nomad life

[Deleted member 17578]

hit my head on something last night. ambulance was callled


just been relaased from hospital and wandering around.


mogs hard

 

[Deleted member 17578]

 

[AlexBrown84]

View attachment 3029835

nightmare to be walking around there when you’re not a normie

 

[WhoTookVendetta]

hit my head on something last night. ambulance was callled


just been relaased from hospital and wandering around.


mogs hard

Ah, Moggergaston, my frend, I hear you hit head and got ambulense called. So sorry to heer, my frend. But you know, ambulense very expensive here, 50000 rupees! That’s so much muny, my frend. Can you beleev? Very costly, no?

You know, Jerry’s uncle had big wedding, full of joy, food, and dancing, and it only cost 1000 rupees! So much fun, and so little muny spent. Just think, with 50000 rupees, you can buy so much curry, you won't beleev!

Next time, my frend, if somthing happen, maybe better to walk to hospital or take rickshaw, much cheaper. Save all that muny for tasty curry and good times. Imagine all the curry you can buy with 50000 rupees—enough to have feest every day for many weeks!

So, my frend, be careful and take care. We want you healthy and happy, enjoying lyfe with us, eating lots of delishus curry and having fun. Save the muny from expensive ambulense for better things, like Jerry’s uncle’s wedding and lots of tasty food.

 

[Tusseleif]

I love wandering around the woods here in Norway where no one goes with a dagger or sword and building small huts and shit, mogs this restricted society we live in. In medieval times, everyone had to carry a weapon by law. Thank god for freedom to roam

 

[Deleted member 17578]

what am i doing with my life. I fell from something high at the rave, woke up in ambulance with a hole in my head, but after they did scans n shit they let me go


wtf man, I ended walking around aimlessly all day with hole in my head.

why did my life have to be like this

 

[Deleted member 17578]

i just want some sort of connection, feeling valued and appreciated
i dont want this drugs-life no more

why is it so hard to have a nice life

 

[Deleted member 17578]

fuck this lifestyle

 

[Deleted member 21716]

aye bro I hope you are alright

 

[Deleted member 17578]

aye bro I hope you are alright

I feel fine, just need to have stitches removed from my head next week, have a hole above my right eye

I don't know what happened, as far as I know, I was having a good time. no anxiety/stress like on that other rave. I felt good.

according to my report 'I was crawling strangely on top of a stage, fell, hit my head, unconscious, bleeding from my head, and they called an ambulance'
i dont know what I did, I don't remember this. I just woke up in an ambulance out of nowhere.

Wtf man

I don't want this life anymore, it's so fucking lonely. I am just doing my fucking best trying to keep on going and then this shit happens.
how can you live like this

 

[Deleted member 21716]

I feel fine, just need to have stitches removed from my head next week, have a hole above my right eye

I don't know what happened, as far as I know, I was having a good time. no anxiety/stress like on that other rave. I felt good.

according to my report 'I was crawling strangely on top of a stage, fell, hit my head, unconscious, bleeding from my head, and they called an ambulance'
i dont know what I did, I don't remember this. I just woke up in an ambulance out of nowhere.

Wtf man

I don't want this life anymore, it's so fucking lonely. I am just doing my fucking best trying to keep on going and then this shit happens.
how can you live like this

just remember that things always get better. I remember when I was at rock bottom in 2022 and was completely all over the place always with an anger boiling on the inside. even though I am far from fixed things have gotten a lot better. the mode of loneliness is a killer though and if you dont have the right crowd around it can only get worse. sadly it is very difficult to find that crowd if you dont have the same npc mind as the vast majority of the population.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

just remember that things always get better. I remember when I was at rock bottom in 2022 and was completely all over the place always with an anger boiling on the inside. even though I am far from fixed things have gotten a lot better. the mode of loneliness is a killer though and if you dont have the right crowd around it can only get worse. sadly it is very difficult to find that crowd if you dont have the same npc mind as the vast majority of the population.

literally have no clue how to even make friends, it just never feels right with people. Like I am different, am less valuable than others, idk.

glad to hear things became better for you
i hope ive reached rock bottom too now

i dont know why life feels so bad all the time.
Tonight was good though, even danced/flirted with some girls but got rejected

walking through the city while looking like this for hours outside the hospital was relaxing.

need to be plan other things to do this summer, Cant go on like this, maybe i can though

 

[Deleted member 17578]

my right eye socket is completely swollen or something, eye is almost closed

have absolutely no clue how the wound under the bandage looks, they put 3 stitches in so it's probably some sort of scar in the end
probably will give my face character though, not necessarily a looksmin.

idk, im very happy to come out of this without any real damage. I feel fine honestly. Just a bit surprised that this happened.

I don't think I will stop doing drugs or stop raving, just have to go a bit lighter on the ketamine I think that's what fucked me up in the end.

Night was good honestly, not as planned, could be better. I didn't feel anxious tonight, stressed, I know I had a good time. And at least I feel like something finally happened in my life?
my life is so fucking boring most of the time, I hate my life. I just rot, drink, shit, eat, go to the gym, work, study.

Every day is the fucking same. Every day I feel the same. Every day is the same robot-life.

At least something fucking happened in my life now, something which makes me feel like I am alive? Like I am not some NPC robot?

idk.

I pray to gandy for letting me out easy on this one. I never felt pain, fear, anxiety, from this event. Got out without any real damage.

waking up in an ambulance, not something I ever expected to have happen to me.

 

[Beastimmung]

Going out without your phone, just walking for hours and and then trying to find the way back is a cool hobby tbh.

Doing this the past few months, I now know my city very good (atleast when it comes to walking, once I have the Germany ticked im gonna do this with the train system)

 

[Deleted member 16636]

I hope hitting your head made you realise ur a fakecel

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Going out without your phone, just walking for hours and and then trying to find the way back is a cool hobby tbh.

Doing this the past few months, I now know my city very good (atleast when it comes to walking, once I have the Germany ticked im gonna do this with the train system)

My phone died in that other city, just after I got dismissed from the hospital.
I still had some drugs on me (ketamine, 2CB), used it all at the same time, and started wandering around for hours in nature. Felt unreal, like I was reborn or something.

Mirin hard man, I love going on walks too, just strolling around, looking at people, nature.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

I hope hitting your head made you realise ur a fakecel

I haven't faked anything EVER on this forum. I am literally the realest nigga on here.

You think you will find someone else who's gonna post hospital-pics from himself on here and talk about what he went through?
Most people don't share real stories on this forum, only fake bullshit.


I have no friends, no family, no girlfriend, haven't had sex in 18 months. Those are the stats.
Is what it is.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

literally have no clue how to even make friends, it just never feels right with people. Like I am different, am less valuable than others, idk.

glad to hear things became better for you
i hope ive reached rock bottom too now
View attachment 3030787

i dont know why life feels so bad all the time.
Tonight was good though, even danced/flirted with some girls but got rejected

walking through the city while looking like this for hours outside the hospital was relaxing.

need to be plan other things to do this summer, Cant go on like this, maybe i can though

@TechnoBoss jfl honestly.

i am going to that same club again on Thursday, going to try and ask some staff that work there maybe they know what happened to me.
I have no memories, no clue.

I feel really happy that everything turned out alright in the end. Didn't even scare anyone, since I have no friends and nobody knows this even happened to me. I managed to survive on my own, with help of an ambulance.

Say I would've died tonight, it would take WEEKS before anyone would even know/care. Life is so fucking retarded.

Idk honestly, for some reason it feels good to destroy myself, to be this self-destructive. My life has no meaning or value anyways.
If I die, that's fine. just another dead subhuman without value.

I have never meant anything to anyone and my life has no value to myself either. I don't care anymore about this worthless existence.

 

[RichardSpencel]

View attachment 3030886

my right eye socket is completely swollen or something, eye is almost closed

have absolutely no clue how the wound under the bandage looks, they put 3 stitches in so it's probably some sort of scar in the end
probably will give my face character though, not necessarily a looksmin.

idk, im very happy to come out of this without any real damage. I feel fine honestly. Just a bit surprised that this happened.

I don't think I will stop doing drugs or stop raving, just have to go a bit lighter on the ketamine I think that's what fucked me up in the end.

Night was good honestly, not as planned, could be better. I didn't feel anxious tonight, stressed, I know I had a good time. And at least I feel like something finally happened in my life?
my life is so fucking boring most of the time, I hate my life. I just rot, drink, shit, eat, go to the gym, work, study.

Every day is the fucking same. Every day I feel the same. Every day is the same robot-life.

At least something fucking happened in my life now, something which makes me feel like I am alive? Like I am not some NPC robot?

idk.

I pray to gandy for letting me out easy on this one. I never felt pain, fear, anxiety, from this event. Got out without any real damage.

waking up in an ambulance, not something I ever expected to have happen to me.

My face after telling my wife’s boyfriend I wanna play on the switch for 2 hours today

 

[Deleted member 17578]

My face after telling my wife’s boyfriend I wanna play on the switch for 2 hours today

View attachment 3030947

it was somewhat insane because I was still tripping on ketamine and the other 3 drugs while waking up in the ambulance.

everything felt unreal. still cant believe this shit happened.

people kept staring at me the whole day as I was strolling around aimlessly while high, but that felt good.

Usually I am an invisible subhuman, now people are intrigued by my disfigurement.

They probably thought I was some mogger who got into a fight, mirin' me.


If you can't get attention from people for being yourself or being good-looking, you need to destroy yourself to get attention instead.

 

[TechnoBoss]

literally have no clue how to even make friends, it just never feels right with people. Like I am different, am less valuable than others, idk.

glad to hear things became better for you
i hope ive reached rock bottom too now
View attachment 3030787

i dont know why life feels so bad all the time.
Tonight was good though, even danced/flirted with some girls but got rejected

walking through the city while looking like this for hours outside the hospital was relaxing.

need to be plan other things to do this summer, Cant go on like this, maybe i can though

Holy shit dude. Reminds me of a scar I got on my eyebrow when I overdosed on phenibut one time. Maybe you'll have a mogger scar and it'll give you bad boy halo??

Wipe the blood off man. I know it looks mogger but I have a similar video of me with blood all over my face.

View attachment 3030886

my right eye socket is completely swollen or something, eye is almost closed

have absolutely no clue how the wound under the bandage looks, they put 3 stitches in so it's probably some sort of scar in the end
probably will give my face character though, not necessarily a looksmin.

idk, im very happy to come out of this without any real damage. I feel fine honestly. Just a bit surprised that this happened.

I don't think I will stop doing drugs or stop raving, just have to go a bit lighter on the ketamine I think that's what fucked me up in the end.

Night was good honestly, not as planned, could be better. I didn't feel anxious tonight, stressed, I know I had a good time. And at least I feel like something finally happened in my life?
my life is so fucking boring most of the time, I hate my life. I just rot, drink, shit, eat, go to the gym, work, study.

Every day is the fucking same. Every day I feel the same. Every day is the same robot-life.

At least something fucking happened in my life now, something which makes me feel like I am alive? Like I am not some NPC robot?

idk.

I pray to gandy for letting me out easy on this one. I never felt pain, fear, anxiety, from this event. Got out without any real damage.

waking up in an ambulance, not something I ever expected to have happen to me.

You gotta chill man. My overdose was something I never expected. I woke up being handcuffed by police and then was escorted outside by paramedics. Last thing I remembered was being put into the ambulance before I went to sleep and woke up a day later. Woke up with a massive pain in my chest (which it turns out was from being poked with adrenaline to restart my heart)

It's all fun and games until it's not. There are real consequences to doing drugs and living that lifestyle. Trust me I know all too well. I'm very glad you're okay but genuinely don't brush off this event. This could've ended very differently for you. You gotta get out of the rut you're in. Go out to new places and just try new stuff but do anything besides continuing to do the same thing you're doing. You're gonna end up doing this again. If there is a God (and I sure hope there is) you will only get so many 2nd chances before it's your last. I know it's easy to not care about your safety (although when you're doing drugs you don't view it as that you just view it as having fun) but you gotta think about the long term.

@TechnoBoss jfl honestly.

i am going to that same club again on Thursday, going to try and ask some staff that work there maybe they know what happened to me.
I have no memories, no clue.

I feel really happy that everything turned out alright in the end. Didn't even scare anyone, since I have no friends and nobody knows this even happened to me. I managed to survive on my own, with help of an ambulance.

Say I would've died tonight, it would take WEEKS before anyone would even know/care. Life is so fucking retarded.

Idk honestly, for some reason it feels good to destroy myself, to be this self-destructive. My life has no meaning or value anyways.
If I die, that's fine. just another dead subhuman without value.

I have never meant anything to anyone and my life has no value to myself either. I don't care anymore about this worthless existence.

Don't sabotage yourself bro. I know it doesn't mean shit but I relate to your internal struggle. I can feel what you're feeling, despite what you may or may not think about a stranger from the internet. You have to look after yourself. I don't think going to the club and knowing what happened will do anything. Just leave it alone and treat your wounds. Lick your cuts like the lion in your AVI would do and just move on but just change your habits. Maybe this is the start of a new part of your life? I know it just seems like business as usual but having overdosed on drugs 2 times and waking up in the hospital, and having cocaine found in my system as I'm surrounded by doctors asking "What did you take?" - It doesn't get any more low than this. Drugs are probably more stigmatized where I live, but take this as a learning experience. You can't be reckless when it comes to drugs. I've lost a 3 friends to drugs (either directly where they have died or indirectly where their life was ruined) and it never gets better. Now that I'm sober I'm much happier and not falling on my face or nodding in and out of consciousness from phenibut/other drugs.

You have to look after yourself. Your health is the most important thing. You also have to look at this experience as a sign to change something.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Holy shit dude. Reminds me of a scar I got on my eyebrow when I overdosed on phenibut one time. Maybe you'll have a mogger scar and it'll give you bad boy halo??

Wipe the blood off man. I know it looks mogger but I have a similar video of me with blood all over my face.

yeah I already took a shower, although later I read you aren't supposed to when you have stitches but they never told me.
I look okay now, just the swelling has gotten worse and I have these black/blue marks around my eye.

You gotta chill man. My overdose was something I never expected. I woke up being handcuffed by police and then was escorted outside by paramedics. Last thing I remembered was being put into the ambulance before I went to sleep and woke up a day later. Woke up with a massive pain in my chest (which it turns out was from being poked with adrenaline to restart my heart)

you lost your heartbeat/breathing? That's insane, you were really close to death in that case.

Holy fuck.

It's all fun and games until it's not. There are real consequences to doing drugs and living that lifestyle. Trust me I know all too well. I'm very glad you're okay but genuinely don't brush off this event. This could've ended very differently for you. You gotta get out of the rut you're in. Go out to new places and just try new stuff but do anything besides continuing to do the same thing you're doing. You're gonna end up doing this again. If there is a God (and I sure hope there is) you will only get so many 2nd chances before it's your last. I know it's easy to not care about your safety (although when you're doing drugs you don't view it as that you just view it as having fun) but you gotta think about the long term.

I just don't know what to do anymore man. I hate my fucking life, why else do you think I am on 4 different drugs, going solo raving. These are not the actions of a happy person.

I have done SO MUCH, I have tried so hard. Been on so many dates, went to so many events, tried so many new hobbies, and so on. Nothing ever worked.

Don't sabotage yourself bro. I know it doesn't mean shit but I relate to your internal struggle. I can feel what you're feeling, despite what you may or may not think about a stranger from the internet. You have to look after yourself. I don't think going to the club and knowing what happened will do anything. Just leave it alone and treat your wounds. Lick your cuts like the lion in your AVI would do and just move on but just change your habits. Maybe this is the start of a new part of your life? I know it just seems like business as usual but having overdosed on drugs 2 times and waking up in the hospital, and having cocaine found in my system as I'm surrounded by doctors asking "What did you take?" - It doesn't get any more low than this. Drugs are probably more stigmatized where I live, but take this as a learning experience. You can't be reckless when it comes to drugs. I've lost a 3 friends to drugs (either directly where they have died or indirectly where their life was ruined) and it never gets better. Now that I'm sober I'm much happier and not falling on my face or nodding in and out of consciousness from phenibut/other drugs.

You have to look after yourself. Your health is the most important thing. You also have to look at this experience as a sign to change something.

I don't know, didn't you also need 2 overdoses, not 1, to wake-up?
I realize my lifestyle is self-destructive and I will end up destroying my health more and more.
I got lucky this time, next time I will be less lucky. I am risking my life every time I use this much drugs, I realize now. I didn't realize this before as I thought it was largely harmless. I never had any real issues.

I realize now that my drug-use could completely destroy my health, yet this conclusion doesn't even seem to care to me. I am fine with throwing away my life.
I just don't know what else to do.

If I had friends to go to parties with, I wouldn't have to do so much drugs on my own. If I was good-looking, I would be making out with some rave-chick and going home with her later that night, instead of getting fucked up on drugs completely and ending in an ambulance.

I don't have these options, all I can do is fuck myself up to experience anything interesting.

I just don't know what to do. What else is there?

go back to dating? go back to studycelling? wageslaving? gymcelling? dietmaxxing? forcing myself to socialize and go to new events?

everything fucking sucks.

 

[TechnoBoss]

yeah I already took a shower, although later I read you aren't supposed to when you have stitches but they never told me.
I look okay now, just the swelling has gotten worse and I have these black/blue marks around my eye.

you lost your heartbeat/breathing? That's insane, you were really close to death in that case.

Holy fuck.


I just don't know what to do anymore man. I hate my fucking life, why else do you think I am on 4 different drugs, going solo raving. These are not the actions of a happy person.

I have done SO MUCH, I have tried so hard. Been on so many dates, went to so many events, tried so many new hobbies, and so on. Nothing ever worked.

I don't know, didn't you also need 2 overdoses, not 1, to wake-up?
I realize my lifestyle is self-destructive and I will end up destroying my health more and more.
I got lucky this time, next time I will be less lucky. I am risking my life every time I use this much drugs, I realize now. I didn't realize this before as I thought it was largely harmless. I never had any real issues.

I realize now that my drug-use could completely destroy my health, yet this conclusion doesn't even seem to care to me. I am fine with throwing away my life.
I just don't know what else to do.

If I had friends to go to parties with, I wouldn't have to do so much drugs on my own. If I was good-looking, I would be making out with some rave-chick and going home with her later that night, instead of getting fucked up on drugs completely and ending in an ambulance.

I don't have these options, all I can do is fuck myself up to experience anything interesting.

I just don't know what to do. What else is there?

go back to dating? go back to studycelling? wageslaving? gymcelling? dietmaxxing? forcing myself to socialize and go to new events?

everything fucking sucks.

Aren't supposed to have stitches?? What do you mean? If you fell and split your face open you should get stitches. When I got a rhinoplasty they used dis solvable stitches in my nose. Not sure if you'd need ones they need to physically take out.

Yeah you will be black and blue for some time after something like that. Atleast you're okay. I'm sure for the paramedics who took you away it was routine but for you it could've been possibly fatal.

Yes bro. And I'm referring to two separate instances of me overdosing specifically on Phenibut. I overdosed once, two times. Was taking upwards of 15 grams at a time (for reference, a lot of people feel it at 750mg but I apparently have very fried GABA receptors or something because when I started I needed 3.5g to feel it and when I was addicted I was taking around 10g of it at a time - which is enough to kill someone if they have no tolerance)

I know you're not happy man. It shows in your posts. Things can change very quickly. Situations can change very quickly. You gotta start doing something different. If you aren't happy doing what you're currently doing then start making a change bro. I really cant even admit to the drugs I was doing on the forum or else I will look horrible but trust me, I was doing very hard drugs. It was horrible. I couldn't go without them because it was my entire life. Wouldn't shower would just go to a certain "place" and stay there for days doing drugs. I haven't touched actually hard drugs in a while. I did MDMA two nights ago which was nice because it was only my second time doing it. I don't consider MDMA a "hard drug" - Bro I'm gonna be real bro it sounds like you need some kind of rehabilitation program. It's not shameful to do this. It's the actions of a person who is genuinely trying to better their life. However in my opinion, the problem is the root cause. You need to cure the thing causing the addiction to truly get over it. Going to a rehab program will take you out of your life for a bit and FORCE you to not do drugs, but it won't cure the root cause of the problem.

What do you think is causing the unhappiness/unfulfillment in your life? No women? No changes in your routine? You need to be your own therapist and actually do some soul searching and find out what is causing the unhappiness. If you can't do it yourself I recommend to do 1 on 1 therapy to help find the root cause. Drug addiction is not caused by the want to just do drugs, it's caused by a chemical imbalance. You need to find the root cause of that chemical imbalance AKA why is your brain not producing enough dopamine/serotonin/etc.

You can't let yourself self-sabotage. I have done this my entire life and it has cost me most things I have loved genuinely. You're a good looking dude bro you're looking than me. I genuinely think it's a location issue alongside being maybe less than neurotypical. Have you genuinely ever considered moving? It sounds like the place you live is genuinely cucking you. If you lived where I lived, you would really slay. If you didn't slay here you have to actually be LTN.

Don't force yourself to do anything. My advice is to just do something different. It's obvious the things you're doing are not working for you as it currently stands so just do something you haven't done before. Go to a new place. I know you said you've tried new hobbies before but what did you try? Did the hobbies not really interest you, or did doing drugs just interest you more? Don't let drugs rob you of your health/wellbeing/personality. Nothing is worse than a person who's only hobby is doing drugs; and I say this as an ex-drug addict.

Something has to change man. You got one life guaranteed to you. In 5 years you will look back and think "fuck I could've done so much by now" - seriously bro you've got so much life to live it's not even funny.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Aren't supposed to have stitches?? What do you mean? If you fell and split your face open you should get stitches. When I got a rhinoplasty they used dis solvable stitches in my nose. Not sure if you'd need ones they need to physically take out.

i read that you aren't supposed to take a shower, get your wound wet, after having stiches. for first 48hours.
they didnt tell me so I took a shower and only read this afterwards. but probably doesnt matter anyways.

these ones don;t dissolve. I have to make an appointment with my GP after 7-14 days to get them taken out.

Yeah you will be black and blue for some time after something like that. Atleast you're okay. I'm sure for the paramedics who took you away it was routine but for you it could've been possibly fatal.

the paramedics were really chill honestly. I didn't get judged, I didn't get any condescending words, nothing. Just seemed like good folks taking care of me. It was a very smooth, easy, friendly experience.
On my hospital-letter it says they found me 'cooperative and friendly', but 'my eyes showed clear signs of drugs-use.'
It also says something about me 'responding well to stimuli', I don't know what that means. They were putting medication/drugs in my arm so maybe they were using something to wake me up, and I 'responded well to that'. idk

Yes bro. And I'm referring to two separate instances of me overdosing specifically on Phenibut. I overdosed once, two times. Was taking upwards of 15 grams at a time (for reference, a lot of people feel it at 750mg but I apparently have very fried GABA receptors or something because when I started I needed 3.5g to feel it and when I was addicted I was taking around 10g of it at a time - which is enough to kill someone if they have no tolerance)

that's insane, you were taking very dangerous drugs.

I don't think any of the drugs I am doing, I could ever over-dose on. I destroyed myself by acting foolishly due to being under influence. This could've also happened on alcohol I suppose.
I guess I could die from ketamine-overdose but even that is extremely rare.

I know you're not happy man. It shows in your posts. Things can change very quickly. Situations can change very quickly. You gotta start doing something different. If you aren't happy doing what you're currently doing then start making a change bro. I really cant even admit to the drugs I was doing on the forum or else I will look horrible but trust me, I was doing very hard drugs. It was horrible. I couldn't go without them because it was my entire life. Wouldn't shower would just go to a certain "place" and stay there for days doing drugs. I haven't touched actually hard drugs in a while. I did MDMA two nights ago which was nice because it was only my second time doing it. I don't consider MDMA a "hard drug" - Bro I'm gonna be real bro it sounds like you need some kind of rehabilitation program. It's not shameful to do this. It's the actions of a person who is genuinely trying to better their life. However in my opinion, the problem is the root cause. You need to cure the thing causing the addiction to truly get over it. Going to a rehab program will take you out of your life for a bit and FORCE you to not do drugs, but it won't cure the root cause of the problem.

I am not addicted. I've been clean from drugs for 5 weeks, this week, as I was looking forward to this rave and being able to enjoy drugs without any tolerances. So only this week did I start using again.

I fucked myself with the ketamine, I can become a complete zombie on that shit and as tonight has showed, I can hit my head while in this retarded zombie ketamine state. I don't have control over my body anymore. This could've also happened on alcohol.

I am already in the mental ward, not a rehab program. There's nothing more than I can do. I am already getting therapy for 10-15 hours a week, what the fuck more can I do.

I am not addicted to MDMA, not addicted to ketamine. It's just that in moments of pain, loneliness, and wanting to enjoy myself, I can use too much drugs which make me vulnerable.
I will plan on using less in the future, I don't want to use ketamine anymore at raves like I am doing now, turning into this zombie.

What do you think is causing the unhappiness/unfulfillment in your life? No women? No changes in your routine? You need to be your own therapist and actually do some soul searching and find out what is causing the unhappiness. If you can't do it yourself I recommend to do 1 on 1 therapy to help find the root cause. Drug addiction is not caused by the want to just do drugs, it's caused by a chemical imbalance. You need to find the root cause of that chemical imbalance AKA why is your brain not producing enough dopamine/serotonin/etc.

being an ugly subhuman without friends, social-value, girlfriend, nothing.

On an average day in my life, I don't speak a single word to a human lifeform. This is the AVERAGE day for me. I can go DAYS without speaking a single word to another human-being and this has become 'normal'.
I am a ghost, nobody in this world believes I am even alive.

You can't let yourself self-sabotage. I have done this my entire life and it has cost me most things I have loved genuinely. You're a good looking dude bro you're looking than me. I genuinely think it's a location issue alongside being maybe less than neurotypical. Have you genuinely ever considered moving? It sounds like the place you live is genuinely cucking you. If you lived where I lived, you would really slay. If you didn't slay here you have to actually be LTN.

Don't force yourself to do anything. My advice is to just do something different. It's obvious the things you're doing are not working for you as it currently stands so just do something you haven't done before. Go to a new place. I know you said you've tried new hobbies before but what did you try? Did the hobbies not really interest you, or did doing drugs just interest you more? Don't let drugs rob you of your health/wellbeing/personality. Nothing is worse than a person who's only hobby is doing drugs; and I say this as an ex-drug addict.

Something has to change man. You got one life guaranteed to you.

the drugs I only started 1 year ago. I've been doing self-improvement for 10 years now.

It's not the drugs, they arent the cause of this life. They are only a symptom, and maybe they are an obstacle in improving my life now.
I already this garbage worthless world before I ever even touched a single drug.

In 5 years you will look back and think "fuck I could've done so much by now" - seriously bro you've got so much life to live it's not even funny.

sounds like total shit, why would I want to regret my life so much, 5 years from now? Thinking back of today of 'how much I wasted my life, I ruined my life, I destroyed everything'
I am not looking forward to that day, I don't want myself to ever think that any of this shit was my fault.

This filthy garbage life was given to me, I didn't pick it.