Need some help.

[WhyNotMe_]

So I can’t say I can't talk to people I can. I talk to my friends every day, my classmates too. I come across as a confident guy when I’m around them. I even talk to my female classmates easily I ask for help, and if the teacher tells them to sit with me, they never say “eww” or “I don’t want to.” They always sit down like it’s no big deal. They’re not disgusted by my face or height or anything.


In class, I sit with my friends, talk every period, joke around, do dumb teenage stuff, and try to make money just regular things. I don’t feel excluded from the class. I seem confident, I talk and laugh a lot. But sometimes, when people laugh at my jokes, a part of me thinks they’re actually laughing at me at my “MTN face” or at my flaws that i see.


When I walk alone, I tend to put my head down. I avoid looking people in the eyes because I’m scared they’ll think I’m ugly or judge me but it's kinda hard because i'm 1.90m because when i put my head down they can still see me. But when I’m with my friends, I don’t care I hold my head high, make eye contact, and walk confidently. It’s like I become a different version of myself depending on who’s around.


Here’s the thing though I don’t know how to get a girlfriend i had some gfs in the past but they were pure luck haha. I can talk to girls in my class easily, like if I need help or they ask about a test score. But when it comes to making a move or approaching them for something more than school talk, I freeze up. I just can’t do it, and I don’t know why. Is there something mentally wrong with me? I don’t get it. I have friends, I’m social, I’m not invisible but when it comes to dating, I feel stuck.


How do I fix this? How do I get a girlfriend or slay this summer?

 

[Zeekie]

"Just be confident bro", unironically.

I know confidence is one of the biggest copes out there, but in this context, I actually think it might work. You're 190cm, which I assume is above average in your country. Even if your face is MTN (which isn’t bad, you’re average, just a normal dude), your SMV is still very good. But if you don’t recognize the good position you’re already in, you’ll keep feeling like you’re less than the people around you. That screams insecurity, and insecurity is incredibly unattractive.

Honestly, I’d rather see you become a flaunting narcissist with a huge ego than continue being an insecure guy who keeps his head down whenever he goes outside.

I don’t have any practical advice. I used to be extremely insecure in my teenage years, and I only became relatively confident later on. That probably had more to do with improving my looks and finishing puberty than with anything I consciously did to boost my confidence.

That said, I’m sure there are things you can do to improve your self-perception. In general, just be a little delusional. When it comes to women, your SMV is high, and if you fix your self-esteem, you'd be pretty much set after working on two main issues:

1. It seems like you're highly inhibited, which may be caused in part by your self-esteem issues. That aside, inhibition is mostly fixed through exposure. That means going out, putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable, and forcing yourself to deal with them. Even if it goes horribly, your brain will start to understand that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. The next time you do it, you'll feel a little less anxiety and won’t freeze up as much. You have to make a routine out of it since people often fail because they try once, it goes badly, and they never try again (But that's exactly the point). The way to avoid quitting too early is by setting a consistent time every week when you go out and do this, that'll make it harder to avoid it. There are also shortcuts to lowering inhibition, which involve taking substances that affect certain neuroreceptors. Any anxiolytic that binds to GABA receptors (like alcohol, baclofen, phenibut, etc.) or compounds that lower baseline cortisol can help with this too.

2. If you never pursue women romantically, you'll never get a girlfriend, I know, a complete shocker, right? If you treat every woman like a friend, like you treat any other dude, then you'll never get a partner. You can't complain about not getting women if you're not actively trying to. Its like wishing for a million dollars while never applying for a job.

Good luck tho

 

[WhyNotMe_]

s like you're highly inhibited, which may be caused in part by your self-esteem issues. That aside, inhibition is mostly fixed through exposure. That means going out, putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable, and forcing yourself to deal with them. Even if it goes horribly, your brain will start to understand that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. The next time you do it, you'll feel a little less anxiety and won’t freeze up as much. You have to make a routine out of it since people often

"Just be confident bro", unironically.

I know confidence is one of the biggest copes out there, but in this context, I actually think it might work. You're 190cm, which I assume is above average in your country. Even if your face is MTN (which isn’t bad, you’re average, just a normal dude), your SMV is still very good. But if you don’t recognize the good position you’re already in, you’ll keep feeling like you’re less than the people around you. That screams insecurity, and insecurity is incredibly unattractive.

Honestly, I’d rather see you become a flaunting narcissist with a huge ego than continue being an insecure guy who keeps his head down whenever he goes outside.

I don’t have any practical advice. I used to be extremely insecure in my teenage years, and I only became relatively confident later on. That probably had more to do with improving my looks and finishing puberty than with anything I consciously did to boost my confidence.

That said, I’m sure there are things you can do to improve your self-perception. In general, just be a little delusional. When it comes to women, your SMV is high, and if you fix your self-esteem, you'd be pretty much set after working on two main issues:

1. It seems like you're highly inhibited, which may be caused in part by your self-esteem issues. That aside, inhibition is mostly fixed through exposure. That means going out, putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable, and forcing yourself to deal with them. Even if it goes horribly, your brain will start to understand that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. The next time you do it, you'll feel a little less anxiety and won’t freeze up as much. You have to make a routine out of it since people often fail because they try once, it goes badly, and they never try again (But that's exactly the point). The way to avoid quitting too early is by setting a consistent time every week when you go out and do this, that'll make it harder to avoid it. There are also shortcuts to lowering inhibition, which involve taking substances that affect certain neuroreceptors. Any anxiolytic that binds to GABA receptors (like alcohol, baclofen, phenibut, etc.) or compounds that lower baseline cortisol can help with this too.

2. If you never pursue women romantically, you'll never get a girlfriend, I know, a complete shocker, right? If you treat every woman like a friend, like you treat any other dude, then you'll never get a partner. You can't complain about not getting women if you're not actively trying to. Its like wishing for a million dollars while never applying for a job.

Good luck tho

How do i start bro? Should I go try approach woman ?

 

[Zeekie]

How do i start bro? Should I go try approach woman ?

Honestly yeah, at the start it doesn't have to be a romantic approach, though that'd be ideal. It can just be being deliberately nice or giving a girl you think is cute a compliment. You can move on to asking for a girl's number or ig. And then if you like anyone in your class, directly interact with her, maybe with people you already know a direct approach isn't best, just don't be autistic and build rapport slowly.

Since you mentioned you want to slay in summer though, I'd just go to a mall, café, or place girls your age generally frequent as often as you can, be it once a week, 3 times a week or even every day, and set up a goal for approaches, asking girls for their names, small talk and then asking for their numbers or something. You're bound to fail a couple of times at the start until you get success, but you have the whole summer for it, statistically speaking you will have to succeed a couple of times. Regardless, once a woman rejects you it's usually not as humiliating as you may think, they often use an excuse like "I have a boyfriend" or simply say "I'm not interest" or "No, thank you", very rarely will they say something that hurts your self-esteem

 

[WhyNotMe_]

Honestly yeah, at the start it doesn't have to be a romantic approach, though that'd be ideal. It can just be being deliberately nice or giving a girl you think is cute a compliment. You can move on to asking for a girl's number or ig. And then if you like anyone in your class, directly interact with her, maybe with people you already know a direct approach isn't best, just don't be autistic and build rapport slowly.

Since you mentioned you want to slay in summer though, I'd just go to a mall, café, or place girls your age generally frequent as often as you can, be it once a week, 3 times a week or even every day, and set up a goal for approaches, asking girls for their names, small talk and then asking for their numbers or something. You're bound to fail a couple of times at the start until you get success, but you have the whole summer for it, statistically speaking you will have to succeed a couple of times. Regardless, once a woman rejects you it's usually not as humiliating as you may think, they often use an excuse like "I have a boyfriend" or simply say "I'm not interest" or "No, thank you", very rarely will they say something that hurts your self-esteem

Okay man I will try once my school ends