iblamemyself!
Warrior of Christ
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2024
- Posts
- 1,007
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This thread water idc. no one gives a shit and i know it. but i need to say it. bp completely destroyed how i look at people. i fucking hate when someone gets complimented. i hate when people smile at others. i hate when some guy gets attention. it ruins my whole fucking day because it’s never me. it’s never gonna be me. i’m the one rotting in the background while some genetically gifted NGA gets called “cute” or “hot” just for existing.
when my female friends talk about some guy they like, i feel like ripping my fucking face off. i hate myself. even if they ever like me, even if they flirt with me, even if the guy they like is objectively worse. doesn’t matter. the fact that they’re even capable of liking someone else just makes me feel worthless. subhuman. forgotten. i start spiraling, thinking about every trait that guy has that i don’t. broad shoulders? blue eyes? better eye area? deeper voice? confidence? i start listing that shit like i’m checking off my own death sentence.
i’m so fucking tired of hating people for being born right. better genetics. better face. better frame. better social skills. better childhood. better brain. better everything. they’re out there living life while i rot here rating gryc3ls on tiktok like a complete loser. like it means anything. like it makes any fucking difference. it doesn’t. i’m not coping. i’m distracting myself from the fact that i’m a barely mid mtn fraud who’s hanging by a thread.
i just want to be htn. real htn. no frauding. no lighting tricks. no angles. no pushing my face forward like a fucking idiot just to fake a jawline. i want to be able to delete this shit. delete all my accounts. go nt. actually move the fuck on. but that’s never happening. ever. i’m stuck in this pit. and even my “best” photos are barely passable. even with everything maxed i’m still not enough.
this isn’t a phase. this isn’t some “self-esteem issue.” this is permanent. i am permanently behind. i hate others because i’ll never be them. and i hate myself even more for knowing it.
Call this gay or whatever bro I'm just tired. Nobody truly understands anything i could possibly experience. My life is so dumb that i spend 20 mins writing shit on some incel site that will probably have 2 reps and 3 replies roasting me instead of hanging out with my friends or hooking up with my gf. But i can never do the go do it because i qm friendless piece of shit that will probably die without experiencing what having a gf or even talking stage feels like
when my female friends talk about some guy they like, i feel like ripping my fucking face off. i hate myself. even if they ever like me, even if they flirt with me, even if the guy they like is objectively worse. doesn’t matter. the fact that they’re even capable of liking someone else just makes me feel worthless. subhuman. forgotten. i start spiraling, thinking about every trait that guy has that i don’t. broad shoulders? blue eyes? better eye area? deeper voice? confidence? i start listing that shit like i’m checking off my own death sentence.
i’m so fucking tired of hating people for being born right. better genetics. better face. better frame. better social skills. better childhood. better brain. better everything. they’re out there living life while i rot here rating gryc3ls on tiktok like a complete loser. like it means anything. like it makes any fucking difference. it doesn’t. i’m not coping. i’m distracting myself from the fact that i’m a barely mid mtn fraud who’s hanging by a thread.
i just want to be htn. real htn. no frauding. no lighting tricks. no angles. no pushing my face forward like a fucking idiot just to fake a jawline. i want to be able to delete this shit. delete all my accounts. go nt. actually move the fuck on. but that’s never happening. ever. i’m stuck in this pit. and even my “best” photos are barely passable. even with everything maxed i’m still not enough.
this isn’t a phase. this isn’t some “self-esteem issue.” this is permanent. i am permanently behind. i hate others because i’ll never be them. and i hate myself even more for knowing it.
Call this gay or whatever bro I'm just tired. Nobody truly understands anything i could possibly experience. My life is so dumb that i spend 20 mins writing shit on some incel site that will probably have 2 reps and 3 replies roasting me instead of hanging out with my friends or hooking up with my gf. But i can never do the go do it because i qm friendless piece of shit that will probably die without experiencing what having a gf or even talking stage feels like
