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Kraken
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2025
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My son is autistic. He's fairly independent & he works a part time job, stays home alone fine (even overnight sometimes), can do his own shopping. Etc.
He used to love my girlfriend. I've been with her almost a year now, since last April or so. He'd talk about how cool she was and how they had so much fun together. She also liked him at first, but he can be a bit much sometimes and she has very little patience.
Lately, there's some incident every time they're alone together. I'll come home and she's pissed about some thing he did and he's sitting there with his hands over his ears saying he doesn't know what he did wrong. And honestly, I typically side with him. I've had so many conversations with her where I explain that I need her to ask (or at least inform) me before she tries to parent him, or discipline him. But I keep finding out she "grounded" him or confiscated his iPad or made some new rule I didn't know about.
She "grounded" him last week, while I was gone. Took his phone and his iPad, locked his toys in his room, and told him not to leave the couch, then left him alone. For several hours. Without telling me.
I returned his shit the second I found out and she was furious about it. I can't understand why she's seemingly a different person only around my son. They get along when it's all three of us. I can tell my son still likes her even if she's "mean" when they're alone.
Ever since the couch incident, my son keeps asking if he can come to work with me. Or if he could stay at the library for 8 hours while I'm away. He said it's not to avoid her and that he doesn't have a problem with her, but it's obviously just to get away from her.
I just don't know how I can stay with someone who can't be alone with my kid. Every time I talk to her about this, she gets defensive. Says I baby him, I'm too soft, that he's manipulative and has me wrapped around his finger. But it's not crazy for me to not want my son to be afraid of my partner.
Is there anything I can do/try that will let me keep both happy?
TL;DR - My autistic son acts afraid to be left alone with my girlfriend, but they get along when I'm around. She disciplines him without permission from me. How can I fix this?
He used to love my girlfriend. I've been with her almost a year now, since last April or so. He'd talk about how cool she was and how they had so much fun together. She also liked him at first, but he can be a bit much sometimes and she has very little patience.
Lately, there's some incident every time they're alone together. I'll come home and she's pissed about some thing he did and he's sitting there with his hands over his ears saying he doesn't know what he did wrong. And honestly, I typically side with him. I've had so many conversations with her where I explain that I need her to ask (or at least inform) me before she tries to parent him, or discipline him. But I keep finding out she "grounded" him or confiscated his iPad or made some new rule I didn't know about.
She "grounded" him last week, while I was gone. Took his phone and his iPad, locked his toys in his room, and told him not to leave the couch, then left him alone. For several hours. Without telling me.
I returned his shit the second I found out and she was furious about it. I can't understand why she's seemingly a different person only around my son. They get along when it's all three of us. I can tell my son still likes her even if she's "mean" when they're alone.
Ever since the couch incident, my son keeps asking if he can come to work with me. Or if he could stay at the library for 8 hours while I'm away. He said it's not to avoid her and that he doesn't have a problem with her, but it's obviously just to get away from her.
I just don't know how I can stay with someone who can't be alone with my kid. Every time I talk to her about this, she gets defensive. Says I baby him, I'm too soft, that he's manipulative and has me wrapped around his finger. But it's not crazy for me to not want my son to be afraid of my partner.
Is there anything I can do/try that will let me keep both happy?
TL;DR - My autistic son acts afraid to be left alone with my girlfriend, but they get along when I'm around. She disciplines him without permission from me. How can I fix this?
