MY STORY: I am 24 years old and I need to open myself

[returnofthecutecel]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

 

[L88]

Focus on your career and success

 

[returnofthecutecel]

Focus on your career and success

Its over

 

[Zias]

Coming from an old cel who had kind of a similar experience, nobody is going to take your intelligence away. This will be your driving force in your life which allows you to be better, at anything you want, much quicker than others.

Where you struggle is being social. Perhaps you're nervous about it cause of the bullying. Perhaps you lie about your social life to others. Perhaps you have a lot of shame. This severely hinders your ability to be social. One thing that will change your life is, maybe in a year, or five or 10 years is this:
I'm sick of being where I am in life, I'm not some fucking loser and everything can be learned and I will succeed. This is where your intelligence will drive you forward.

The moment this happens you will actively try to get better at the things you struggle with and you get more okay with yourself over a couple months, you would ideally figure out what you really want out of life. What kind of man do you want to be. What possible friends and connections suit me. I don't know if you're neurodivergent, but it sounds right now you're trying to get a life that looks like a neurotypical's life. This is the biggest mistake you can make. Even when a neurotypical gets good at social masking and gets accepted into a NT friendgroup , it will drain them instead of give them energy. ND like to talk about the why, values, the world, trying to get to know eachother, learning new things. Surround yourself with people like you.

Maybe im wrong a little but lmk

Good luck

 

[spermiel]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

I recommend you try rejection therapy look it up on YouTube to loose social anxiety

 

[achance]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

Hey bro, not sure if you believe in God. I think working on your spirit and praying could help you. Especially when you feel hopeless, it can be comforting to draw strength from an external and eternal source greater than yourself.

Also, Zias gave good advice. You can definitely find people like yourself. It's important to feel understood.

 

[tarkdriad33]

my dad beat me

 

[Molotongo]

Damn bro I'm sorry I wish you only the best

 

[Arminus]

Coming from an old cel who had kind of a similar experience, nobody is going to take your intelligence away. This will be your driving force in your life which allows you to be better, at anything you want, much quicker than others.

Where you struggle is being social. Perhaps you're nervous about it cause of the bullying. Perhaps you lie about your social life to others. Perhaps you have a lot of shame. This severely hinders your ability to be social. One thing that will change your life is, maybe in a year, or five or 10 years is this:
I'm sick of being where I am in life, I'm not some fucking loser and everything can be learned and I will succeed. This is where your intelligence will drive you forward.

The moment this happens you will actively try to get better at the things you struggle with and you get more okay with yourself over a couple months, you would ideally figure out what you really want out of life. What kind of man do you want to be. What possible friends and connections suit me. I don't know if you're neurodivergent, but it sounds right now you're trying to get a life that looks like a neurotypical's life. This is the biggest mistake you can make. Even when a neurotypical gets good at social masking and gets accepted into a NT friendgroup , it will drain them instead of give them energy. ND like to talk about the why, values, the world, trying to get to know eachother, learning new things. Surround yourself with people like you.

Maybe im wrong a little but lmk

Good luck

I seek advice too I’m eighteen and struggling I think it’s over for me

 

[satangoy]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

holy shit i read every single molecule and I see myself in you so bad

 

[Eskorbutin]

If you feel burnt out already you should first question what do you really want to do.
I had teacher parents too and they were the biggest issue for me growing up at your age into my 30s.
What do you want? Think about it, how do you want to spend the rest of your life? If you don't like who you are it's very difficult to inspire this feeling in others.

 

[Zias]

I seek advice too I’m eighteen and struggling I think it’s over for me

What u struggling with rn

 

[Arminus]

What u struggling with rn

Job finding and theory test for car I feel so behind

 

[Eskorbutin]

Job finding and theory test for car I feel so behind

You are never behind, I'm 30 in less than a month and I'm close to resetting from scratch and moving to my old grandma house where I don't have to pay rent.
If you think you are behind, the more you keep thinking the more behind you'll get then.

 

[returnofthecutecel]

You are never behind, I'm 30 in less than a month and I'm close to resetting from scratch and moving to my old grandma house where I don't have to pay rent.
If you think you are behind, the more you keep thinking the more behind you'll get then.

Thinking about studying for teacher.

 

[Eskorbutin]

Thinking about studying for teacher.

Teacher is good here you have nice holidays and safe job but getting to it is suffering. I think you can do a masters that skips you "oposiciones". I am considering too.

 

[returnofthecutecel]

Teacher is good here you have nice holidays and safe job but getting to it is suffering. I think you can do a masters that skips you "oposiciones". I am considering too.

No, you need the master's before the "oposición", even without passing the exam you get the job

 

[Eskorbutin]

No, you need the master's before the "oposición", even without passing the exam you get the job

That's good to know anyway, people spend their life trying to pass the exam. Also there will be many new people for you to meet in this masters and possibly more women during the process and chances for you to really learn to open

 

[jester]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

just be yourself and live stress free, if you’re doing what you wanna do you’ll go where you belong

 

[Zias]

Job finding and theory test for car I feel so behind

If these are your struggles right now you should count yourself lucky

 

[SigmaDun1]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

i deadass think this is the path im going to follow, im 17 currently, only difference is im completely failing school

 

[Taylors_Lil_Ethnic]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

Damn man im not really experienced in things like this but i think the first and the biggest problem you need to solve is money rn bro. No looksmaxing,no finding yourself, no peace and quiet will ever come when you have financial stress, try doing stuff online. For the friendship part i think people on .org and online game communities can help you socialize look for people around your area that share the same hobbies as you. This is all i can provide man, after all No one can save you other than you, but it takes real courage to admit this so thank you for being a strong individual

 

[Taylors_Lil_Ethnic]

Word, same bro the only thing holding me together is the fact im good at finance and Swing trading stuff so my life is decent at least for the time being but my chud base will break my life down

i deadass think this is the path im going to follow, im 17 currently, only difference is im completely failing school

 

[Arminus]

If these are your struggles right now you should count yourself lucky

Money is a worry

 

[ochinchin]

what rating you got on truerateme and what do you think your rating is

 

[sick kunt31]

crazy how clav didn't go to uni and make 1 million a month in a year while you struggle to put food on the plate and wasted years on college really shows the IQ you need to have to be extra ordinary

 

[returnofthecutecel]

crazy how clav didn't go to uni and make 1 million a month in a year while you struggle to put food on the plate and wasted years on college really shows the IQ you need to have to be extra ordinary

Clav has IQ?

 

[sick kunt31]

Clav has IQ?

idk

 

[returnofthecutecel]

idk

Clavicular was rich the day he was born, same as loox.

Also, I didn't waste years in college since I have formation and knowledge.

 

[sick kunt31]

Clavicular was rich the day he was born, same as loox.

Also, I didn't waste years in college since I have formation and knowledge.

without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing

 

[Zias]

Money is a worry

All students have money worries brah.

 

[HeavyMetalcel]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

This is just me but getting a friend group that I actually enjoy being around helped cure my loneliness and I practically feel happy with my life now. There were some other factors why I started to feel good about myself (like getting a gf, now ex lol) and such but overall when you have friends that love having you around and vice versa you feel like you don't need anything else.

Now how do you plan on acquiring friends is a different thing and it depends on you but I can't recommend it enough.

 

[HeavyMetalcel]

This is just me but getting a friend group that I actually enjoy being around helped cure my loneliness and I practically feel happy with my life now. There were some other factors why I started to feel good about myself (like getting a gf, now ex lol) and such but overall when you have friends that love having you around and vice versa you feel like you don't need anything else.

Now how do you plan on acquiring friends is a different thing and it depends on you but I can't recommend it enough.

also you build up confidence in yourself

 

[psltristan1]

I want to open up in this thread. I need help.

I don’t know where to start. I’m 24 years old and this beginning of the year has been bringing me to tears at four in the morning.

I am unhappy, and I have solid reasons to be. I was born as a normal kid. I played with other kids and laughed. There were no worries. I remember my early school days, which at first I hated: lining up and the sound of the school bell. The playground during recess was a place where soccer matches were lived intensely, and I was part of that. There were eleven of us (twelve later on), and I felt like I truly belonged to the group.

I was always a good student, partly thanks to the education I received from my family. My father, who is a teacher, instilled in me the importance of studying, and thanks to him I am who I am today. Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential.

However, things changed when I started secondary school. Some of my classmates were the same, but many were new. Some seemed to be the same people I knew — or so I thought. The “same” ones changed their personalities, although I managed to stay close to my best friend during those years. Secondary school was one of the worst periods of my life and marked the moment when that happy child started to doubt himself. During that time, bullying began — for lack of a better word. It’s hard to explain, but from the very first day of secondary school I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. The insecurity that came from meeting new people and feeling constantly judged made me feel deeply alone and nauseous every morning before school. Later on, things escalated: I started getting slapped on the back of the head, and people laughed at me for my appearance (my ears, acne, and other physical traits).

During that period, I isolated myself at home, playing video games like Call of Duty, watching YouTube videos, and browsing the internet. They were going out, drinking, and sharing moments with friends. I learned how to live alone.

In high school, things seemed more normal. The bullying stopped when I changed schools, and people treated me better. The summer before high school I joined a gym, people noticed the change, and I felt better about myself. I stayed in class with my best friend and met another guy I got along with. However, the pressure and anxiety I imposed on myself due to my high standards and perfectionism around exams — especially the college entrance exam — disrupted my mental balance. One day, during an anxiety episode, my parents decided to call a doctor, who prescribed me medication: lorazepam and escitalopram. The first few days on medication felt amazing; I went to class happy and without worries. But over time, the effect faded, and I went back to being my usual self.

Despite everything, I managed to get a very high GPA in high school and scored around 13 out of 14 on the college entrance exam. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study. On one hand, my inner child wanted to be a computer engineer, since I grew up surrounded by computers and loved technology. On the other hand, I considered other options like Medicine or Biotechnology, because I started to enjoy molecular biology in high school thanks to an amazing teacher.

I decided to enroll in a double degree in Computer Engineering and Statistics, but things didn’t go well. With the best intentions, my parents placed me in a university residence, but I lasted less than a month. I couldn’t leave my room, and every shared moment with the other residents felt suffocating; my mind would completely shut down. At university, I also failed to connect with my classmates. I spent my days crying, and the whole situation led me to quit everything. I felt the degree wasn’t for me and that I didn’t belong there, especially since there was a lot of electronics and circuitry involved — subjects I had never studied before, even though I loved computer science.

I dropped out and isolated myself at home for months. Too much time to think, endless empty hours. I filled that time by downloading dating apps. I started worrying about the fact that I had never attracted a girl, except for a “girlfriend” I had as a child — someone I’m probably still in love with to this day. We shared many moments during childhood and long afternoons chatting on Messenger. Going back to the dating apps, they triggered a huge obsession with my appearance and body. I got a few matches, but most girls never replied, and the number of matches was very small. This pushed me to search online. I started believing I was unattractive and posted my first picture on r/truerateme, where I received a low facial attractiveness rating. One comment mentioned the forum looksmax.org, and I decided to register. From that moment on, my nightmare began.

I have been obsessed with my physical appearance since 2019, and I have been active on looksmaxxing forums ever since. I still haven’t had my first kiss or lost my virginity, and I’m 24 years old. I feel like time is slipping away, and it overwhelms me. My parents are getting older, and I’m terrified of dying alone — without a job or stability, with expectations that were never fulfilled, with all my effort amounting to nothing.

After leaving Computer Engineering and Statistics, the following year I decided to study Biotechnology. I thought it was the least bad option and wanted to make use of my high entrance exam score. Once again, I was mostly alone throughout the degree and never went partying, except on my graduation day. From the beginning, I felt like social groups were already formed and no one included me. The degree demanded everything from me during my worst years, but I managed to finish it — with blood, sweat, and tears. During my final year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Finishing my thesis, going to the lab in tears, and getting results was incredibly hard.

Currently, I am studying a Master’s degree in Cellular and Molecular Biology, and I feel completely burned out. Even though I have achieved top grades in some subjects, academic research feels like a highly sacrificial world. I’ve been offered the chance to stay in the same lab and pursue a PhD, but I can’t see myself living like that — endless working hours, skipping meals, no time for hobbies, and no pay — for at least four years, earning a ridiculously low salary. I don’t think I have the passion to research this topic for that long. On top of that, in that lab it’s just my supervisor and me, which feels incredibly lonely. I have no one to share my frustrations or concerns with. It feels like wherever I go, I’m destined to be alone.

In short, my future and present overwhelm me. I feel crushed by loneliness, by not finding my passion or job stability, and by never being attractive to women. I don’t understand myself, and I don’t know if I truly have valid reasons to feel this way. But I hope that writing this helps me understand myself better and maybe find a solution — if one exists.

終わりました

 

[AryanSchizo]

same here , i’m 25, KV, autist.

 

[LTNUser]

just be yourself and live stress free, if you’re doing what you wanna do you’ll go where you belong

How will that help him get the girl of his dreams ?

 

[jester]

How will that help him get the girl of his dreams ?

if he wants the girl of his dreams but he’s not doing what he’s supposed to do to get her does he deserve her?

 

[returnofthecutecel]

if he wants the girl of his dreams but he’s not doing what he’s supposed to do to get her does he deserve her?

I'm ugly

 

[trump]

brutal mate

 

[jester]

I'm ugly

you’re not

 

[sympathy4thegrinch]

i deadass think this is the path im going to follow, im 17 currently, only difference is im completely failing school

If you're failing highschool, your path is going to be much worse than this guys. Lock in

 

[rayzay]

wish you the best

 

[IblameClavicular07]

Clavicular was rich the day he was born, same as loox.

Also, I didn't waste years in college since I have formation and knowledge.

Look is fucking hard to look at

 

[McSkziofren]

Everything was going well. I was a happy child with a lot of potential

Newton III

 

[preusia]

Coming from an old cel who had kind of a similar experience, nobody is going to take your intelligence away. This will be your driving force in your life which allows you to be better, at anything you want, much quicker than others.

Where you struggle is being social. Perhaps you're nervous about it cause of the bullying. Perhaps you lie about your social life to others. Perhaps you have a lot of shame. This severely hinders your ability to be social. One thing that will change your life is, maybe in a year, or five or 10 years is this:
I'm sick of being where I am in life, I'm not some fucking loser and everything can be learned and I will succeed. This is where your intelligence will drive you forward.

The moment this happens you will actively try to get better at the things you struggle with and you get more okay with yourself over a couple months, you would ideally figure out what you really want out of life. What kind of man do you want to be. What possible friends and connections suit me. I don't know if you're neurodivergent, but it sounds right now you're trying to get a life that looks like a neurotypical's life. This is the biggest mistake you can make. Even when a neurotypical gets good at social masking and gets accepted into a NT friendgroup , it will drain them instead of give them energy. ND like to talk about the why, values, the world, trying to get to know eachother, learning new things. Surround yourself with people like you.

Maybe im wrong a little but lmk

Good luck

w mans

 

[sick kunt31]

I will be the next CLaviuclar