vrt
casual visitor
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- Apr 9, 2023
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dnrhello forum..
it sure has been quite a bit since i was last on here and the reason being which i want to explain to you all is because im now 18 years old and i have felt like i have accomplished absolutely fucking nothing my life because of this community.
if you are below 18 years old and are a new user or a lurker thinking of joining please read this thread if you have the attention span for it, i say this out of the sake for others and so you do not end up like me and some well known users who were apart of this online cult cause it will cause serious damage on your mental health
i am a user on this forum since 2022 I've lurked for way longer and I will be going into context how this community will destroy you and eat your soul and leave you feeling terrible in life
it all started when i was 13 years old. i was fat ugly and short, everyone around me at this age where getting into relationships when i wasnt and i knew the problem was my appearance (and autism but there will never be a fix for that and accepting that is of course is very difficult.) i was really insecure of my nose when i was 12 because i was told that i wasnt invited to this party because i was told my nose was too big so i showed signs of bdd since then at a young age. so in early 2020 i wanted to find a group of people i could maybe relate too and share my goals with and maybe uplift some people, it was a looksmaxxing discord server and because this was before it went mainstream me being 13 at the time was the youngest person to be in this server, i was bullied by 20 year olds who were worse than me surprisingly enough and i left the server when i realised how pathetic some of these people were to bully a 13 year old online, it was all odd to me at first because i just saw people talking about "maxx this maxx that" it was like wow there is so many methods and ways in life to get a gf and improve looks as my young dumb naive brain though. i remember talking to a ginger dude in his 20s who i was cool with but he was severely depressed and i did my best to motivate and to keep on moving with his life because i wasnt a hateful person back then i was a little bit edgy but who wasnt when they were a kid. i left that server and got on with my weight loss, at 14 i was at my most happiest, losing weight really changed my life and i felt like this was all the beginning for me becoming an attractive man and focusing completely on my health and sleeping early etc doing cardio, everything was on track for me until school began and we entered another lockdown later in that year, by this time this is when a new insecurity began and i was about to turn 15 in 2 months, i was insecure of my height i was 5'10 at 14 and of course i wanted to make it to 6ft (i am now 6'3) so this was when i looked up ways on google how to grow taller with hgh cause i found out about it in a documentary. i then stubled upon this forum and heard about mk677 and was totally fixated on it and was upset when my dad wouldn't get it for me. since i knew what the blackpill was by then i looked more into it as i used for my way of finding out why i didnt have a gf, i remember looking at the statistics for autistic men and finding out how im going to face so much difficulty in life destroyed me. this is probably where it was going to begin fast forward to summer of 2021 i decided to go into some more looksmaxxing servers again hoping i would find good people (idk what my fucking stupid brain was thinking then) and turns out when scrolling through a bit i met similar people as i did last time and now that i really look back on it these people were fucked in the head. they encouraged me to r@pe girls if i couldn't get them and they were wanting me to record them at the beach, of course i didn't do any of that because i have a moral compass and even though i was "blackpilled" back then i never really put much of my blame on the opposite sex i knew i needed to fix somethings about myself and i still feel exactly that way and i am aware that i am the problem and i can tell you right now women are not at fault for anything i have done. fast forward to 2022, this was the worst year of my life i was the most depressed in that year and with me being in bp or looksmaxx discord servers i made an account on here in may, i never posted or said anything on it though and was deleted very shortly as i wasnt caring enough about this forum because at the same time i was gonna meet up with a girl later on in july, and funny enough i meet an OG on this forum in public when i was in the city (@rambocel remember vavubu or Irwin or Richard Campbell, it was him lmao, i walked past him in the streets). after this everything just declined i had no friends in school and found myself using this site on computers on the library computers. at this point i had so many fucking insecurities and surgery was on my mind 24/7. as the months went by i was starting to lose touch with who i was. becoming more hateful and bitter to others when they hadn't done anything to me, i was incredibly active on here last year and at this point almost every week id have a mental breakdown over my looks and situation in life constantly asking for advice and what surgery's i needed, being told i was ugly by users here, i had felt like with all the abuse from school, family especially step dad, that ive had a shit life for a long time. crying myself to sleep when i was 11 years old and then you have my younger sister who is 11 now and is already living a better life than me at that age by having more friends and just by being NT by default, i dont deny the blackpill, it does say a lot of true shit albeit mostly exaggerated (for example race and ethnicity effecting your chances with women which is absolutely not true at all look at kpop band members and ive seen loads of attractive brown people get admired for by women of all other races and such) college begun for me and i did okay socially but my sleep routine set me back i didnt have sex with anyone if i said i did i was larping and suffered a low sex drive as the result of me about to enter a severe depression, i was on this forum again from September till june last 2 months taking breaks now and then for my mental wellbeing. i dealt with mostly negative shit in college, my cat died, i was feeling depressed at parties even, i had this fucking tweaker have me on strings because he admitted to stabbing people and his so called father figure killing people so i had to escape that guy because i didn't want my life in danger and i wanted no association with this dude because of how insanely fucked up he was. dropped out of college to work on mental health as that was my top priority.
i think this is about how much i can recap so lets talk about the present.
so where am i currently, well tbh not that great at all writing this down helps because i know there is some of you who will give out the time to read this and maybe come to a point of understanding. i am in a weird emotional cycle right now, and because ive learnt to let go the blackpill and focus on the whitepill, truthfully i dont really like having a label on it but whitepill is basically how i felt because i did have a bit of hope in me and was strangely enough happy for a week, i was looking at a lot motivational videos and soon at some point im gonna go on a cut and get lean as i dont really think i need anything done on my face at least for now. im more insecure of my body more so than my face and yes i do have bdd still. i lost that happiness really quickly as of recently and that was when i went to the psychiatrist. my doctor was believe it or not a bald ethnic short guy i was a foot taller than him and after explaining everything to him i felt like a complete asshole and i was worried i made him insecure really hope not cause really when you think about (.org users take fucking notes for this) he is a doctor he gets up every day and is in a high earning position despite his major flaws and such so you know what props to him and I'm glad and thankful he is getting me the help i need, he does think i do have bdd as a mental disorder and in all honesty im not taking anti depressants because they are an obvious scam, I've only seen shrooms work as an anti depressant and it wont be this year but i hope soon ill be able to go to the Netherlands to try them as there legal over there and uk is hard af to get them. im feeling like shit again cause of the damage this community has done to me i wasted 5 years of my life surrounded by mentally unwell people with appearance issues and narcissism on the internet. i was out last night giving socialising a go again but as i got drunk i just got depressed and was thinking how this place ruined my life. after i have made this i will be going off again, by now ive told my friends family about my bdd and what looksmaxxing is and they all tell me to stay away and while i havent been on here aside from me abusing alcohol which i do want to stop cause all its done is harm those around me and myself. im not using any social media right now i have like 2 apps not deleted but im not using them i deleted reddit, discord and X off my phone ages ago and so far im in a better place than i was when using them i enjoy being a ghost, i wont let this effect me anymore as i do not wish to be affiliated with this community anymore i turn 20 in 2 years i dont want to be mentally unwell at 20. i do think it will get better soon and im really praying thats the case. been doing swimming a lot more and i absoutly love it i know its very cliche thing to say but hobbies do infact help and im thinking of giving college again another go and try and do a sports course that involves it hopefully with me moving on from all this ill have a much better time in college and life in general.
my advice for anyone lurking or new is this...
dont let this forum turn you into someone you are not, dont be hateful dont doxx and self improve without needing the validation of people on this shit forum, hit the gym do skincare try and look for some good softmaxxes like mt2 for a tan, dye brows dye your hair the basics really stay healthy if you really do wanna go surgery to fix or enhance something when your older go do it you dont need 5 different surgeries if someone calls you a LTN (chances are you probably arent anyways ive seen those rated as "MTNs" are actually HTNs and people here always under rate and ratings from girls is what is more important anyways
DO NOT TAKE ROIDS OR TEST "but clavicular and loox did it young" yes but the sides will catch up to them its already catching up to loox anyways as i seen his recent thread. if you genuinely care about your face too aswell as body no substances you will age super quickly get acne and go bald and bloated
if you do end up posting here just remember nothing gets deleted so keep a clean image when asking for advice like i said dont be hateful or bitter. dont project your issues onto women or people of a different skin colour (go to an incel forum if you do)
please do not post your face on here at all there is a lot people on here willing to dox you for the fun of it
and ultimately never let this place get the worst out of you leave as soon as you can so you dont suffer from not socialising and having a life and go on multiple waiting lists for therapy
and last i want to say @greycel thank you for being a shining light in a world of darkness im sorry i was being a dick to you on that andrew tate thread, you are by far the best user here for what you preach and id honestly love to talk to you a lot more now, i dont want you to be on this forum for long your not someone worthy of being around these people and i hope you know that. no gay or anything but i love you bro your a good user
if theres anything else i should cover lmk below. ill be on here to reply to some comments after that im going off again for good this time, i wanted to make this because it is very sad seeing people in the position i was once in not know what they are getting themselves into
and james i know you arent on here anymore but if you do stumble across this thread just know that i thank and credit you too thank you for helping me get out this place and sorry i was a dick to you too youve been a good close friend i found through here too
