BelowAverage
Iron
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2024
- Posts
- 148
- Reputation
- 220
Today started out like any other morning. I was downtown on my morning ride to the 7/11 to refuel on Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and 7-Up. As I began the arduous process of getting off my mobility scooter, I noticed a quite delectable female entering the 7/11. I grinned to myself before straightening my oh so sexy fedora and brushing the cheese dust off my Minecraft t-shirt. Once I had finished preparing, I walked in and began scanning the store for that beautiful figure. Unfortunately, I am too short to see over the rows of products, so I had to go down and check each one. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally found her at the slurpee machine. I dabbed my sweaty armpits with some tissues I always have in my back pocket for an occasion just like this one and approached her. Immediately she gave me a look that said all of her true feelings. When we locked eyes I could tell that she was instantly smitten with me. Unfortunately then, tragedy struck. “I’m sorry handsome gentleman,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes, “but I have a boyfriend.” Instantly every fiber of my being was filled with pure fury. In my stoic voice I bravely called her every single slur known to man before promptly turning around and collapsing as I had run out of breath from such a magnificent demonstration of my masculinity. When I can to, I was back in my Lightning McQueen themed race car bed as if I had just woken up except now there was a bracelet around my ankle. Fortunately, this happens every week so I wasn’t too worried. I looked up the female’s name on every platform I could and found out her full address, her social security number, her credit card numbers, and her boyfriends name. Chad. He will rue the day he started going out with my girl. For now though, I must conserve my energy and stockpile more Cheetos and Doritos. Why must nice guys always finish last?
