saddaszx
Never Enough
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2026
- Posts
- 13
- Reputation
- 20
I just broke up 2 days ago and, I feel fucking destroyed inside, I discovered Lookism in mid 2023 but before that. i came to Portugal when I was very young. I was bullied there and girls used to ask me out as a joke and I was the only black guy in my class, I was still innocent at that time so I didn't think too much of it. Then I changed school and met new friends. And I met a girl that I loved so much. And she loved me back and then we had a very happy teen relationship but my mother saw the messages between me and her and said I was too "filthy" just because I was swearing, then I was grounded for 4 months and barely talked to her even though it hurt me a lot. On the first week of school, she broke up with me later on that night. And about weeks later she was with a better looking guy than me, and girls in school called me ugly out of nowhere. And that was the time Looksmaxxing trend started blowing up. And I started doing Mewing, taking cold showers and buying new clothes, I started feeling better and as my looks began to change. I suddenly found myself with more female friends but I still had to pass a arc of enlightenment since I was still suffering from my ex. For 3 months of that year (the summer break) I had been praying and going more often to church, And I finally felt loved. But then I understood the blackpill suddenly, in 2024 I understand what it meant and started seeing studies like hypergamy charts and etc, seeing videos of people like Clavicular when he didn't use to stream and just post before he was very popular, I hated my looks and despised my flaws and then I was very insecure, but on september 2024 I met a girl, let's call her "B", So I was very attracted to B while I was in school but she dated someone else but then when it ended I had the confidence to talk to her and suddenly people gossiped about her to me and that she did sexual stuff with the other guy. but I still didnt leave her but she started being weird to me so we just broke up. Then in this year. 2025 september. Again I started talking to her and we got over her past and started dating, I made a letter for her and bought her sweets, she cried and she kissed me when I gave her affirming no one else did this for her. I was so happy everything was doing fine, but 5 days ago. Let's say, when I broke up with her in 2024 a while after, like 2 months her father died and she became very mental ill but we were getting over it and she was doing better. But she started having episodes because of her father. And she told me she needed time because she doesnt know if she can be with someone who does everything for her and she is sad and etc and she doesnt want to feel like a burden, but days later she broke up with me with that same reason and I cried my eyes out all day and the next day She said we can still be friends and we are but I know she is losing her feelings and it hurts me a lot. Yesterday I was in a live and there was people discussing hypergamy and I explained what happened to me and they told me to vent on org. And here I am. A 5'10 Black (Mixed) person in highschool, a girl said I was the best looking immigrant in our school and I got good attention from girls after I ascended. But still I don't know what went wrong in my relationship, if it's about my looks, my personality or I just met the wrong person. I'm not here to larp or troll, I have burnout and I'm possibly mentally ill, That's it, I'll try replying to most of the replies.
