out of the mental hospital thoughts

ja37viggenlover

ja37viggenlover

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I went into the mental hospital for psychosis "on the belief that" my ex humiliationship (where I was basically a cuck for 3 months) set me up for drug charges (her ass 100% did) and now I'm out and although I dodged a felony from running from the cops (his ass followed me 17 miles across 2 different counties before he tried pulling me over and I thought the motherfucker was an ICE agent) I'm just disillusioned to this world because I can't believe that somebody would actually go all that way to do all that bullshit, like why??? what's the point??? just because I didn't wanna get lovebombed??? this world wants to call me paranoid but fuck no, I know what I perceived and what I didn't and I know good and damn well that everything I perceive is true, either I'm misinformed about it or I believe one thing or the other about it. This life feels so pointless now, but even killing myself is pointless because I can't even remember what happened to me that fully caused my psychotic break, all I know is that now I notice everyone else in their own little world, but I hate the fact that I notice others because then I feel guilty about judging others when I too am just as shit a human being in the eyes of God, so why would I be hypocritical about other people? Maybe my problem is that I try to look at this shitty ass world through the eyes of God when I should be looking at it in a way that gives me an advantage, since it's very easy to point out other peoples flaws and exploit them, but I feel too much of a sense of guilt from doing so. I fucking hate myself and I feel overly pretentious over everything i do

no matter what I do and how I feel I know for a fact I'll never harm anybody seriously, and that's all I care about. I'll never rape nobody because I've heard so many stories about how deeply it affects other people, I'll probably never murder somebody
 
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How do you feel now
 
hope things get better for you
 
How do you feel now
content tbh, I just want to feel some sort of purpose in life and I hope that restarting school will give me a semblance of that purpose
 
dnr but congrats
 
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I went into the mental hospital for psychosis "on the belief that" my ex humiliationship (where I was basically a cuck for 3 months) set me up for drug charges (her ass 100% did) and now I'm out and although I dodged a felony from running from the cops (his ass followed me 17 miles across 2 different counties before he tried pulling me over and I thought the motherfucker was an ICE agent) I'm just disillusioned to this world because I can't believe that somebody would actually go all that way to do all that bullshit, like why??? what's the point??? just because I didn't wanna get lovebombed??? this world wants to call me paranoid but fuck no, I know what I perceived and what I didn't and I know good and damn well that everything I perceive is true, either I'm misinformed about it or I believe one thing or the other about it. This life feels so pointless now, but even killing myself is pointless because I can't even remember what happened to me that fully caused my psychotic break, all I know is that now I notice everyone else in their own little world, but I hate the fact that I notice others because then I feel guilty about judging others when I too am just as shit a human being in the eyes of God, so why would I be hypocritical about other people? Maybe my problem is that I try to look at this shitty ass world through the eyes of God when I should be looking at it in a way that gives me an advantage, since it's very easy to point out other peoples flaws and exploit them, but I feel too much of a sense of guilt from doing so. I fucking hate myself and I feel overly pretentious over everything i do

no matter what I do and how I feel I know for a fact I'll never harm anybody seriously, and that's all I care about. I'll never rape nobody because I've heard so many stories about how deeply it affects other people, I'll probably never murder somebody
Things will get better for you boss. Give yourself time to heal :dogArrive:
 
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