zerotohero
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Go-To Fav’s- Zero Ultra (White Can)
The cleanest, crispest energy drink ever made. No sugar, no nonsense, and none of that nasty aftertaste the rest of the lineup suffers from. Subtle citrus flavor that never gets old. It’s what every other Monster wishes it could be.
Pretty Good (All sugar-free Ultra line)- Ultra Paradise (Green), Ultra Blue, Ultra Gold
These are solid. Not mind-blowing, but definitely refreshing. Artificial sweetener is noticeable, but tolerable. Paradise is tropical without being cloying, Blue tastes like freezer pops, and Gold is pineapple-y and decent — just don’t expect complexity. They’re your reliable “Plan B” when the white one is sold out.
They Alright- Original Green Monster – The OG. But let’s be real: it tastes like chemical citrus cough syrup. If nostalgia isn’t hitting, this one’s mid at best.
- Ultra Watermelon, Ultra Rosa, Ultra Fiesta, Pipeline Punch, Mango Loco – All aggressively fruity. Some taste like melted candy, others like perfume. The Ultra versions here (still sugar-free) suffer from artificial overload — Watermelon especially. Pipeline and Mango Loco (not Ultra) are sugar bombs with tropical chaos in a can. They’re not disgusting, but damn they’re trying too hard.
I’ll Drink It- Lo-Carb, Ultra Black, Pacific Punch – Drinkable in a “nothing else in the fridge and I need caffeine or I’ll die” way. Ultra Black tastes like flat cherry soda, and Pacific Punch is… aggressively sweet with a weird metallic edge. These are the ones you regret halfway through the can but finish anyway out of spite.
No Thanks- Assault, Java Monster, Nitro, Ultra Peachy Keen
Assault is an assault on your taste buds. Java is a betrayal to both coffee and Monster. Nitro? Who the hell asked for foamy, nitro-infused taurine soup?? And Peachy Keen? Artificial peach-scented candle melted into a drink. Absolutely foul.
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