toji.
Zephir
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2023
- Posts
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On September 30, I’m leaving the country; I’ll finally begin my life as an independent young adult.
I joined this forum when I was 19, and I’ll turn 24 this July. Over these five years, I’ve been through a lot: I experimented with sexual promiscuity, then went through a period of excessive self-discipline, reclusive loneliness, depression, anxiety, and so on.
Recently, after years of loneliness, I tried to resume my sexual and physical exploration. It was somewhat of a failure, but at the end of the day, I was able to have sex for the first time in a long time (with a woman who’s been in a relationship with other man for nine years)...
And, well, it’s been complicated to get back into something casual (like “friends with benefits” or “fuck buddies,” whatever you want to call it) after having given up on these kinds of interactions two or three years ago. Especially since I don’t have any emotional ties to anyone, not even my parents, so it was inevitable that I’d feel dependent on this girl, but I’m getting over it now…
What I mean is that, as Marcus Aurelius and many opponents of Hegelian idealism have said, we can’t be victims of our own minds, our ideals, and our hopes… We must live in reality and in the present without fear or anxiety about the past or the future.
In the past, I used to feel a lot of fear and guilt about what I’d done before, or about what might happen, but, in reality, life goes on, it follows its course, and ideas are just that abstractions. Life is pretty absurd, and time only affects those who dwell on it… It doesn’t matter if you’re 20, 30, or 40 (life goes on, and you can experience the same things, or at least something similar to what you’ve experienced or could have experienced at any point in your life)...
The important thing is that everything is temporary,and nothing is inscribed in the absolute and infinite. But that doesn't mean we can't live or dream, etc.
Live your life
I joined this forum when I was 19, and I’ll turn 24 this July. Over these five years, I’ve been through a lot: I experimented with sexual promiscuity, then went through a period of excessive self-discipline, reclusive loneliness, depression, anxiety, and so on.
Recently, after years of loneliness, I tried to resume my sexual and physical exploration. It was somewhat of a failure, but at the end of the day, I was able to have sex for the first time in a long time (with a woman who’s been in a relationship with other man for nine years)...
And, well, it’s been complicated to get back into something casual (like “friends with benefits” or “fuck buddies,” whatever you want to call it) after having given up on these kinds of interactions two or three years ago. Especially since I don’t have any emotional ties to anyone, not even my parents, so it was inevitable that I’d feel dependent on this girl, but I’m getting over it now…
What I mean is that, as Marcus Aurelius and many opponents of Hegelian idealism have said, we can’t be victims of our own minds, our ideals, and our hopes… We must live in reality and in the present without fear or anxiety about the past or the future.
In the past, I used to feel a lot of fear and guilt about what I’d done before, or about what might happen, but, in reality, life goes on, it follows its course, and ideas are just that abstractions. Life is pretty absurd, and time only affects those who dwell on it… It doesn’t matter if you’re 20, 30, or 40 (life goes on, and you can experience the same things, or at least something similar to what you’ve experienced or could have experienced at any point in your life)...
The important thing is that everything is temporary,and nothing is inscribed in the absolute and infinite. But that doesn't mean we can't live or dream, etc.
Live your life
