Rochefort6
Banned
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2019
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DAY 5 MOTHER BITCHES.
Supplemented with Vit D3, fish oil, ashwagandha, cbd. Unfortunately, I've been very distracted from my Uni obligations, so I feel forced to take coffee tomorrow... which I really don't want to do
I'll start my day without it, and if I'm still distracted, I'll have to resort to it for one more day before I quit that shit again...
No more dead foggy mind when I wake up Also, physical anxiety is pretty much nonexistent.
Energy levels still downish, especially after I eat... I should eat smaller portions cause I keep fucking up my day being dead tired after I eat--I have to take naps in the afternoons I'm so sleepy.
I had a very sexual dream last night. Not sure if it was a wet dream as I didn't notice any stains or sticky goo near my johnson. Prasie christ and mohammed if I didn't relapse in my sleep
I got very irritable today at my gf. Shes pretty unself aware and kept talking shit when our tenant was home so I had to give her the old 1 2 beat down... nah i just pushed her to tell her to STFU. Being irritable is pretty bitchy, so hopefully, i can get over that soon. I admitted I got moody afterward and she thought it was ironic seeing as she's the one on her period lol
Voice seems a little deep, not significantly though. I'd love to get that deep I've been smoking since the womb baritone voice. Had that when I was sick and that shit makes pussy water... even though it's my mission not to give a shit about girls and their manipulate, seductive ways (that's a rant for another time, but there's a reason they are forced to cover up in the middle east lol).
Sexual thoughts seem on pair to yesterdays, still intrusive. If it gets bad I try to force myself to take deep breaths, which can help. I actually feel less horny than yesterday, and its not even real horniness, just a compulsive craving for a quick release. When I see my tenant's ass, I have a habit of taking quick peeks. Now, I'm forcing myself not to acknowledge that shit or girls in a sexual way in general. Seems pretty faggy but it will pay off to train myself this way... also ironically, girls find that vibe (not sexualizing them or craving sex) more attractive in a man, so win-win lol
In general, no real drastic difference from yesterday.
Fucked up with the cold showers again :/ I keep wasting water before I get in on my phone or whatever. I just really like the privacy in my shared apartment running water gives me. Allows me to dance to music autistically, visualize myself as a badass mofo in the future like a grandiose narcissist, take shits without feeling self-conscious
Also, feeling the ice-cold water for the first time during the day isn't exactly pleasant, so subconsciously I'm probably procrastinating from that. But at the same time before I get in, I'm pretty pumped, jumping up and down and shit, so it's like I'm anticipating the high it gives. To reduce procrastination, again I need to only turn the shower on when I get in and not bring my phone in the bathroom, which is MUCH EASIER TO DO if, when I wake up, I don't immediately blast myself with the blue light cancer from my phone. NO PHONE IN THE MORNING!!
It's still affecting me in the same way, I get pumped afterward, sneeze and shiver abit too, only from the 3 and half minutes in there. IMAGINE, if I stayed let's say 5 mins :O but I'll work my way up there as I don't want to get tolerant to the high of the shower too quickly.
Bro, fucked up with the timing of the mediation AGAIN BRO Mediatated 20 mins in the afternoon and 10 mins at 22:00ish. TOMORROW I WILL MEDITATE 20 MINS IN THE MORNING AND 10 MINS IN THE AFTERNOON 
No real noticeable effects from the meditation. I can easily see from it how ADHD my mind is. I'll be focusing on the meditation, 3 secs after I'll get distracted, caught up in a thought, idea whatever, and 20 seconds later have to consciously force my mind back to the meditation. It's getting slightly easier to do every day Things that bother me during are small, like my elbow touching the chair but only slightly... I do my best to stay present with the feeling, knowing it will go away if I do, but sometimes out of instinct or distraction, I'll just move my body instead. ALL PART OF THE PROCESS THOUGH!
TLDR:
Supplemented with Vit D3, fish oil, ashwagandha, cbd. Unfortunately, I've been very distracted from my Uni obligations, so I feel forced to take coffee tomorrow... which I really don't want to do
I'll start my day without it, and if I'm still distracted, I'll have to resort to it for one more day before I quit that shit again...No more dead foggy mind when I wake up
Also, physical anxiety is pretty much nonexistent.Energy levels still downish, especially after I eat... I should eat smaller portions cause I keep fucking up my day being dead tired after I eat--I have to take naps in the afternoons I'm so sleepy.
I had a very sexual dream last night. Not sure if it was a wet dream as I didn't notice any stains or sticky goo near my johnson. Prasie christ and mohammed if I didn't relapse in my sleep
I got very irritable today at my gf. Shes pretty unself aware and kept talking shit when our tenant was home so I had to give her the old 1 2 beat down... nah i just pushed her to tell her to STFU. Being irritable is pretty bitchy, so hopefully, i can get over that soon. I admitted I got moody afterward and she thought it was ironic seeing as she's the one on her period lol
Voice seems a little deep, not significantly though. I'd love to get that deep I've been smoking since the womb baritone voice. Had that when I was sick and that shit makes pussy water... even though it's my mission not to give a shit about girls and their manipulate, seductive ways (that's a rant for another time, but there's a reason they are forced to cover up in the middle east lol).
Sexual thoughts seem on pair to yesterdays, still intrusive. If it gets bad I try to force myself to take deep breaths, which can help. I actually feel less horny than yesterday, and its not even real horniness, just a compulsive craving for a quick release. When I see my tenant's ass, I have a habit of taking quick peeks. Now, I'm forcing myself not to acknowledge that shit or girls in a sexual way in general. Seems pretty faggy but it will pay off to train myself this way... also ironically, girls find that vibe (not sexualizing them or craving sex) more attractive in a man, so win-win lol
In general, no real drastic difference from yesterday.
Fucked up with the cold showers again :/ I keep wasting water before I get in on my phone or whatever. I just really like the privacy in my shared apartment running water gives me. Allows me to dance to music autistically, visualize myself as a badass mofo in the future like a grandiose narcissist, take shits without feeling self-conscious
Also, feeling the ice-cold water for the first time during the day isn't exactly pleasant, so subconsciously I'm probably procrastinating from that. But at the same time before I get in, I'm pretty pumped, jumping up and down and shit, so it's like I'm anticipating the high it gives. To reduce procrastination, again I need to only turn the shower on when I get in and not bring my phone in the bathroom, which is MUCH EASIER TO DO if, when I wake up, I don't immediately blast myself with the blue light cancer from my phone. NO PHONE IN THE MORNING!!It's still affecting me in the same way, I get pumped afterward, sneeze and shiver abit too, only from the 3 and half minutes in there. IMAGINE, if I stayed let's say 5 mins :O but I'll work my way up there as I don't want to get tolerant to the high of the shower too quickly.
Bro, fucked up with the timing of the mediation AGAIN BRO
Mediatated 20 mins in the afternoon and 10 mins at 22:00ish. TOMORROW I WILL MEDITATE 20 MINS IN THE MORNING AND 10 MINS IN THE AFTERNOON No real noticeable effects from the meditation. I can easily see from it how ADHD my mind is. I'll be focusing on the meditation, 3 secs after I'll get distracted, caught up in a thought, idea whatever, and 20 seconds later have to consciously force my mind back to the meditation. It's getting slightly easier to do every day Things that bother me during are small, like my elbow touching the chair but only slightly... I do my best to stay present with the feeling, knowing it will go away if I do, but sometimes out of instinct or distraction, I'll just move my body instead. ALL PART OF THE PROCESS THOUGH!TLDR:
- Might have to supplement with coffee tomorrow. No more foggy mind when waking up or physical anxiety. Energy still downish, taking naps in the afternoon and sleepy after I eat => smaller portions for food? Still can get irritable like a bitch on her blood days. Voice a tiny bit deeper, could be mucus from hayfever though lol. Sexual thoughts same as yesterday. I will train myself not to take glances at women or view them sexually.
- Fucked up with cold showers again by wasting water and procrastinating. TO COMBAT THIS, no phone in the moring and ONLY TURN WATER ON WHEN IN SHOWER FFS. Still get pumped asf after 3 and 1/2 mins shower.
- Fucked up the timing of meditation. NEED TO STICK TO 20 mins morning and 10 mins afternoon to make into a comfortable habit. Its obvious how ADHD my brain is, but meditation is getting easier so I guess its working.
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