ChristianChad
Kraken
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2021
- Posts
- 11,720
- Reputation
- 12,631
These are normal healthy teenagers:
https://bestgore.fun/w/nePjSwtX62jToczKzHJoPt I'm sorry for this suspicious website and link, I wasn't able to download the vid.
Peak sexual health, peak mental health, peak virility and low in inhibition. Some see dumb niggers (stormfrontcel, incel) I see peak health individuals having fun, probably plowing pussy regularly by 16.
I am 17. I'm very sickly, with very estrogenic fat disposition (gyno and a lot of fat around my hips and ass, with love handles), scarred skin with acne, no collagen and an aged face, sex drive of a 40 year old, most likely Hypothyroid as I regularly have cold extremities and I had diagnosed Hypothyroidism at 13 after 2 years of getting bullied (subhuman trait), regular upper back and neck pain, awful back posture (one shoulder is higher then the other, chronic anterior pelvic tilt), I have a messed up disc in my neck (which is completely my own fault and the result of my negligence, idiocy and bad luck. This is practically non-existent at my age and doctors which I have seen all said this, a child neurosurgeon [deals with preschoolers to 18 year olds] said he hasn't operated on someone my age with this problem in 10+ years, and I am an operable case and I'm debating surgery to remove the disk. I currently can't exercise at all for the next half a year at the very least), problems with sleep ever since I was 13, getting sick very often, very anxious and very unadapt to real-life. What I mean by unadapt to real-life is that I am simply very unfamiliar with everything as I have simply not done it, my most unexperienced area is probably interacting and being around people, bare in-mind I am not autistic and I am completely retarded in everything related to social situations.
I have very low hope for myself, and I am being infantilized by everybody in my life, except my older brother and by strangers I meet on the street and in public places (although even they probably feel something wrong with me if they speak with me. The uncanniness must be disgusting, seeing a 17 year old with a very aged face and the body language of an insecure 14 year old).
I haven't regularly went to school (Middle School, High School) since the start of 8th grade until this very day, basically for 4 years by now, I'm currently in 12th grade. Probably haven't went consistently more then a week to school since December 2018. Currently I haven't went to school in more then a month and a half, although this is not the longest period I have not been to school. This problem started after a mental breakdown around December 2018 I think, at the start of 8th grade after I moved to a different Middle School due to being severely bullied in 7th grade, basically screamed at my mom one night that I'm sick of this shit and I'm not going to school, this is probably my brain shitting itself after 2 years of abuse in 6th and 7th grade when I was 11 - 13, with the worst schoolyear being my time in 7th grade when I was 12-13, I have not met such sick individuals like my classmates back then ever since, only 13 year olds could be such insufferable cunts, probably because they have not yet reached maturity yet but have Testosterone coursing through their veins. They have probably all changed by now, at least I hope so for their sake because they were complete faggots and I can't imagine an 18 year old with their same mentality. If I ever meet them again and they do not disrespect me I will hold no grudge, as I understand people aren't the same as they are at 13.
At 13, mentally, my maturity was appropriate for a 12 year old. At 15 I was probably the mental equivalent of a 13 year old, and today at 17 I feel at the appropriate mental level; considering social intelligence, life experiences, mental maturity, social maturity; of a 15 year old; but even for a 15 year old my mental level is not good, probably the average for a loner/gamer 15 year old though. Please understand that around my age this mental age disparity is huge, the mental difference between a 17 year old and 15 year old is probably like the mental distance between an average High School graduate and someone in the middle of College.
The mental disparity between me and my schoolmates is immense and it's really embarrassing to go to school, especially in Israel since everybody is legitimately giga NT, especially my classmates.
At 17 it's so embarrassing to go to school and having no friends and being unable to even sit with someone without being a retard, having no clue on what is being studied and not having done 99% of the tests, projects and assignments my classmates have done over the years, basically having not talked to a girl my age in 4+ years (even before this period of not going to school I was treated awfully by girls and even bullied by them in 6th grade (giga incel trait)) and being completely out of touch with a lot of things.
This mental underdevelopment is expressed in other ways aswell. I sometimes get embarrassed when talking/interacting with grown men/males my age, the same embarrassment someone feels when talking to a woman they like. I dont have outright homosexual attraction and I am not attracted to these people I'm speaking with, but something is very wrong with me.
Evidently this is very deviant thinking, I don't know how to deal with this. I know I'm not a faggot, as on days when I am very busy and going outside and talking with a lot of people I feel like I have an orthodox sexuality.
And in-general this same-sex "attraction" is not consistent, I rarely have sexual thoughts regarding males I see randomly (they are often not attractive, physically I'm not attracted to any of their qualities, I'm not even attracted to anything regarding them [it's just that the type of embarrassment I feel is the same that happens when talking to people you are attracted to] The only recurring thing is that they are pretty much always on a more mature level then me mentally). But this embarrassment, that which is like that of a man talking to a woman he is attracted to, or a woman talking to a male she is attracted to; happens often when I am in the position of talking to these mentally mature males, often they are in the profession of customer service of some kind, or just simply very mature males who completely divert their attention to me.
It's very bad, because I know the average, healthy male feels disgust at this kind of thinking, even hypothetically.
My theory is to why I am in this weird predicament, is that: I am guarded by my mother, I go with her often when I have appointments or something, and I often see her polite behavior when talking to males in such positions, and so I copy her behavior on some level. I copy her behavior on another front, when I talk to people I'm familiar with, or classmates I want to chat with. I don't talk like a man would which would be basically discussing whatever but their personal business, I talk like a woman; asking about their personal life, what they're doing, what's new since I last talked to them.
I am also occasionally involuntarily and non-exclusively attracted to girls ages 12-13, and onwards (+) that I see, both "romantically" somehow and somewhat "sexually". I think a guy my age would simply not find the ages even 2 years below their own attractive, and I'm not even talking about 14-13~ whatever year olds. I essentially never talked to 14-16 year old girls, which is probably the problem. I am stuck in the same mental level I was at younger ages. I missed out very hard on everything from 8th - 12th grade, as I simply wasn't present. This complicates interacting with girls around this age, because a guy my age would see them as children; attraction would be extremely far from a normal person's mind, so again something is very wrong with me in this limited aspect.
Although these two problems presented ("attraction to males" and whatever this last paragraph was, please read it carefully, I am not a pedophile) somewhat fuck me up, especially "attraction to males" it's one of the reasons I can't act "casually" around anyone especially people I work with, study or even want to be friends; because I am for some reason attracted to them (?); I think the solution to both these things is simple: in both cases the solution is that I reintegrate into society, look for a job or whatever endeavor would require a lot of effort and involvement in the real-world, and also that I talk to girls my age and seek a partner (problem is I don't know how to also talk "casually" to girls my age like every guy my age does, I subconsciously feel that every girl is a potential partner, same as some 13-14 year old or something).
Suffice to say doing this is very hard and I'm just a pussy. I have no energy for anything anymore and what I "want" is to sleep forever or recreate times where I feel good. Though I understand the necessity of doing things I don't want to do. My situation and my patheticism discourages me from giving any effort. It's clear to me I have to take massive leaps of faith to improve, and I have to be courageous and brave to actually change anything except get older. Currently If I don't do anything courageous I will just get worse.
I think I feel a lot of brainfog, especially when I have a conversation with people, I can't think of any replies to what people say. Only when I'm very drunk I can talk like a normal person, for example to people on Omegle, normally I literally don't know what to say beyond "Hi". This is true with any one I VC with online, in-terms of a real conversation on VC, I don't know anything to say beyond explaining something very poorly I know. Anything else my mind just doesn't work.
Maybe I am selfish or something, because it's as if I don't care when I'm talking to someone, even people I'm interested to talking with, I talk and think as if I don't really want to speak with them.
I'm very neurotic because of how weak and powerless I am. I also think I'm narcissistic, and I don't know what to do with this fact if it's true.
This is basically how I will look at 21 only slightly higher BF and more gyno and Estrogenic fat distribution:
Aged face, dystrophied due to laziness and lack-luster endocrine function, postural issues.
I think I'll look like this because of my postural issues now, bad Endocrine health now, severe stress I have endured and how aged my face already is and the stress I will continue to endure due to my bad health; mental stress from infantilization and how far behind I am people my age; harassments from anyone who wishes to do so; tyrannical family and people.
I have no idea what to do in my current situation. Except maybe go to school however much I have left, then search for a job.
As always very discouraged due to situation, tiredness and patheticism.
https://bestgore.fun/w/nePjSwtX62jToczKzHJoPt I'm sorry for this suspicious website and link, I wasn't able to download the vid.
Peak sexual health, peak mental health, peak virility and low in inhibition. Some see dumb niggers (stormfrontcel, incel) I see peak health individuals having fun, probably plowing pussy regularly by 16.
I am 17. I'm very sickly, with very estrogenic fat disposition (gyno and a lot of fat around my hips and ass, with love handles), scarred skin with acne, no collagen and an aged face, sex drive of a 40 year old, most likely Hypothyroid as I regularly have cold extremities and I had diagnosed Hypothyroidism at 13 after 2 years of getting bullied (subhuman trait), regular upper back and neck pain, awful back posture (one shoulder is higher then the other, chronic anterior pelvic tilt), I have a messed up disc in my neck (which is completely my own fault and the result of my negligence, idiocy and bad luck. This is practically non-existent at my age and doctors which I have seen all said this, a child neurosurgeon [deals with preschoolers to 18 year olds] said he hasn't operated on someone my age with this problem in 10+ years, and I am an operable case and I'm debating surgery to remove the disk. I currently can't exercise at all for the next half a year at the very least), problems with sleep ever since I was 13, getting sick very often, very anxious and very unadapt to real-life. What I mean by unadapt to real-life is that I am simply very unfamiliar with everything as I have simply not done it, my most unexperienced area is probably interacting and being around people, bare in-mind I am not autistic and I am completely retarded in everything related to social situations.
I have very low hope for myself, and I am being infantilized by everybody in my life, except my older brother and by strangers I meet on the street and in public places (although even they probably feel something wrong with me if they speak with me. The uncanniness must be disgusting, seeing a 17 year old with a very aged face and the body language of an insecure 14 year old).
I haven't regularly went to school (Middle School, High School) since the start of 8th grade until this very day, basically for 4 years by now, I'm currently in 12th grade. Probably haven't went consistently more then a week to school since December 2018. Currently I haven't went to school in more then a month and a half, although this is not the longest period I have not been to school. This problem started after a mental breakdown around December 2018 I think, at the start of 8th grade after I moved to a different Middle School due to being severely bullied in 7th grade, basically screamed at my mom one night that I'm sick of this shit and I'm not going to school, this is probably my brain shitting itself after 2 years of abuse in 6th and 7th grade when I was 11 - 13, with the worst schoolyear being my time in 7th grade when I was 12-13, I have not met such sick individuals like my classmates back then ever since, only 13 year olds could be such insufferable cunts, probably because they have not yet reached maturity yet but have Testosterone coursing through their veins. They have probably all changed by now, at least I hope so for their sake because they were complete faggots and I can't imagine an 18 year old with their same mentality. If I ever meet them again and they do not disrespect me I will hold no grudge, as I understand people aren't the same as they are at 13.
At 13, mentally, my maturity was appropriate for a 12 year old. At 15 I was probably the mental equivalent of a 13 year old, and today at 17 I feel at the appropriate mental level; considering social intelligence, life experiences, mental maturity, social maturity; of a 15 year old; but even for a 15 year old my mental level is not good, probably the average for a loner/gamer 15 year old though. Please understand that around my age this mental age disparity is huge, the mental difference between a 17 year old and 15 year old is probably like the mental distance between an average High School graduate and someone in the middle of College.
The mental disparity between me and my schoolmates is immense and it's really embarrassing to go to school, especially in Israel since everybody is legitimately giga NT, especially my classmates.
At 17 it's so embarrassing to go to school and having no friends and being unable to even sit with someone without being a retard, having no clue on what is being studied and not having done 99% of the tests, projects and assignments my classmates have done over the years, basically having not talked to a girl my age in 4+ years (even before this period of not going to school I was treated awfully by girls and even bullied by them in 6th grade (giga incel trait)) and being completely out of touch with a lot of things.
This mental underdevelopment is expressed in other ways aswell. I sometimes get embarrassed when talking/interacting with grown men/males my age, the same embarrassment someone feels when talking to a woman they like. I dont have outright homosexual attraction and I am not attracted to these people I'm speaking with, but something is very wrong with me.
Evidently this is very deviant thinking, I don't know how to deal with this. I know I'm not a faggot, as on days when I am very busy and going outside and talking with a lot of people I feel like I have an orthodox sexuality.
And in-general this same-sex "attraction" is not consistent, I rarely have sexual thoughts regarding males I see randomly (they are often not attractive, physically I'm not attracted to any of their qualities, I'm not even attracted to anything regarding them [it's just that the type of embarrassment I feel is the same that happens when talking to people you are attracted to] The only recurring thing is that they are pretty much always on a more mature level then me mentally). But this embarrassment, that which is like that of a man talking to a woman he is attracted to, or a woman talking to a male she is attracted to; happens often when I am in the position of talking to these mentally mature males, often they are in the profession of customer service of some kind, or just simply very mature males who completely divert their attention to me.
It's very bad, because I know the average, healthy male feels disgust at this kind of thinking, even hypothetically.
My theory is to why I am in this weird predicament, is that: I am guarded by my mother, I go with her often when I have appointments or something, and I often see her polite behavior when talking to males in such positions, and so I copy her behavior on some level. I copy her behavior on another front, when I talk to people I'm familiar with, or classmates I want to chat with. I don't talk like a man would which would be basically discussing whatever but their personal business, I talk like a woman; asking about their personal life, what they're doing, what's new since I last talked to them.
I am also occasionally involuntarily and non-exclusively attracted to girls ages 12-13, and onwards (+) that I see, both "romantically" somehow and somewhat "sexually". I think a guy my age would simply not find the ages even 2 years below their own attractive, and I'm not even talking about 14-13~ whatever year olds. I essentially never talked to 14-16 year old girls, which is probably the problem. I am stuck in the same mental level I was at younger ages. I missed out very hard on everything from 8th - 12th grade, as I simply wasn't present. This complicates interacting with girls around this age, because a guy my age would see them as children; attraction would be extremely far from a normal person's mind, so again something is very wrong with me in this limited aspect.
Although these two problems presented ("attraction to males" and whatever this last paragraph was, please read it carefully, I am not a pedophile) somewhat fuck me up, especially "attraction to males" it's one of the reasons I can't act "casually" around anyone especially people I work with, study or even want to be friends; because I am for some reason attracted to them (?); I think the solution to both these things is simple: in both cases the solution is that I reintegrate into society, look for a job or whatever endeavor would require a lot of effort and involvement in the real-world, and also that I talk to girls my age and seek a partner (problem is I don't know how to also talk "casually" to girls my age like every guy my age does, I subconsciously feel that every girl is a potential partner, same as some 13-14 year old or something).
Suffice to say doing this is very hard and I'm just a pussy. I have no energy for anything anymore and what I "want" is to sleep forever or recreate times where I feel good. Though I understand the necessity of doing things I don't want to do. My situation and my patheticism discourages me from giving any effort. It's clear to me I have to take massive leaps of faith to improve, and I have to be courageous and brave to actually change anything except get older. Currently If I don't do anything courageous I will just get worse.
I think I feel a lot of brainfog, especially when I have a conversation with people, I can't think of any replies to what people say. Only when I'm very drunk I can talk like a normal person, for example to people on Omegle, normally I literally don't know what to say beyond "Hi". This is true with any one I VC with online, in-terms of a real conversation on VC, I don't know anything to say beyond explaining something very poorly I know. Anything else my mind just doesn't work.
Maybe I am selfish or something, because it's as if I don't care when I'm talking to someone, even people I'm interested to talking with, I talk and think as if I don't really want to speak with them.
I'm very neurotic because of how weak and powerless I am. I also think I'm narcissistic, and I don't know what to do with this fact if it's true.
This is basically how I will look at 21 only slightly higher BF and more gyno and Estrogenic fat distribution:
Aged face, dystrophied due to laziness and lack-luster endocrine function, postural issues.
I think I'll look like this because of my postural issues now, bad Endocrine health now, severe stress I have endured and how aged my face already is and the stress I will continue to endure due to my bad health; mental stress from infantilization and how far behind I am people my age; harassments from anyone who wishes to do so; tyrannical family and people.
I have no idea what to do in my current situation. Except maybe go to school however much I have left, then search for a job.
As always very discouraged due to situation, tiredness and patheticism.
