My horrible experience during my life

[truevirbar-90]

Hey hello I hope everyone is doing normally good I just would to share some stuff that I struggle and I try to overcome and I just wanted to say that I feel my life is a mess right now I feel so bad about myself I honestly I felt so miserable during this periods of my life since 2023 the day that one of my friends that I knew for a while committed suicide and this still kills me in the heart bcs I blame myself for not being enough supportive for him and he sadly end up commenting since ts happens to me I have nighty nightmares about this situation I won’t on detail of the dreams I feel is to personal but since then this has affected my relationship with woman and friends and you may say why I said that every little mistake or if I hurt my friends emotionally or do smt wrong on accident makes remember this tragic event is been years but I still carrying the guilt and my relationship with woman is always end up in despair and problems I got SA at 12 without even knowing and I always be super nervous of woman and scared and when a girl talks to me I don’t feel more than fear bcs either they insulted me or use me for their benefits and pleasure I had a lot of talking stages this year and is always goes in a bad way and my solution is to blocked them and try to get over it fr I been crying at night knowing that I’m fcking up my relationship and friends I feel so alone I literally sit alone in lunch all day and I hate the fact that I have to go through wrestling practice at my high school and walking to 2 miles at home just to get insulted by mom about how I’m messy and how horrible of a person I am and my parents don’t support me and I feel that I’m truly alone in. My goals I’m sorry if my grammar is bad I been in USA since 2022 but Wtv I try to convince myself that I will get out of this situation as soon as I move hopefully if I win my tournament this year and get a college opportunity as soon I will be happy that I made it but my life is a mess I want to go to therapy but for me is hard to go I don’t wanna get into mental aslylum because I said smt out of pocket and is very expensive in my state but anyways I just wanted to say smt in this space about my situation

 

[orbitlet]

Grok, summarize this essay for me

 

[ReccesedSlavic]

Hey hello I hope everyone is doing normally good I just would to share some stuff that I struggle and I try to overcome and I just wanted to say that I feel my life is a mess right now I feel so bad about myself I honestly I felt so miserable during this periods of my life since 2023 the day that one of my friends that I knew for a while committed suicide and this still kills me in the heart bcs I blame myself for not being enough supportive for him and he sadly end up commenting since ts happens to me I have nighty nightmares about this situation I won’t on detail of the dreams I feel is to personal but since then this has affected my relationship with woman and friends and you may say why I said that every little mistake or if I hurt my friends emotionally or do smt wrong on accident makes remember this tragic event is been years but I still carrying the guilt and my relationship with woman is always end up in despair and problems I got SA at 12 without even knowing and I always be super nervous of woman and scared and when a girl talks to me I don’t feel more than fear bcs either they insulted me or use me for their benefits and pleasure I had a lot of talking stages this year and is always goes in a bad way and my solution is to blocked them and try to get over it fr I been crying at night knowing that I’m fcking up my relationship and friends I feel so alone I literally sit alone in lunch all day and I hate the fact that I have to go through wrestling practice at my high school and walking to 2 miles at home just to get insulted by mom about how I’m messy and how horrible of a person I am and my parents don’t support me and I feel that I’m truly alone in. My goals I’m sorry if my grammar is bad I been in USA since 2022 but Wtv I try to convince myself that I will get out of this situation as soon as I move hopefully if I win my tournament this year and get a college opportunity as soon I will be happy that I made it but my life is a mess I want to go to therapy but for me is hard to go I don’t wanna get into mental aslylum because I said smt out of pocket and is very expensive in my state but anyways I just wanted to say smt in this space about my situation

Dnr bitch

 

[yushmaxx]

I got SA at 12 without even knowing

how?

and walking to 2 miles at home just to get insulted by mom about how I’m messy and how horrible of a person I am

why do you have to walk, and why does your mom say that? have you done anything?

 

[orbitlet]

To be serious, just read it

I’m sorry for your burdens and traumas my friend

 

[TrueGracileMed]

Dnr bitch

 

[truevirbar-90]

how?

why do you have to walk, and why does your mom say that? have you done anything?

I got sa by someone who I was living at my moms house for a period of time and she was 25+

 

[yushmaxx]

I got sa by someone who I was living at my moms house for a period of time and she was 25+

whatd she do? and also why does your mom not like you?

 

[truevirbar-90]

whatd she do? and also why does your mom not like you?

She doesn’t like me rn I’m 16 but genuinely she been beating me since I was 6 I struggle with ADHD and ocd and this affects my relationship with my mom she says I soon in 18 she is gonna kick me out of the house and i feel that I’m gonna have help the only person who has help me in life is my grandma she always been supportive (sometimes) and the way that she been beating me makes insecure a lot even when im in school and presenting bcs i think im doing smt wrong and i start studurring

 

[manleterdachuaxxwe]

dam bro ts is just sad

 

[yushmaxx]

She doesn’t like me rn I’m 16 but genuinely she been beating me since I was 6 I struggle with ADHD and ocd and this affects my relationship with my mom she says I soon in 18 she is gonna kick me out of the house and i feel that I’m gonna have help the only person who has help me in life is my grandma she always been supportive (sometimes) and the way that she been beating me makes insecure a lot even when im in school and presenting bcs i think im doing smt wrong and i start studurring

damn bro brutal, not much you could do in the future if it keeps going like this

maybe join the army for couple years and then get a high paying police officer job (lapd makes 6 figures) after you get out?

 

[Patrick.]

View attachment 5600018

Fuck what happend

 

[bobbyboy132]

Honestly man i realistically can't relate to anything your dealing with but I would say therapy is a great way to overcome what has happened to you I get

I get you can have access to it so I would say try online ways like help lines or websites

And I think your too paranoid about the consequences of taking therapy I get it I also overthink a shit ton and honestly majority of the time it's not as bad as you think

Maybe try sticking back after school and taking to a counselor or someone to support you there man

And if you really need someone to talk to you can dm me I am not org alot but I'll respond the second ik it's there