nabiodcels
Iron
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2025
- Posts
- 77
- Reputation
- 88
Ever since 2023 when I turned 16, my life has been shit. I’m about to graduate high school and have done practically nothing I wanted to do when looking back at the goals I had when I was 13-14. I’m still the same loser I was gooning 5 times a day in my room in 2021 online school. I am a generally funny person I’ve heard from others irl and am pretty nice overall, but im pretty low iq, high inhib, probably nd and either autistic or extreme adhd, because I legit am still a khv at almost 18 years old. It’s not normal, I’m a late bloomer and am socially a retard besides when around male friends and occasional the few female friends I have. I don’t have a job cause my parents won’t let me get one despite us being broke as shit, they are divorced and both of them won’t let me get jobs 
, my mom emotionally abused and messed with my head every day since 2023 due to her own stress of shitty jobs and life experiences, I have a poorly developed face due to my parents feeding my shit and slop over the years and even after losing weight, having a glow up, I’m still a khv due to being non -nt, I’m a mtn on my best days, my dad is who better than my mom imo, took the car I was supposed to have in February that my sister who moved to the UK gave me as a hand me down and payed off everything like that, my dad gave and rented that shit to someone else when that car was supposed to be me for me cause I already been knowing how to drive I just don’t have the ability to get my license till the summer and don’t have a car. Everything fucking sucks for the most part and I sometimes wonder why I don’t just fucking ropemaxx cause I honestly don’t see my life getting better when going to university. Even my best friends irl(which I really only have a few real ones) don’t understand me and would probably kill themeseves if they had to live even a day in my shoes. I’m also like 5’11 so height is definitely not helping me either in the foid department jfl. Another note is I’m the youngest siblings of out 4 being the only boy growing up with 3 sisters, my childhood was pretty normal despite us being pretty poor even though we lived in a nice neighborhood and somewhat big one story home. My sisters took care of me a lot back then, I hanged out with friends regularly with kids knocking on my door even in the early mornings weekends and life just felt so much simpler when they lived with me. Ever since my last one moved away to college at 13-14 years old, my life has only been getting worse and worse no matter how many more “friends” or potential “girls” I meet at school. My life is pure fucking suicidefuel and I have basically been an only child my entire teenage life which has fucked me so much. My sisters kept me happy and oblivious as a child although I also was just a lot more of animistic and happy kid growing up constantly smiling and positive about the word. I sometimes wish I could go back into time just so I could redo my life at 3 years old to now with all my knowledge I know cause I totally fucked everything over. Even my online friends I met in late 2020 on discord servers cause we all like Pokémon, a lot of them don’t care about me and backstab me over petty reasons, like last night for example, I was trying to propose the idea of a double date with my best friend irl and my online “friend” said if I win, he’d have to let me go on a double date with him with girl of my choice and my best friend actually took it seriously lol. So we do the match right, and right I was about to win cause I already had an idea of a girl who had shown me signs of interest my irl friend knows and is part of his friend group, so I’m ready to win and see if he actually follows up on the bet, my faggot online friend joins the game last second and restocks so he wins, meaning the bet is useless snd my irl best friend is relieved and counts that as a loss on my end even though my online friend only did that because he was butthurt that I sided with my irl best friend about a ragebait mean joke about my online best friend and he took it so seriously lol. I mean the online friend has severe autism so he definitely holds onto grudges but the thing he’s mad about happened almost a month ago holy shit let it go 
. I swear no one in my life actually cares about me besides my sisters, this word is cruel and unusual, and I don’t think college is gonna get any better. I’ve accepted I’m gonna be a khv when I graduate high school at this point , if you look at my post history, you can see how my high inhib non nt is stopping me from achieving anything noteworthy in my life. I can’t even stop fucking fapping like a stupid monkey and have failed nofap for the past 4 years which is the one thing that gives me confidence to take action, become low inhib, and more nt in life. The one time I had a month and a half streak, I got a girls number and talking stage and had the most confidence in my life ever. I’ve never experienced that dopamine high ever again since that day even though the talking stage failed, the fact that my crush of 3 months wanted me and was attracted me pure of off maybe physical looks but my low inhib attitudes showed me how fucked I am for not being able to do something simple like nofap which could change my life if I take it seriously and commit.
TL;DR: I’ve been a depressed ahh nigga since late 2023 and have even had mental breakdowns in school since early junior year. I’m thinking of just ending it all before college and reliving myself of the stress. My own online friends constantly use me as a punching bag in jokes sometimes and even sometimes this happens irl too occasionally, I get backstabbed by friends, parents, pretty much everyone except for my older sisters who I believe are the only ppl in the world I can truly trust. Knowing how big the age gap is between me and my sisters, I’m probably a mistake and not even planned, I’m the youngest by 5 years while my sisters are all two years apart and are all much more successful than me, even having jobs and more social opportunities at my age. Ik I’m fucking doomed cause even hobbies like drawing, gaming, going to the gym which is one of my main copes, and playing basketball fucking suck now and no longer feel fun much, especially the gym. I feel like I’m coping with all these hobbies and everything I do is useless because at the end of the day, I’m a useless failure broke East African male who is only loved by his older siblings and even then, they have much better lives and important things to care about as they all live in different parts of the world and country cause they are high iq and escaped being low income lifestyle we had growing up. One lives in the uk and is going to Oxford, one lives in Oregon and is going to a top school, and one has her house an hour away from me. While all in their 20s and then there’s me, the useless retarded faggot 17 year old who is about tjj on graduate high school without a bank account, license, own car, and true khv. What is the point of waking up anymore even? Will college be worth it if I’m too low iq and high inhib to change anything?
, my mom emotionally abused and messed with my head every day since 2023 due to her own stress of shitty jobs and life experiences, I have a poorly developed face due to my parents feeding my shit and slop over the years and even after losing weight, having a glow up, I’m still a khv due to being non -nt, I’m a mtn on my best days, my dad is who better than my mom imo, took the car I was supposed to have in February that my sister who moved to the UK gave me as a hand me down and payed off everything like that, my dad gave and rented that shit to someone else when that car was supposed to be me for me cause I already been knowing how to drive I just don’t have the ability to get my license till the summer and don’t have a car. Everything fucking sucks for the most part and I sometimes wonder why I don’t just fucking ropemaxx cause I honestly don’t see my life getting better when going to university. Even my best friends irl(which I really only have a few real ones) don’t understand me and would probably kill themeseves if they had to live even a day in my shoes. I’m also like 5’11 so height is definitely not helping me either in the foid department jfl. Another note is I’m the youngest siblings of out 4 being the only boy growing up with 3 sisters, my childhood was pretty normal despite us being pretty poor even though we lived in a nice neighborhood and somewhat big one story home. My sisters took care of me a lot back then, I hanged out with friends regularly with kids knocking on my door even in the early mornings weekends and life just felt so much simpler when they lived with me. Ever since my last one moved away to college at 13-14 years old, my life has only been getting worse and worse no matter how many more “friends” or potential “girls” I meet at school. My life is pure fucking suicidefuel and I have basically been an only child my entire teenage life which has fucked me so much. My sisters kept me happy and oblivious as a child although I also was just a lot more of animistic and happy kid growing up constantly smiling and positive about the word. I sometimes wish I could go back into time just so I could redo my life at 3 years old to now with all my knowledge I know cause I totally fucked everything over. Even my online friends I met in late 2020 on discord servers cause we all like Pokémon, a lot of them don’t care about me and backstab me over petty reasons, like last night for example, I was trying to propose the idea of a double date with my best friend irl and my online “friend” said if I win, he’d have to let me go on a double date with him with girl of my choice and my best friend actually took it seriously lol. So we do the match right, and right I was about to win cause I already had an idea of a girl who had shown me signs of interest my irl friend knows and is part of his friend group, so I’m ready to win and see if he actually follows up on the bet, my faggot online friend joins the game last second and restocks so he wins, meaning the bet is useless snd my irl best friend is relieved and counts that as a loss on my end even though my online friend only did that because he was butthurt that I sided with my irl best friend about a ragebait mean joke about my online best friend and he took it so seriously lol. I mean the online friend has severe autism so he definitely holds onto grudges but the thing he’s mad about happened almost a month ago holy shit let it go . I swear no one in my life actually cares about me besides my sisters, this word is cruel and unusual, and I don’t think college is gonna get any better. I’ve accepted I’m gonna be a khv when I graduate high school at this point , if you look at my post history, you can see how my high inhib non nt is stopping me from achieving anything noteworthy in my life. I can’t even stop fucking fapping like a stupid monkey and have failed nofap for the past 4 years which is the one thing that gives me confidence to take action, become low inhib, and more nt in life. The one time I had a month and a half streak, I got a girls number and talking stage and had the most confidence in my life ever. I’ve never experienced that dopamine high ever again since that day even though the talking stage failed, the fact that my crush of 3 months wanted me and was attracted me pure of off maybe physical looks but my low inhib attitudes showed me how fucked I am for not being able to do something simple like nofap which could change my life if I take it seriously and commit.TL;DR: I’ve been a depressed ahh nigga since late 2023 and have even had mental breakdowns in school since early junior year. I’m thinking of just ending it all before college and reliving myself of the stress. My own online friends constantly use me as a punching bag in jokes sometimes and even sometimes this happens irl too occasionally, I get backstabbed by friends, parents, pretty much everyone except for my older sisters who I believe are the only ppl in the world I can truly trust. Knowing how big the age gap is between me and my sisters, I’m probably a mistake and not even planned, I’m the youngest by 5 years while my sisters are all two years apart and are all much more successful than me, even having jobs and more social opportunities at my age. Ik I’m fucking doomed cause even hobbies like drawing, gaming, going to the gym which is one of my main copes, and playing basketball fucking suck now and no longer feel fun much, especially the gym. I feel like I’m coping with all these hobbies and everything I do is useless because at the end of the day, I’m a useless failure broke East African male who is only loved by his older siblings and even then, they have much better lives and important things to care about as they all live in different parts of the world and country cause they are high iq and escaped being low income lifestyle we had growing up. One lives in the uk and is going to Oxford, one lives in Oregon and is going to a top school, and one has her house an hour away from me. While all in their 20s and then there’s me, the useless retarded faggot 17 year old who is about tjj on graduate high school without a bank account, license, own car, and true khv. What is the point of waking up anymore even? Will college be worth it if I’m too low iq and high inhib to change anything?
dattebayo!
