D
Deleted member 4430
Kraken
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2019
- Posts
- 41,278
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- 110,381
I know no one care i just using this as venting.
Today I had to go to a big city and after an hour I started to cry and had to sit on a bench to calm down.
The reason was simple, its a weekend and people going to the streets to spend free time, lots of couples and groups. At that moment I realized that I feel something like when travis bickle watches on TV how couples dance and the camera close up to the one pair of shoes in a dance bowl, he was those shoes, something that doesnt belong there and and completely isolated without the possibility to relate to someone, just like me. I just felt like i will live like this to the end.
Obviously looks are reason i dont have GF - even tho most men dont look like opry or chico -, but its no reason why dont I have a friends.
The reasons are my mental illness and that i was isolated not only by others but myself, because i mostly felt i dont belonge anywhere.
Now I'm at the age when making friends is impossible because I'm out of the school system and i never talk to someone which isnt releted to work or family for many months.
I should probably start taking some antidepressant, but I do't want to end up like vegetable without emotions, because emotions are all I have.
This site was very useful because I didnt feel alone in my problem. The thing is that now the fun aspect of this forum doesnt help me go on.
I wont make it, but most people still can.
There is no gene for fate or human spirit.
Today I had to go to a big city and after an hour I started to cry and had to sit on a bench to calm down.
The reason was simple, its a weekend and people going to the streets to spend free time, lots of couples and groups. At that moment I realized that I feel something like when travis bickle watches on TV how couples dance and the camera close up to the one pair of shoes in a dance bowl, he was those shoes, something that doesnt belong there and and completely isolated without the possibility to relate to someone, just like me. I just felt like i will live like this to the end.
Obviously looks are reason i dont have GF - even tho most men dont look like opry or chico -, but its no reason why dont I have a friends.
The reasons are my mental illness and that i was isolated not only by others but myself, because i mostly felt i dont belonge anywhere.
Now I'm at the age when making friends is impossible because I'm out of the school system and i never talk to someone which isnt releted to work or family for many months.
I should probably start taking some antidepressant, but I do't want to end up like vegetable without emotions, because emotions are all I have.
This site was very useful because I didnt feel alone in my problem. The thing is that now the fun aspect of this forum doesnt help me go on.
I wont make it, but most people still can.
There is no gene for fate or human spirit.
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