Never the first choice

D

Deleted member 297070

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Consistent pattern in my life. I’m always there, but in the background. Never my best friend’s best friend, never my crushes crush, never my parents favourite child. No matter what I do, no matter how I act or change my appearance there is something subtly off somewhere in my mannerisms or presentation that puts people off no matter what I try, and it is futile to try to fix it.

To have your words be constantly ignored or unheard, your presence not aknowledged and forgotten, your memory never saved or brought up, is the most demoralising experience of all. Its as if I don’t exist.

If I exited this world they’d act sad, but still make it about themselves and move on so quickly. If I took anyone out with me I’d be demonised and have my memory erased entirely, and would have little time to enjoy the catharsis. There’s no victory. The best move is to come to terms with that fact and just exist day to day. Find any little joy you can
 
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