My life has always been destined for agony

[buccalfatremoval]

Sorry for the rant but the mental hospital is closed and I’m really pissed off.
First time i independently try to help myself with this mental health shit and Jfl the hospitals closed.
since I’ve been a kid I’ve always had problems, I used to be non verbal for 2 years as a kid because I didn’t want to communicate with people
I was bullied in elementary and middle school and I was always losing and gaining weight at extreme rates
Hated myself and my body so much I took steroids with no prior research at 14 to feel remotely better, then I get fucking struck with a chronic disease and had to stop training
Which made me look worse.
I’ve always been ugly and I tried a lot of shit to look better
Nothing feels enough
I’ve never been loved, not even by mother
I feel like a useless piece of shit every waking hour
The thoughts of suicide have been ripping away at my mind even after I failed my last attempt
I didn’t tell anyone this but a few days ago I got high and I was so out of it I tried strangling myself, I woke up on the bathroom floor with blood everywhere, assuming it’s from my nose.
I don’t really know what to do anymore, I’ve been feeling like this for years and it never got better.
I don’t want to tell my mother, I’d rather rip off my arm before depending on her for anything, especially if it’s related to something im ashamed of like mental health.
God this is the most pointless rant of my fucking life I make no sense jfl
Fuck this

 

[Hess]

Worst part of growing up ugly is the retarded body dysphoria you get with it

 

[buccalfatremoval]

Worst part of growing up ugly is the retarded body dysphoria you get with it

Yeah

 

[buccalfatremoval]

Smoked half a pack under a bridge

 

[nwed]

Sorry for the rant but the mental hospital is closed and I’m really pissed off.
First time i independently try to help myself with this mental health shit and Jfl the hospitals closed.
since I’ve been a kid I’ve always had problems, I used to be non verbal for 2 years as a kid because I didn’t want to communicate with people
I was bullied in elementary and middle school and I was always losing and gaining weight at extreme rates
Hated myself and my body so much I took steroids with no prior research at 14 to feel remotely better, then I get fucking struck with a chronic disease and had to stop training
Which made me look worse.
I’ve always been ugly and I tried a lot of shit to look better
Nothing feels enough
I’ve never been loved, not even by mother
I feel like a useless piece of shit every waking hour
The thoughts of suicide have been ripping away at my mind even after I failed my last attempt
I didn’t tell anyone this but a few days ago I got high and I was so out of it I tried strangling myself, I woke up on the bathroom floor with blood everywhere, assuming it’s from my nose.
I don’t really know what to do anymore, I’ve been feeling like this for years and it never got better.
I don’t want to tell my mother, I’d rather rip off my arm before depending on her for anything, especially if it’s related to something im ashamed of like mental health.
God this is the most pointless rant of my fucking life I make no sense jfl
Fuck this

Hop on some SSRIs gang

But seriusly, i feel so bad for you, prayers to you bro

Dont mind the hate ur goated bhai

 

[buccalfatremoval]

Hop on some SSRIs gang

But seriusly, i feel so bad for you, prayers to you bro

Dont mind the hate ur goated bhai

I was going to the hospital to get them but they’re closed

 

[eryy21]

Sorry for the rant but the mental hospital is closed and I’m really pissed off.
First time i independently try to help myself with this mental health shit and Jfl the hospitals closed.
since I’ve been a kid I’ve always had problems, I used to be non verbal for 2 years as a kid because I didn’t want to communicate with people
I was bullied in elementary and middle school and I was always losing and gaining weight at extreme rates
Hated myself and my body so much I took steroids with no prior research at 14 to feel remotely better, then I get fucking struck with a chronic disease and had to stop training
Which made me look worse.
I’ve always been ugly and I tried a lot of shit to look better
Nothing feels enough
I’ve never been loved, not even by mother
I feel like a useless piece of shit every waking hour
The thoughts of suicide have been ripping away at my mind even after I failed my last attempt
I didn’t tell anyone this but a few days ago I got high and I was so out of it I tried strangling myself, I woke up on the bathroom floor with blood everywhere, assuming it’s from my nose.
I don’t really know what to do anymore, I’ve been feeling like this for years and it never got better.
I don’t want to tell my mother, I’d rather rip off my arm before depending on her for anything, especially if it’s related to something im ashamed of like mental health.
God this is the most pointless rant of my fucking life I make no sense jfl
Fuck this

hope it gets better , just stop hating yourself bro and make some real friends , foids come and go but some niggers are always there for you

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

Close your eyes and make a wish

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

R u diagnosed with anything

 

[Paul.jnxy]

Sorry for the rant but the mental hospital is closed and I’m really pissed off.
First time i independently try to help myself with this mental health shit and Jfl the hospitals closed.
since I’ve been a kid I’ve always had problems, I used to be non verbal for 2 years as a kid because I didn’t want to communicate with people
I was bullied in elementary and middle school and I was always losing and gaining weight at extreme rates
Hated myself and my body so much I took steroids with no prior research at 14 to feel remotely better, then I get fucking struck with a chronic disease and had to stop training
Which made me look worse.
I’ve always been ugly and I tried a lot of shit to look better
Nothing feels enough
I’ve never been loved, not even by mother
I feel like a useless piece of shit every waking hour
The thoughts of suicide have been ripping away at my mind even after I failed my last attempt
I didn’t tell anyone this but a few days ago I got high and I was so out of it I tried strangling myself, I woke up on the bathroom floor with blood everywhere, assuming it’s from my nose.
I don’t really know what to do anymore, I’ve been feeling like this for years and it never got better.
I don’t want to tell my mother, I’d rather rip off my arm before depending on her for anything, especially if it’s related to something im ashamed of like mental health.
God this is the most pointless rant of my fucking life I make no sense jfl
Fuck this

Im actually sorry for you bro. Im not religous or nothing but im sending prayers for you. It will get better one day. We are all gonna make it brah. (If you actually need somebody to talk or vent to PMs are open)

 

[buccalfatremoval]

R u diagnosed with anything

Schizophrenia depression and schizoid
Anxiety but I was like 6 when I got this diagnosed

 

[buccalfatremoval]

Im actually sorry for you bro. Im not religous or nothing but im sending prayers for you. It will get better one day. We are all gonna make it brah. (If you actually need somebody to talk or vent to PMs are open)

Thanks bhai

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

Schizophrenia depression and schizoid
Anxiety but I was like 6 when I got this diagnosed

do you hear voices? or see stuff

 

[buccalfatremoval]

do you hear voices? or see stuff

Mainly voices hallucinations are occasional

 

[niccolo]

Sorry for the rant but the mental hospital is closed and I’m really pissed off.
First time i independently try to help myself with this mental health shit and Jfl the hospitals closed.
since I’ve been a kid I’ve always had problems, I used to be non verbal for 2 years as a kid because I didn’t want to communicate with people
I was bullied in elementary and middle school and I was always losing and gaining weight at extreme rates
Hated myself and my body so much I took steroids with no prior research at 14 to feel remotely better, then I get fucking struck with a chronic disease and had to stop training
Which made me look worse.
I’ve always been ugly and I tried a lot of shit to look better
Nothing feels enough
I’ve never been loved, not even by mother
I feel like a useless piece of shit every waking hour
The thoughts of suicide have been ripping away at my mind even after I failed my last attempt
I didn’t tell anyone this but a few days ago I got high and I was so out of it I tried strangling myself, I woke up on the bathroom floor with blood everywhere, assuming it’s from my nose.
I don’t really know what to do anymore, I’ve been feeling like this for years and it never got better.
I don’t want to tell my mother, I’d rather rip off my arm before depending on her for anything, especially if it’s related to something im ashamed of like mental health.
God this is the most pointless rant of my fucking .

I think you gotta give time to yourself, try finding out your purpose talk to sum friends. I hope you get better Bhai

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

Mainly voices hallucinations are occasional

I also hear voices but im probably not schizo. Mine tell me to jump of the building or how they are going to harm me. What do urs say and can you differenciate them from real voices like me ?

 

[buccalfatremoval]

I also hear voices but im probably not schizo. Mine tell me to jump of the building or how they are going to harm me. What do urs say and can you differenciate them from real voices like me ?

I’ve learned to differentiate them
It’s not really on one spectrum but most of the time it’s negative, comparable to your inner voice with paranoia?
But sometimes I just hear things that aren’t there like glass shattering doors opening etc

 

[filthycurrycel]

ur gna make it bro genuinely, i hope the best for you & no1 stands in front of you for ur goals bro.
it will get better man

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

I’ve learned to differentiate them
It’s not really on one spectrum but most of the time it’s negative, comparable to your inner voice with paranoia?
But sometimes I just hear things that aren’t there like glass shattering doors opening etc

How havent you done suicide? Like dont they say like super negative stuff to you?

 

[buccalfatremoval]

How havent you done suicide? Like dont they say like super negative stuff to you?

I’ve attempted to kill myself on new years

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

I’ve attempted to kill myself on new years

Why didnt you succeed?

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

I’ve attempted to kill myself on new years

are you taking antipsychotics?
And what part rapes ur life the most?
For me the voices. Everything I had destroyed, I hate them

 

[buccalfatremoval]

Why didnt you succeed?

A few hours after ingesting the drugs I vomited, ended up bed ridden for a week.
Guess my body tolerated

 

[buccalfatremoval]

are you taking antipsychotics?
And what part rapes ur life the most?
For me the voices. Everything I had destroyed, I hate them

No I don’t take anything
Probably trying to live with it, gets unbearable after a while.

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

A few hours after ingesting the drugs I vomited, ended up bed ridden for a week.
Guess my body tolerated

I think helium + gas mask is the best or a gun

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

No I don’t take anything
Probably trying to live with it, gets unbearable after a while.

No shit bro. I started the voices in february and now im exhausted.
But why arent you taking anything? I suppose the visions etc. arent that bad then or what?

 

[buccalfatremoval]

I think helium + gas mask is the best or a gun

Can’t get a gun here
I’m probably gonna od again and jump off a bridge next time, seems fool proof

No shit bro. I started the voices in february and now im exhausted.
But why arent you taking anything? I suppose the visions etc. arent that bad then or what?

couldnt be bothered to take the medication and schizophrenia meds never worked for me
Antidepressants were okay but I just felt anhedonia all the time instead of depression

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

Can’t get a gun here
I’m probably gonna od again and jump off a bridge next time, seems fool proof

couldnt be bothered to take the medication and schizophrenia meds never worked for me

which ones have you taken?

Antidepressants were okay but I just felt anhedonia all the time instead of depression

 

[buccalfatremoval]

which ones have you taken?

Not sure wym but if you mean the anti depressants zoloft prozac and amirol mostly
As for my attemp lethal doses of tramadol oxy lyrica ket and a bunch of skeletal muscle relaxants

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

Not sure wym but if you mean the anti depressants zoloft prozac and amirol mostly
As for my attemp lethal doses of tramadol oxy lyrica ket and a bunch of skeletal muscle relaxants

no the schizo meds

 

[buccalfatremoval]

no the schizo meds

Zyprexa And seroquel iirc

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

Zyprexa

I have that but it reduces the size of the prefrontal cortex thats why ion take it.

But i just dont get it. So you have voices but you arent seeming utterly concerned about them? Dont they talk to you through out the say and say stuff that you should jump or that they will skin you or that you are worthless?

its just ur so chill about being schizo

And seroquel iirc

 

[buccalfatremoval]

I have that but it reduces the size of the prefrontal cortex thats why ion take it.

But i just dont get it. So you have voices but you arent seeming utterly concerned about them? Dont they talk to you through out the say and say stuff that you should jump or that they will skin you or that you are worthless?

its just ur so chill about being schizo

It’s been years since I’ve had them, im used to it.
It’s like living with an ugly mole on your arm, it’s annoying and you’re always aware of it but you can’t do anything about it.
Yes they tell me to kill myself and to a bunch of bullshit but I just ignore it.

 

[buccalfatremoval]

I have that but it reduces the size of the prefrontal cortex thats why ion take it.

But i just dont get it. So you have voices but you arent seeming utterly concerned about them? Dont they talk to you through out the say and say stuff that you should jump or that they will skin you or that you are worthless?

its just ur so chill about being schizo

Besides I’ve always had this philosophy of if I can’t change it why bother stressing about it
So just adapting to it I guess

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

It’s been years since I’ve had them, im used to it.
It’s like living with an ugly mole on your arm, it’s annoying and you’re always aware of it but you can’t do anything about it.
Yes they tell me to kill myself and to a bunch of bullshit but I just ignore it.

how where you diagnosed and how did they come?

 

[buccalfatremoval]

how where you diagnosed and how did they come?

Psychiatrist
It’s genetic pretty sure

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

Psychiatrist

water but what made them bring you there did you tell ur parents or what

It’s genetic pretty sure

water
but how was it to hear them for the first tiem