soulless_npc
angels & demons
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2023
- Posts
- 4,183
- Reputation
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My soul got stuck at the age sex and affection were denied to me
I can function on a high level but I feel like I'm just following a script of responses that are appropriate to the context and I have imposter syndrome, as a result, most social interactions I have are bullshit, contrived, and soulless
I blame this on not developing a strong sense of self earlier and just living in reaction to various at the time traumatic events which continued to ping pong me around until eventually things plateau but by then you're likely already cooked
I feel like a sell-out, like I just did what was expected of me and what I was told to do and I lost authenticity in the process, and I got nothing in return for it anyways
Because I actually believed the boomers. One boomer in particular, who tried to counsel me in life. He told me that if I just worked hard I'd get pussy. And I believed it. It appealed to eager beaver because eager beaver really thought it was that simple
But pussy wasn't there for me when I was working as a garbageman
Pussy wasn't there for me when I was working with a roofing crew
Pussy wasn't there for me when I was working in a warehouse
Pussy wasn't even there for me when I had a better job in a major US city and my own place and was doing everything I was supposed to do
Pussy is there however for 6'5" trust fund zoomer chad who's never done a hard days work in his life
I'm outraged at the stupidity and futility of life
But I'm also outraged at myself
I did everything right and yet did everything wrong
I can function on a high level but I feel like I'm just following a script of responses that are appropriate to the context and I have imposter syndrome, as a result, most social interactions I have are bullshit, contrived, and soulless
I blame this on not developing a strong sense of self earlier and just living in reaction to various at the time traumatic events which continued to ping pong me around until eventually things plateau but by then you're likely already cooked
I feel like a sell-out, like I just did what was expected of me and what I was told to do and I lost authenticity in the process, and I got nothing in return for it anyways
Because I actually believed the boomers. One boomer in particular, who tried to counsel me in life. He told me that if I just worked hard I'd get pussy. And I believed it. It appealed to eager beaver because eager beaver really thought it was that simple
But pussy wasn't there for me when I was working as a garbageman
Pussy wasn't there for me when I was working with a roofing crew
Pussy wasn't there for me when I was working in a warehouse
Pussy wasn't even there for me when I had a better job in a major US city and my own place and was doing everything I was supposed to do
Pussy is there however for 6'5" trust fund zoomer chad who's never done a hard days work in his life
I'm outraged at the stupidity and futility of life
But I'm also outraged at myself
I did everything right and yet did everything wrong
