luuk
#1 ranked MTB slayer
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2025
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When I was younger I clearly cared about things and doing what was expected of me. Deadlines felt urgent and my goals motivated me. Somewhere along the way I broke down enough that my entire notion of urgency, of purpose, my fear of consequences for inaction just kind of broke. Not for action, low inhib/high risk tolerance would mog.
Like I have an incredibly important exam on monday and my body just does not particularly care about it. I don’t feel stressed or as if I need to revise. I just feel nothing, apathetic. This isn’t just academic it has became my reality for every goal or intent or basic requirement. I don’t feel like I’m walking in a straight line from goal to goal like I once was, I am just sort of floating through a very disorganised existence, like I’ve lost my grounding in life and in reality
I don’t think I’m going insane, I’m not hallucinating or thinking/acting delusionally yet. But something is wrong and the problem is that it doesn’t scare me. I’m making mistakes knowing what the right choice is and what the outcome will be, like I am compelled to. I feel like I am ruled by compulsion, that I am experiencing a lower level of consciousness than I once did. Everything felt real for 17, 18? years. After that its became progressively messier, more disorganised, harder to predict
I was once so senstive that I’d cry if I did bad on a test. I stressed all the time, I was insecure about my looks, I overthinked things I had goals and passions and dreams and I made sure to meticulously maintain a particjlar image. Now I just don’t really feel anything when my life collapses in on itself. I do things contradictory to my stated goals and I pursue stimuli purely to feel
Idk man maybe I’m losing it, over
Like I have an incredibly important exam on monday and my body just does not particularly care about it. I don’t feel stressed or as if I need to revise. I just feel nothing, apathetic. This isn’t just academic it has became my reality for every goal or intent or basic requirement. I don’t feel like I’m walking in a straight line from goal to goal like I once was, I am just sort of floating through a very disorganised existence, like I’ve lost my grounding in life and in reality
I don’t think I’m going insane, I’m not hallucinating or thinking/acting delusionally yet. But something is wrong and the problem is that it doesn’t scare me. I’m making mistakes knowing what the right choice is and what the outcome will be, like I am compelled to. I feel like I am ruled by compulsion, that I am experiencing a lower level of consciousness than I once did. Everything felt real for 17, 18? years. After that its became progressively messier, more disorganised, harder to predict
I was once so senstive that I’d cry if I did bad on a test. I stressed all the time, I was insecure about my looks, I overthinked things I had goals and passions and dreams and I made sure to meticulously maintain a particjlar image. Now I just don’t really feel anything when my life collapses in on itself. I do things contradictory to my stated goals and I pursue stimuli purely to feel
Idk man maybe I’m losing it, over
