Michael Myers
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[new forum] was a BBS forum that gained internet popularity after the fall of [old forum]. Created by [admin], a Jewish nigger, [old forum] carries on has failed to carry on [old forum]'s legacy of free speech, and free information. It is now defunct, not that anyone gives a shit.
What follows next is [new forum]'s subforums and a realistic description of what went down in that subforum.
[subforum 1]
As with most General Chat forums, users come here to talk about anything that does not fit in any of the other boards. [admin] encourages deep and interesting discussions, however nobody on [new forum] has an IQ over 60, so that could never happen.
Apparently trolling is not allowed, yet reading many of the threads one can easily see that this is a huge incorrect statement. Many "RIP" threads are created when a user doesn't post on [new forum] for more than 2 hours, most of them made by faggot [user 1].
[subforum 2]
This is is where you go to bitch and whine about how you got butthurt by someone else in another thread. Reading more than one topic in here a day can cause you to lose all hope for humanity. It is mainly modded by [mod], who shows up every now to ban people when she's cranky and on her period. It is also a well known fact that [mod] is a fat, repulsive 40 year old whore with red hair.
[subforum 3]
[subforum 1] may be the backbone of the forum, but this acts like the backbone of the trolls. Containing a quarter of a million posts, it is the most active board on the forum. Boasting almost 20,000 topics, and is modded by [mod 2] and [mod 3]. If you're looking for less quality posts, or have nothing worthy to say, then this board is right down your alley.
[subforum 4]
A forum where virgins discuss sex and various sexual fetishes, despite having no knowledge of how to perform intercourse. [mod 4] used to mod [subforum 4], until he cheated on his wife, making [admin] wise up and remove him.
[user 2] thinks [subforum 4] is his blog, and is subsequently laughed at for his incredible fail at the game of mating. Despite never getting laid, he still gets more action than 95% of the [new forum] community. His lovable loser-type threads have resulted in the attention of female users on the board, thinking he is "OH SO KAWAII". IRL however, the women are fucking afraid, as he spends his dates talking about rape. Yes, really.
Common [subforum 4] topics include;
[subforum 5]
This is where all the junkies and stoners of [new forum] post. A noteworthy thread includes "Bump When High", however the users are too high to realize that the thread is stickied.
[subforum 6]
"Mystical and the paranoid - a combination of alchemy, crystal healing, psychic powers, Old and New Age thinking!" - Aka, the bullshit forum.
[mod 5], also known as The Zodiac Killer is the moderator shaman of Paranormal, and actually believes the bullshit that gets spewed here. He believes in spells, magic, and thinks he can tell the future. To summarize, [mod 5] is a 60 year old man with an ego bigger than [user 3]'s nose.
He once held a contest with his used underwear as first prize, expecting people would be delighted to win such a thing.
[mod 5] has a number of character traits that will either make you lol, or disturb you.
What follows next is [new forum]'s subforums and a realistic description of what went down in that subforum.
[subforum 1]
As with most General Chat forums, users come here to talk about anything that does not fit in any of the other boards. [admin] encourages deep and interesting discussions, however nobody on [new forum] has an IQ over 60, so that could never happen.
Apparently trolling is not allowed, yet reading many of the threads one can easily see that this is a huge incorrect statement. Many "RIP" threads are created when a user doesn't post on [new forum] for more than 2 hours, most of them made by faggot [user 1].
[subforum 2]
This is is where you go to bitch and whine about how you got butthurt by someone else in another thread. Reading more than one topic in here a day can cause you to lose all hope for humanity. It is mainly modded by [mod], who shows up every now to ban people when she's cranky and on her period. It is also a well known fact that [mod] is a fat, repulsive 40 year old whore with red hair.
[subforum 3]
[subforum 1] may be the backbone of the forum, but this acts like the backbone of the trolls. Containing a quarter of a million posts, it is the most active board on the forum. Boasting almost 20,000 topics, and is modded by [mod 2] and [mod 3]. If you're looking for less quality posts, or have nothing worthy to say, then this board is right down your alley.
[subforum 4]
A forum where virgins discuss sex and various sexual fetishes, despite having no knowledge of how to perform intercourse. [mod 4] used to mod [subforum 4], until he cheated on his wife, making [admin] wise up and remove him.
[user 2] thinks [subforum 4] is his blog, and is subsequently laughed at for his incredible fail at the game of mating. Despite never getting laid, he still gets more action than 95% of the [new forum] community. His lovable loser-type threads have resulted in the attention of female users on the board, thinking he is "OH SO KAWAII". IRL however, the women are fucking afraid, as he spends his dates talking about rape. Yes, really.
Common [subforum 4] topics include;
- HOW DO I HAZ SEXX0R!?!1
- Best way to rape my sister?
- Just got fired for sexual harassment.. did I do something wrong guys?
- I'm 12 and my dick is 20 inches long, should I get it surgically shortened?
- You want to know why I molest cats? Fuck you, here's why.
[subforum 5]
This is where all the junkies and stoners of [new forum] post. A noteworthy thread includes "Bump When High", however the users are too high to realize that the thread is stickied.
[subforum 6]
"Mystical and the paranoid - a combination of alchemy, crystal healing, psychic powers, Old and New Age thinking!" - Aka, the bullshit forum.
[mod 5], also known as The Zodiac Killer is the moderator shaman of Paranormal, and actually believes the bullshit that gets spewed here. He believes in spells, magic, and thinks he can tell the future. To summarize, [mod 5] is a 60 year old man with an ego bigger than [user 3]'s nose.
He once held a contest with his used underwear as first prize, expecting people would be delighted to win such a thing.
He once made a thread actually stating that anger was the same thing as fear, which resulted in lulz. His infamous quote, "Angry? Be advised that anger is fear announced." has become a meme on the boards. Memes? Be advised that memes is unoriginality announced.
[mod 5] has a number of character traits that will either make you lol, or disturb you.
- Despite promoting peace and harmony, he holds the profession of a weapons salesman. Yes, really.
- Refuses to eat canned food, due to it being "poison", but smokes JWH.
- Takes care of another man's children.
- Lives in a cabin, in the middle of the forest, with no electricity. This is more than likely to hide from the police, due to his profession as The Zodiac Killer. He has to travel long distances to get to the local library, to post on [new forum].
- Has admitted to having sex with over 100 people (note: people, not women).
Quality Moderators
Out of all of [admin]'s incredible talents, his most dominant characteristic is his ability to select knowledgeable experts to moderate the site.- [mod 6]: A 40 year old paraplegic with one eye who works as a high school janitor. Mods [subforum 9].
- [mod 7]: A divorced woman. Mods [subforum 4]
- [mod 8]: Has admitted to being a tranny. Mods [subforum 4] and [subforum 6].
- [mod 9]: A handsome, intellectual youth, feared by the wicked and loved by the righteous. Mods [subforum 7] and [subforum 8]
- [mod 10]: Excels at copying and pasting drug information directly off of wikipedia. Mods [subforum 5]
Users who pretend to be women
[new forum] doesn't exactly attract the upper echelon of society, resulting in many 40 year old virgins pretending to be women to fulfil their repressed desires for sexual male attention.- [user 3]: An acronym for "weiner and nuts". Has posted numerous threads about wanting his Bulgarian assistant manager's cock.
- [user 4]: [user 5]'s troll account.
- [user 1]: Seduced [user 6] over msn under the guise of being a teenage girl, resulting in him buying a plane ticket to go and meet "her" in England.
- [mod 11]: Actually went to the effort of creating a fake Facebook account of the girl he was pretending to be. Dresses in drag IRL and regularly faps with a belt around his neck. Molests children and is an all-round sick fuck.
Senile Users
- [user 7]: Lives to whine about [new forum]. Claims to have all these "hacks" and regularly threatens to shut [new forum] down. Couldn't hack his way into a wet paper bag.
- [user 8]: Also lives to complain about [new forum]. Isn't cognizant of the fact that [new forum] isn't the only forum on the internet.
- [mod 5]: See The Zodiac killer.
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