Deleted member 6403
Made It Out The Hood
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- Apr 14, 2020
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it's really over.
In the last few days I banged teo girls from Tinder, it was just going thru motions. I was numb the whole time and bored even during sex. It was just another date, same old stories about my life, pre packaged funny charming stories, escalate to bed etc. Same type of foreplay, same dirty talk, all packaged not organic, just robotic. No pleasure at all, just thinking to myself that this is the pinnacle of being GL, total easy of access to pussy, yet I was getting nothing out of it.
I decide to get my high another way that I have always been able to, junk food. I swing by the store on the way home from Tinder slut 2 and pick up my fav ice cream, chips, candy, pizza, and head home with a salivating mouth. As I dig into some ice cream, again, I feel pretty numb. Where is that sugar high I usually feel, I thought. Not there. I fire up my favorite video game and quit halfway thru the first game thinking this is a boring game I have been playing for the last 20 years.
The only GF I came close to loving I completely cut ALL ties absolutely just last week. She wanted kids and I didn't, we couldn't move past this difference and I couldnt hold it against her that she wanted to. After all she's in her late 20's and the clock is ticking. I wished her the best and told her she will have beautiful kids, just not with me. I cannot bring a child into this world given the hell i went thru as a kid with a better looking brother. How could I ever morally bring a child into the world knowing all the blackpilled stuff I think of daily?
I have been unable to obtain any pleasure or high from the typical ways I have been able to and now with the only decent girl I have known out of my life depression is crawling back. There really is no point to it all, even Jesus checked out at 33, just a year older than I am now, and I can see why he did.
I yearn for my childhood, platonic friendships with my male friends in middle school. Money and the huge stresses of life taken care of by suburban well off parents. No one caring about being cool or sex or girls or what's cool. The only thing we had to worry about was whos house we were sleeping over at this coming weekend and which new video game we were going to play first. Everything decays, people grow up, responsibilities take over, and friendships fade.
The blackpill is real, and I have witnessed it's effects first hand more than most will. People, not just women, will let you down and fuck you over even if they don't mean to. You can't ever rely on another person and even your parents don't love you unconditionally. Never forget that every human relationship is transactional, someone likes you or likes your company because you provide SOME sort of value to theirs as well. The moment you stop bringing this value to the table it's OVER, you can be cut off so fucking fast your head will spin.
There is no happy ending message to this thread, I can understand why people get married and/or have kids cause I have never felt so lonely in my life. A lot of that is my own doing, despite guys and girls wanting to be my friend or build a relationship with me I always push them away because of my insatiable need to be alone and recharge after socializing. Not to mention my dramatic ups and downs I go through from time to time with my own self image. I can become paralyzed from all social desires from one back look in the mirror. My mental sanity hinges on how my brain decides to perceive my face in the bathroom mirror or my reflection I might accidentally see in a puddle or department store wall mirror.
Getting married and having kids seems so bluepilled but it really does leave the question as to, how do you spend the latter decades of your life? Wtf is there to do from the age of like 35 onward? Short term relationship hopping? That's fucking retarded.A committed relationship with a woman, but no kids? Hookers? Suicide? Charity? Who knows, but what I do know is that if you don't actively make an effort to change your life direction you will easily find yourself 6 or 10 years down the road sill thinking "next year is the year I will change it all around." But that change never will come
In the last few days I banged teo girls from Tinder, it was just going thru motions. I was numb the whole time and bored even during sex. It was just another date, same old stories about my life, pre packaged funny charming stories, escalate to bed etc. Same type of foreplay, same dirty talk, all packaged not organic, just robotic. No pleasure at all, just thinking to myself that this is the pinnacle of being GL, total easy of access to pussy, yet I was getting nothing out of it.
I decide to get my high another way that I have always been able to, junk food. I swing by the store on the way home from Tinder slut 2 and pick up my fav ice cream, chips, candy, pizza, and head home with a salivating mouth. As I dig into some ice cream, again, I feel pretty numb. Where is that sugar high I usually feel, I thought. Not there. I fire up my favorite video game and quit halfway thru the first game thinking this is a boring game I have been playing for the last 20 years.
The only GF I came close to loving I completely cut ALL ties absolutely just last week. She wanted kids and I didn't, we couldn't move past this difference and I couldnt hold it against her that she wanted to. After all she's in her late 20's and the clock is ticking. I wished her the best and told her she will have beautiful kids, just not with me. I cannot bring a child into this world given the hell i went thru as a kid with a better looking brother. How could I ever morally bring a child into the world knowing all the blackpilled stuff I think of daily?
I have been unable to obtain any pleasure or high from the typical ways I have been able to and now with the only decent girl I have known out of my life depression is crawling back. There really is no point to it all, even Jesus checked out at 33, just a year older than I am now, and I can see why he did.
I yearn for my childhood, platonic friendships with my male friends in middle school. Money and the huge stresses of life taken care of by suburban well off parents. No one caring about being cool or sex or girls or what's cool. The only thing we had to worry about was whos house we were sleeping over at this coming weekend and which new video game we were going to play first. Everything decays, people grow up, responsibilities take over, and friendships fade.
The blackpill is real, and I have witnessed it's effects first hand more than most will. People, not just women, will let you down and fuck you over even if they don't mean to. You can't ever rely on another person and even your parents don't love you unconditionally. Never forget that every human relationship is transactional, someone likes you or likes your company because you provide SOME sort of value to theirs as well. The moment you stop bringing this value to the table it's OVER, you can be cut off so fucking fast your head will spin.
There is no happy ending message to this thread, I can understand why people get married and/or have kids cause I have never felt so lonely in my life. A lot of that is my own doing, despite guys and girls wanting to be my friend or build a relationship with me I always push them away because of my insatiable need to be alone and recharge after socializing. Not to mention my dramatic ups and downs I go through from time to time with my own self image. I can become paralyzed from all social desires from one back look in the mirror. My mental sanity hinges on how my brain decides to perceive my face in the bathroom mirror or my reflection I might accidentally see in a puddle or department store wall mirror.
Getting married and having kids seems so bluepilled but it really does leave the question as to, how do you spend the latter decades of your life? Wtf is there to do from the age of like 35 onward? Short term relationship hopping? That's fucking retarded.A committed relationship with a woman, but no kids? Hookers? Suicide? Charity? Who knows, but what I do know is that if you don't actively make an effort to change your life direction you will easily find yourself 6 or 10 years down the road sill thinking "next year is the year I will change it all around." But that change never will come
