Surgee_
Iron
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- Jun 28, 2026
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First thread so I apologize in advance for the bullshit i’m about to spew. This is a collection of the ponderings i’ve had over the course of teenage years going into it as heavily nd and coming out “fitting in” with nts.
Introduction
The important thing to recognize is people want to relate to what’s easy, not necessarily what is genuinely relatable to them. Everyone is a sum of their own individual experiences and I realized this in my freshman year. I spent a long time looking for friends who listen to the same autistic music I do or that play the same strange games. What’s important to realize is that those friends do exist, but they do very little for you beyond having someone to talk about your interests with. You can still make meaningful connections and build support systems with people who are not aligned with you in the slightest. My two best friends are the most nt people on the planet and i would trust them with my life.
Create a lens to be viewed through.
Instead of trying to find friends who fit into your niche, find something that applies to the nt people you want to assimilate with (this is things like a sport, gym, CERTAIN video games, etc.). These broad spread hobbies and interests have the benefit of being recognizeable to the general population. I won’t use the word force, but if you can bring yourself to enjoy something like that, it will b a solid element for people to recognize you by. If you can push the idea that that thing is a larger part of your personality, even better, it gives nts the opportunity to only have to remember one important thing about you, and if they can rock with it, that’s your foot in the door. I also want to talk about mimicry. The power of mimicking the people you want to assimilate with is not to be understated. For me, whenever i felt that i wasn’t fully putting out the best version of myself, I would supplementally add smal things i heard my friends say or do, whether it was slang, a certain way of speaking, or even an inside joke. These small things are very easy to incorporate into your day to day, and can even be used cross group (if you’re in a highschool/college social setting) to appear learned and likeable
Learn to shut the fuck up!
I cannot stress how powerful the ability to keep shit to yourself has been. If you know when to shut up and when to speak up, it’s a skill that will reduce the retarded point of view you create of yourself. It is very hard initially when you hear someone talk about something you’re interested in because we are hardwired to be hyper invested in the things we love. By employing a very simple formula that we activate whenever we hear something we like, it becomes easy to gauge how to respond or whether to at all. When you feel the need to spring into a speech about something, think about three things: will this ultimately benefit the overall conversation, how will sharing the information in about to provide make me look in this group/conversation, and is the way i will shoot out with this information decent, or can i repackage it and say it differently or maybe in different tonation to make myself sound better to the people listening? If the answer to these is no, shut the fuck up! Don’t say anything because i promise no one wants to hear your thoughts on manga or magic the gathering while you’re getting to know them. It is good to have niches (i will discuss this in the next section) but what is more powerful than having g them is the ability to not talk about them. it’s a trained skill and will take time to master, but it builds your character in an uncountably beneficial way. Everyone likes people who can be serious and collected. Don’t start geeking over every little thing you hear.
Use yourself.
This is the best part. None of what I have written says to erase who you really are. It’s unnecessary to even do so. What you are doing with all this is adding sort of a layer to your personality to break through the shell of making friends and assimilating that would otherwise be close to impossible as you are normally. When you begin to get close to the people you’ve chosen, use yourself to your advantage. Now, with precaution, this step can only be done if you have successfully created a massive appeal to the people you’ve chosen, as in, they really enjoy the secondary layer you’ve built. Use your interests, hobbies, quirks, whatever to your advantage by slowly letting those people in on some of them. Instead of being the strange guy who always has loud annoying music coming from his headphones and being otherwise unapproachable, you are now the guy with friends who has niche music tastes. Your weakness has now become a strength. Now, this does not mean blab all about your stupid shit once you’re slightly comfortable with people. Build rapport, and use this as a support. If you can appeal to one group of nts you can do it to others, and each successful group you can appeal to will do work for you in the sense that word goes around about who you are as a person (mainly in highschool/college circles, if not in those situations ignore).
not a perfect guide ofc people have their inhib and some you mfs are beyond saving, this is mainly targeting people with super high functioning autism or just people who can’t seem to act like a normal person. i wanna write more in depth maybe later but this is a super basic overview of my thoughts. hopefully my thoughts as i developed out can be helpful to you.
Introduction
The important thing to recognize is people want to relate to what’s easy, not necessarily what is genuinely relatable to them. Everyone is a sum of their own individual experiences and I realized this in my freshman year. I spent a long time looking for friends who listen to the same autistic music I do or that play the same strange games. What’s important to realize is that those friends do exist, but they do very little for you beyond having someone to talk about your interests with. You can still make meaningful connections and build support systems with people who are not aligned with you in the slightest. My two best friends are the most nt people on the planet and i would trust them with my life.
Create a lens to be viewed through.
Instead of trying to find friends who fit into your niche, find something that applies to the nt people you want to assimilate with (this is things like a sport, gym, CERTAIN video games, etc.). These broad spread hobbies and interests have the benefit of being recognizeable to the general population. I won’t use the word force, but if you can bring yourself to enjoy something like that, it will b a solid element for people to recognize you by. If you can push the idea that that thing is a larger part of your personality, even better, it gives nts the opportunity to only have to remember one important thing about you, and if they can rock with it, that’s your foot in the door. I also want to talk about mimicry. The power of mimicking the people you want to assimilate with is not to be understated. For me, whenever i felt that i wasn’t fully putting out the best version of myself, I would supplementally add smal things i heard my friends say or do, whether it was slang, a certain way of speaking, or even an inside joke. These small things are very easy to incorporate into your day to day, and can even be used cross group (if you’re in a highschool/college social setting) to appear learned and likeable
Learn to shut the fuck up!
I cannot stress how powerful the ability to keep shit to yourself has been. If you know when to shut up and when to speak up, it’s a skill that will reduce the retarded point of view you create of yourself. It is very hard initially when you hear someone talk about something you’re interested in because we are hardwired to be hyper invested in the things we love. By employing a very simple formula that we activate whenever we hear something we like, it becomes easy to gauge how to respond or whether to at all. When you feel the need to spring into a speech about something, think about three things: will this ultimately benefit the overall conversation, how will sharing the information in about to provide make me look in this group/conversation, and is the way i will shoot out with this information decent, or can i repackage it and say it differently or maybe in different tonation to make myself sound better to the people listening? If the answer to these is no, shut the fuck up! Don’t say anything because i promise no one wants to hear your thoughts on manga or magic the gathering while you’re getting to know them. It is good to have niches (i will discuss this in the next section) but what is more powerful than having g them is the ability to not talk about them. it’s a trained skill and will take time to master, but it builds your character in an uncountably beneficial way. Everyone likes people who can be serious and collected. Don’t start geeking over every little thing you hear.
Use yourself.
This is the best part. None of what I have written says to erase who you really are. It’s unnecessary to even do so. What you are doing with all this is adding sort of a layer to your personality to break through the shell of making friends and assimilating that would otherwise be close to impossible as you are normally. When you begin to get close to the people you’ve chosen, use yourself to your advantage. Now, with precaution, this step can only be done if you have successfully created a massive appeal to the people you’ve chosen, as in, they really enjoy the secondary layer you’ve built. Use your interests, hobbies, quirks, whatever to your advantage by slowly letting those people in on some of them. Instead of being the strange guy who always has loud annoying music coming from his headphones and being otherwise unapproachable, you are now the guy with friends who has niche music tastes. Your weakness has now become a strength. Now, this does not mean blab all about your stupid shit once you’re slightly comfortable with people. Build rapport, and use this as a support. If you can appeal to one group of nts you can do it to others, and each successful group you can appeal to will do work for you in the sense that word goes around about who you are as a person (mainly in highschool/college circles, if not in those situations ignore).
not a perfect guide ofc people have their inhib and some you mfs are beyond saving, this is mainly targeting people with super high functioning autism or just people who can’t seem to act like a normal person. i wanna write more in depth maybe later but this is a super basic overview of my thoughts. hopefully my thoughts as i developed out can be helpful to you.
