my schizo journey part 1

[goodtobegoodmaxx]

hey its good imma start making videos to just talk about the voices i hear ive been hearing them for 5 years and i never really told anyone but now my mind is letting me that might not make sense but the voices i would hear would tell me a bunch of things and one of them is that if i tell people theyll use it against me or to hurt me or there might be federal agents i dont know how much longer ill keep living with all this it makes life very hard in many ways with friends family girlfriends jobs schoolwork and just being happy or really feeling any emotion i hate how i feel but i still care about the voices because i feel its the only real thing i have i know i can trust my self when i cant even trust my family sometime but some times my mind tries to make me forget things and silence the thoughts and sometimes its really loud and the things the voices tell to me feel real and i trust them so i believe i was never super good looking im blackpilled ofc but i wont really bring that up in this video but that had a role to do with my personality and relationships friends and girlfriends so having not a lot of close or real relationships i listened to the voices and they were there for me so i trust them even if its sounds crazy ok but now we need to go to the start so when did this start in 2021 my dad died he had a overdose in a club i was the closet with my dad out of my two brothers my mom and dad divorced years before he died they never really had a good relationship and i was never really close with my mom she always treated me the worst because i was like my dad but soon after he died life just got worse my dad was like my bestfriend and a father figure he was the only person who i could truly talk to or trust and whenever he got upset if i was doing drugs or acting up and up to the point before he died i never really did i was just trynna fit in with people at my school but he would get mad and never make me feel bad about myself and i would actually learn things and even feel better after the conversation but when he died i really had no one like that my mom treated me terribly and i moved in with my grandparents a couple years before my dad died because of how she treated me and at my grandparents they treated me good but it was never like my dad ok so back to where i was after my dad died actually the day my dad died i couldn't even talk i remember my mom crying in the corner while my aunt told us my brothers and i were at my moms when we heard the news i remember the exact moment they told me he died i never felt anything like that before and i haven't since it felt like i flew out of my body and everything was blurry and i was punched in the chest and couldn't breath i couldn't even cry i was to busy thinking about all the memories then after that day that time up til now is really just a blur not because of drugs or alchohol or partying and getting in trouble at home with cops and school and which there was a lot of but something in my mind changed i started having crazy thoughts and they were mine i didn't know why i was thinking them and my emotions i couldn't control them i would get super happy and sad at random times and angry to and they called me manic and diagnosed me bipolar i started going to a psychiatrist every couple of months i was taking a lot of medicine and i wanted to tell the psychiatrist about my thoughts but every time i got there someone or some voice i didn't control in my brain would tell me he would use it against me maybe to make fun of me or hurt me

 

[goodtobegoodmaxx]

i will post more parts if you want but it might take time

 

[sørenyuko]

-

 

[sørenyuko]

compress and put some spaces into that wall of text or everyone's gonna ignore you instantly

 

[jflmeister]

compress and put some spaces into that wall of text or everyone's gonna ignore you instantly

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE FUCKING WEEEEEEEEED AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DUDE!!!!!!!!!! WEED!!!!!!!!!!!! hits bong FUCKING DUUUUUUDE that WEEED like just...................DUDE LMFFFFFAAAAAAOOOO i am so fucking HIGH on WEED right now XD WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED holla my DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JUST.........ROLL................MY.......................JOINT......................UP........................................AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DANK DANK DANK WEED LEGALIZE IT! LEGALIZE IT! LEGALIZE IT! ROLL EM SMOKE EM PUT EM IN A BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am just FUCKING BAKED right now my DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOO RAISE YO HAND IF U TURNT AF RIGHT NOW raises both hands AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WEED DUDE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I SMOKE 2 JOINTS IN DA MORNIN MON...........DUDE! WEED! HAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LIKE A FUCKIN KITE RIGHT NOW MY DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! S O F U C K I N G H I G H O N W E E D I CANT EVEN FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMOKING ONLY THE DANKEST OF HERB MY DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOME OF THAT TRIPLE BANANA WINSTON CHURCHILL MEGA DANK GAZA GRASS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKIN SO FUCKIN BLAZED RIGHT NOW DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDE AHAHAHAHHAA BAZINGA inhales YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cough THIS cough SHIT cough IS cough SO cough FUCKIN cough DANK my DUDE HAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAH WHY AM I EVEN LAUGHING ROTFLMAOO THIS SHIT IS NARSH BRO FUCKIN HELLA SMOKE WEED ERR DAY YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

[goodtobegoodmaxx]

compress and put some spaces into that wall of text or everyone's gonna ignore you instantly

will do

 

[CheezyPoof]

You had psychosis because of the traumatic event which activated it but you were always schizo to begin with that’s just how it works. Anyway I’d get on some antipsychotics. Yes the voices seem real and to you they are because you hear them but it is your own mind acting up and even if they are real, which they aren’t, still doesn’t mean they are correct. Already you can notice how they give bad instructions and that can really fuck up your life over time. I recommend you watch some people on YouTube like schizo kitzo who makes videos maybe you can relate and hopefully make some good decisions.

 

[goodtobegoodmaxx]

You had psychosis because of the traumatic event which activated it but you were always schizo to begin with that’s just how it works. Anyway I’d get on some antipsychotics. Yes the voices seem real and to you they are because you hear them but it is your own mind acting up and even if they are real, which they aren’t, still doesn’t mean they are correct. Already you can notice how they give bad instructions and that can really fuck up your life over time. I recommend you watch some people on YouTube like schizo kitzo who makes videos maybe you can relate and hopefully make some good decisions.

im on depakote 500mg and invega 6mg

 

[CheezyPoof]

im on depakote 500mg and invega 6mg

Ok I missed that in your wall of text. It is also normal things still seem blurry in hindsight that is typical brain fog. And drugs are also not a great idea if your brain has these issues. I mean like weed and stuff, not meds obviously

 

[goodtobegoodmaxx]

Ok I missed that in your wall of text. It is also normal things still seem blurry in hindsight that is typical brain fog. And drugs are also not a great idea if your brain has these issues. I mean like weed and stuff, not meds obviously

yes i have stop doing drugs and am on primal diet which has helped

 

[goodtobegoodmaxx]

Ok I missed that in your wall of text. It is also normal things still seem blurry in hindsight that is typical brain fog. And drugs are also not a great idea if your brain has these issues. I mean like weed and stuff, not meds obviously

i will probably release 3 more parts this length