D
Deleted member 22918
Fire
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2022
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That was really a great idea to hire a female therapist. The male therapist was good, but it does not challenge my views like the female therapist does. Only downside is that she is a bit expensive.
We talked about my fears. I cried a bit. So what i explained is that i'm very worried about my looks. I have a distorded version of myself where i consider myself like an abomination. I explained to her that i'm very insecure towards the stereotypical "chad" that incels like to talk about: the big, strong, tall, muscular, handsome guy. I explained that i dont know how i could measure to them.
Then she tried debunking this ideas. First of all, she told me she had seen men that are not attractive getting laid, sometimes even more that some conventionally attractive guy. The thing is, getting laid doesn't mean you have value. Some awful guys get laid because they know how to manipulate people. Others get a girlfriend because they are good gentle guys. It's not "the guys that get laid have value, and the others do not" and its an idea that i am a bit stuck with, that i will try to challenge.
Then we talk about my ideas of attractiveness. And she says that her daughters were obsessed with a french actor, Pierre Niney. The thing is, he doesn't fit the criterias that i'm talking about. He is 5'9, lanky, very skinny. He does have a handsome face, but she said her daughters like him because he seems funny and confident and safe, respectful.
The most important thing is here: she shows me the endless circle i'm stuck in. And i tend to believe i'm not the only one that is stuck in this circle. Okay here it is: because i'm insecure, inferiority complex and stuff, i do not try to date. I installed tinder, i do not send messages to girls i match with. In reality, i won't talk to girls i'm interested romantically. I confessed my feelings to my crush, but i didn't even try to flirt or build romantic tension with her. What i just did is just i develop a crush and i confessed, whereas a more logical order would be: i develop a crush, try getting closer to her, try build a romantic tension and a connection, then confess. Its as if i was trying to cooking pancakes with only milk.
And because i don't try dating, then i do not develop any self esteem and i get stuck in these ideas of "im ugly, im worthless...". My therapist explained to me that she often have victim of sexual assault with her, and that to bring back confidence and a sens of safety, sometimes these victims have to encounter a man that treats them right. Of course, they need to love themselves first and its only them that are in control of their lives, but, sometimes they do need a little help that a man can bring. She told me its the same for me to a less extent. I need to have confidence and better self esteem. And because it's hard to catch it myself, i should try dating, to maybe get a little help from a woman.
So i decided it: i will try dating. I will try flirting. I have absolutely no idea how you do it. I will try leave these ideas that its my looks. Tonight there's a big party at my school. I will try talking to people, especially women, i will try dancing and stuff. I have absolutely no idea how to do it, and to be fair, im a bit scared of doing it, but i will try.
We talked about my fears. I cried a bit. So what i explained is that i'm very worried about my looks. I have a distorded version of myself where i consider myself like an abomination. I explained to her that i'm very insecure towards the stereotypical "chad" that incels like to talk about: the big, strong, tall, muscular, handsome guy. I explained that i dont know how i could measure to them.
Then she tried debunking this ideas. First of all, she told me she had seen men that are not attractive getting laid, sometimes even more that some conventionally attractive guy. The thing is, getting laid doesn't mean you have value. Some awful guys get laid because they know how to manipulate people. Others get a girlfriend because they are good gentle guys. It's not "the guys that get laid have value, and the others do not" and its an idea that i am a bit stuck with, that i will try to challenge.
Then we talk about my ideas of attractiveness. And she says that her daughters were obsessed with a french actor, Pierre Niney. The thing is, he doesn't fit the criterias that i'm talking about. He is 5'9, lanky, very skinny. He does have a handsome face, but she said her daughters like him because he seems funny and confident and safe, respectful.
The most important thing is here: she shows me the endless circle i'm stuck in. And i tend to believe i'm not the only one that is stuck in this circle. Okay here it is: because i'm insecure, inferiority complex and stuff, i do not try to date. I installed tinder, i do not send messages to girls i match with. In reality, i won't talk to girls i'm interested romantically. I confessed my feelings to my crush, but i didn't even try to flirt or build romantic tension with her. What i just did is just i develop a crush and i confessed, whereas a more logical order would be: i develop a crush, try getting closer to her, try build a romantic tension and a connection, then confess. Its as if i was trying to cooking pancakes with only milk.
And because i don't try dating, then i do not develop any self esteem and i get stuck in these ideas of "im ugly, im worthless...". My therapist explained to me that she often have victim of sexual assault with her, and that to bring back confidence and a sens of safety, sometimes these victims have to encounter a man that treats them right. Of course, they need to love themselves first and its only them that are in control of their lives, but, sometimes they do need a little help that a man can bring. She told me its the same for me to a less extent. I need to have confidence and better self esteem. And because it's hard to catch it myself, i should try dating, to maybe get a little help from a woman.
So i decided it: i will try dating. I will try flirting. I have absolutely no idea how you do it. I will try leave these ideas that its my looks. Tonight there's a big party at my school. I will try talking to people, especially women, i will try dancing and stuff. I have absolutely no idea how to do it, and to be fair, im a bit scared of doing it, but i will try.
