so I thought and assumed that he was just playing around, because as I previously stated, he was a super funny guy.
At the end of our hangout, he thanked me for being there for him, and gave me a super tight hug that he held for around a minute. We both went home and I texted him the next day as per usual and he didn’t respond. I didn’t expect anything, so I decided not to annoy him and waited another day to text. Still nothing. 4 days went by without any response.
On the 5th day, I was messaged by his mother who had gotten his phone and I got to find out the full story. Tim had committed suicide at the age of 13, a week before his 14th birthday, using a sodium nitrite suicide kit he had bought from a user he met on a forum a few months prior. Sodium Nitrite stops oxygen from being transported through your blood, essentially suffocating your entire body into a raisin and killing you. It is an extremely painful way to die and used not due to its believed “painlessness,” but because of its guaranteed lethality.
My friend died suffocating in his own vomit. His suicide note left to his family explicitly stated his height being the driving factor in his suicide, although he left out the girl, and the people teasing him out of the letter as he didn’t want anyone to be hurt after his death. He was the kindest person I ever knew, and he had done nothing wrong besides being too short according to the standards people had. Unfortunately I later came to the realization that seeing how tall I was most likely pushed him into doing it. It is the most guilt I’ve ever felt and it haunts me to this day. Rest in Peace.
This wrecked me, I had the worst week of my life and it pushed me into the rabbit hole I am in today.
If you ever see my threads, I emphasize lifefuel and continuation no matter what. I don’t want anyone to grow through what me and my friend did, not his suicide nor what I felt after his suicide.
This thread has taken me around 32 minutes to type up to this point. Up to this point, 32 men have taken their life. 32 humans who were born loved and adored by their mothers and fathers. 32 people that lived like Tim, breathed like him, loved like him, and wished to be loved like him. Someone’s baby is now dead by their own hands, and their own choice.
I’ve given my purpose on this forum to 2 main goals, to improve myself and help as many people as I can. I don’t ever want anyone to go through this pain ever. You don’t deserve it, you deserve to live.
If you’re ever feeling bad, down, upset, or anything else negative and even have the thought of suicide, please know it’s never over. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and I am always available, don’t hesitate to text me if you see this and want someone to talk to. I am available as well as a load of other tools. Just give it another hour, another day. There is so much beauty in life. Don’t give it up. Continue, I promise there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did, and please make a promise to yourself to continue no matter what. It’ll get better, I promise. The world is yours, you just have to live to see it. Just that, live.
Growing up I never had many friends, through elementary school, middle school, and high school I kept the same friends. One of these friends was a guy I’ll refer to as Tim for the rest of this thread (don’t want to use his real name out of respect and privacy.)
Tim was one of my closest friends, he was a super funny, upbeat, and kind dude, and he was a little neurodivergent, so I was also one of his only friends as well as him being one of my only friends. We grew up together throughout elementary school and we moved away to different cities at the start of middle school, but still stayed in touch a lot and met up every now and then whenever we could.
At around the end of middle school, Tim had started dating a girl he had known since childhood. Due to them both being at around the age for puberty, he was the same height as her. Going into highschool, Tim had stopped growing for whatever reason, and we later found out that he had premature growth plate closure, at around the height of 5’4. His girlfriend was taller than him, at around 5’5. Tim wasn’t bad looking but he would often get picked on by other kids because of his short stature, and by this point, he already knew he wasn’t growing much taller. His girlfriend also teased him a lot about his height but as far as anyone knew, it was just friendly teasing as they were still dating.
Midway into freshman year, Tim was messaged on a throwaway phone number, a video attached showed his girlfriend making out with a junior, who Tim knew. Said junior was a foot taller than Tim, at 6’4.
Upon seeing his childhood crush and girlfriend of 1 year doing this, Tim was sent into a terrible wave of depression. What made it worse is that when he opened up to people at his school about it, he was made fun of and was told that he “should’ve expected it because he was small and she was way of his league.” Tim later found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him starting around 6 months into their relationship, which would’ve been around the same time period which his girlfriend started teasing him about his height. This means that instead of a playful joke, it was malicious and she was doing it knowing she was cheating on him with a dude an entire foot taller.
Tim vented all of this to me and I of course sympathized with my childhood friend and comforted him for weeks on end. We hadn’t seen each other for a long time (around a year and a half at this point,) so we decided to meetup and go to an arcade. The last time we saw each other, we were the same height. Those of you that have seen my threads know that I am 191cm (around 6’3,) however I hit puberty and had one massive growth spurt instead of super continuous growth, so by the time we met up, I was around 5’11 to 6’0. Tim did not know this.
Upon meeting up, we had a great time, stayed at the arcade for around 5 hours and went to get food after. Tim mentioned my height multiple times over and over throughout the day and joked about how I could “never understand his situation.” He said this in a super playful way so I thought and assumed that he was just playing around, because as I previously stated, he was a super funny guy.
At the end of our hangout, he thanked me for being there for him, and gave me a super tight hug that he held for around a minute. We both went home and I texted him the next day as per usual and he didn’t respond. I didn’t expect anything, so I decided not to annoy him and waited another day to text. Still nothing. 4 days went by without any response.
On the 5th day, I was messaged by his mother who had gotten his phone and I got to find out the full story. Tim had committed suicide at the age of 13, a week before his 14th birthday, using a sodium nitrite suicide kit he had bought from a user he met on a forum a few months prior. Sodium Nitrite stops oxygen from being transported through your blood, essentially suffocating your entire body into a raisin and killing you. It is an extremely painful way to die and used not due to its believed “painlessness,” but because of its guaranteed lethality.
My friend died suffocating in his own vomit. His suicide note left to his family explicitly stated his height being the driving factor in his suicide, although he left out the girl, and the people teasing him out of the letter as he didn’t want anyone to be hurt after his death. He was the kindest person I ever knew, and he had done nothing wrong besides being too short according to the standards people had. Unfortunately I later came to the realization that seeing how tall I was most likely pushed him into doing it. It is the most guilt I’ve ever felt and it haunts me to this day. Rest in Peace.
This wrecked me, I had the worst week of my life and it pushed me into the rabbit hole I am in today.
If you ever see my threads, I emphasize lifefuel and continuation no matter what. I don’t want anyone to grow through what me and my friend did, not his suicide nor what I felt after his suicide.
This thread has taken me around 32 minutes to type up to this point. Up to this point, 32 men have taken their life. 32 humans who were born loved and adored by their mothers and fathers. 32 people that lived like Tim, breathed like him, loved like him, and wished to be loved like him. Someone’s baby is now dead by their own hands, and their own choice.
I’ve given my purpose on this forum to 2 main goals, to improve myself and help as many people as I can. I don’t ever want anyone to go through this pain ever. You don’t deserve it, you deserve to live.
If you’re ever feeling bad, down, upset, or anything else negative and even have the thought of suicide, please know it’s never over. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and I am always available, don’t hesitate to text me if you see this and want someone to talk to. I am available as well as a load of other tools. Just give it another hour, another day. There is so much beauty in life. Don’t give it up. Continue, I promise there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did, and please make a promise to yourself to continue no matter what. It’ll get better, I promise. The world is yours, you just have to live to see it. Just that, live.
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