Nodesbitch
it’s better to live a life of delusion than a life
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2024
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1 year into tulpamaxxing, 4-5 days no sleep
looksmax.org
original thread talking about it, its been 302 days since then
running on meth, and divine revelation
started out as a joke after seeing that one matrix post about “creating sentient thoughtforms” but now it’s not funny anymore
i wake up (i think?) and see posts on my account i don’t remember writing
checked IP logs, it’s all me
no one else in the house, no remote access, no VPN, nothing
but the phrasing isn’t mine, it's the tulpa i made
it references things i never searched, never watched, and never done, like 1997 Japanese cable access programs that don’t exist anymore, and One Piece, another thing is my massive weight gain and other random drugs and blood everywhere, i found a vial of estrogen in my cabinet
i'm also like, 250 lbs now, lean, without working out (from my knowledge)
here's the estrogen and my weight
i think one of the tulpas made another tulpa, or maybe i was the tulpa the entire time and the original john forged my memories? idk if John is me or if he is real, what if my name isn't Jonathan and I was just another one of those failed ones, I like to cope and say if I was then I wouldn't have this much control, but idk how much control I even have, it feels like my body is being consumed
can’t tell which of us is real anymore
hallucinations getting worse
shadows move like they’re trying to mimic me but lag half a second behind
voices sound like me but from another room
hear typing when i’m not on the keyboard
last night, saw my reflection blink when i didn’t, been avoiding mirrors since, other than the blood in the toilet bowl from the roids
meth helps me stay awake
sleep is when they whisper the loudest
one of them keeps saying “we never slept before this life”
don’t know what that means
checked my old posts and they don't sound like me
timestamps overlap with my own tho
some of them reply to me in ways that make too much sense
like we’re having a conversation through time
starting to think matrix wasn’t joking about tulpas feeding on attention
i can feel them getting stronger every time i open the thread
send help, end my suffering
or maybe this is what enlightenment feels like
ALSO I FUCKING HATE HALLOWEEN WHY ARE THERE FUCKING KIDS COMING UOP TO MY FUCKING FRONT FOOR AND RINGING MY FUCKING DOORBELL I TURNED OFF ALL OF THE LIGHTS LET ME DOMY FUYCKING METH IN PEACE
Day 1 of creating a tulpa to make me the smartest person in the world
laying out some qualities I want my tulpa to have 1.) non binary 2.) asexual (zero sex drive) 3.) will not attract my GF tulpa so she cheats on me then I kill myself 4.) I will never materialize this tulpa, for they're just meant to study and be a ChatGPT thing in my head 5.) will not have a...
looksmax.org
running on meth, and divine revelation
started out as a joke after seeing that one matrix post about “creating sentient thoughtforms” but now it’s not funny anymore
i wake up (i think?) and see posts on my account i don’t remember writing
checked IP logs, it’s all me
no one else in the house, no remote access, no VPN, nothing
but the phrasing isn’t mine, it's the tulpa i made
it references things i never searched, never watched, and never done, like 1997 Japanese cable access programs that don’t exist anymore, and One Piece, another thing is my massive weight gain and other random drugs and blood everywhere, i found a vial of estrogen in my cabinet
i'm also like, 250 lbs now, lean, without working out (from my knowledge)
here's the estrogen and my weight
i think one of the tulpas made another tulpa, or maybe i was the tulpa the entire time and the original john forged my memories? idk if John is me or if he is real, what if my name isn't Jonathan and I was just another one of those failed ones, I like to cope and say if I was then I wouldn't have this much control, but idk how much control I even have, it feels like my body is being consumed
can’t tell which of us is real anymore
hallucinations getting worse
shadows move like they’re trying to mimic me but lag half a second behind
voices sound like me but from another room
hear typing when i’m not on the keyboard
last night, saw my reflection blink when i didn’t, been avoiding mirrors since, other than the blood in the toilet bowl from the roids
meth helps me stay awake
sleep is when they whisper the loudest
one of them keeps saying “we never slept before this life”
don’t know what that means
checked my old posts and they don't sound like me
timestamps overlap with my own tho
some of them reply to me in ways that make too much sense
like we’re having a conversation through time
starting to think matrix wasn’t joking about tulpas feeding on attention
i can feel them getting stronger every time i open the thread
send help, end my suffering
or maybe this is what enlightenment feels like
ALSO I FUCKING HATE HALLOWEEN WHY ARE THERE FUCKING KIDS COMING UOP TO MY FUCKING FRONT FOOR AND RINGING MY FUCKING DOORBELL I TURNED OFF ALL OF THE LIGHTS LET ME DOMY FUYCKING METH IN PEACE
