S
Sub --0
Iron
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2025
- Posts
- 47
- Reputation
- 35
This is just me venting so 90% will just DNR its fine.
I have always understood that life would be harder for me as a 5'8 ethnic (Middle Eastern). I had an idea that I wouldnt have it easy, but I was still somewhat hopeful for myself. I have recently come to self reflect that it is truly over for me. There is no chance. I am not even super ugly, but my close IPD is my biggest failo, and give me the "Indian" look, no offense at all. That would be used as an insult toward me. My other features such as skin tone are not "Indian" but that doesnt matter. At 18, I havent been close to a girlfriend or talking stage at all. Both my parents are 5'2 so I guess I am lucky to even be 5'8. I have had recent months of extreme depression in accepting the fact of it being truly over. Some people dont get what it being truly over means. I should have never been born. The only reason I am not suicidal is that my parents have done everything for me and I cant disappoint them. I mentioned a girl I was waiting for years to talk to since she had strict parents. Years of waiting just to finally be able to and get left on read. Come to find out she is going out to parties. The conservative "Chrisitan" girl. I have absolutely no motivation in this life at all. I just go to classes then back to my dorm to play 2k. My friends talk about girls all the time and I have no interest in joining their conversation. The heightpill is so brutal people on average are 6 feet at least.
I was raised religiously in a Christian household and I suppose I am a Chrisitan as well. I dont think I can label myself that anymore. The blackpill made me lose my faith. Some people will question how. The idea that someone could be born just to be a societal joke and have no hopes and dreams and never experience anything special and be treated poorly for their shit genetics disproves any loving God. 5'5 indian janitor is used as a joke for the worst of the worst. I am going to a Christian university that my parents wanted for me to go to, and its so crazy that that was the biggest factor in my rejection of God. Religion is simply a cover for human nature and can only hope to temporarily contain it. People treated you the same as a non religious person if you are ugly. Hypergamy is insanely rampant. Girls will as for a "tall, goodlooking" then finally "GOdly" man last. You can be so fucking perfomatively religious and no one cares if you look good. Ultamitely, if chad wants to fuck, it doesnt matter if you are Chrisitan, because he gets his way.
I have accepted being invisible. Its crazy that your life experience is solely based on the length of your legs and the bones in your face. Sometimes its almost comforting being invisible. I have become extremely introverted as a result of being bullied and made fun of. If you have been genetically blessed and your life is going well. just be kind to people around you man. People like me will never get to experience a loving gaze man. You guys will think im crazy but its not even the "incel" part that I hate. I dont even want sex, I just want to be loved man.
The one tiny bit of hope for the future is that since im at my bottom, I have nothing holding me back from surgery. I am going for a subcranial OBO, genio and rhino, and maybe LL one day. Obviously this is 100s of thousands and I am not delusional. THe OBO is EXTREMELY expensive and invasive, but I have nothing else to live for so if I am botched, I am not losing much. After college I am moving in with my parents and working, so I can funnel all my money to surgery. That is my only goal.
I have always understood that life would be harder for me as a 5'8 ethnic (Middle Eastern). I had an idea that I wouldnt have it easy, but I was still somewhat hopeful for myself. I have recently come to self reflect that it is truly over for me. There is no chance. I am not even super ugly, but my close IPD is my biggest failo, and give me the "Indian" look, no offense at all. That would be used as an insult toward me. My other features such as skin tone are not "Indian" but that doesnt matter. At 18, I havent been close to a girlfriend or talking stage at all. Both my parents are 5'2 so I guess I am lucky to even be 5'8. I have had recent months of extreme depression in accepting the fact of it being truly over. Some people dont get what it being truly over means. I should have never been born. The only reason I am not suicidal is that my parents have done everything for me and I cant disappoint them. I mentioned a girl I was waiting for years to talk to since she had strict parents. Years of waiting just to finally be able to and get left on read. Come to find out she is going out to parties. The conservative "Chrisitan" girl. I have absolutely no motivation in this life at all. I just go to classes then back to my dorm to play 2k. My friends talk about girls all the time and I have no interest in joining their conversation. The heightpill is so brutal people on average are 6 feet at least.
I was raised religiously in a Christian household and I suppose I am a Chrisitan as well. I dont think I can label myself that anymore. The blackpill made me lose my faith. Some people will question how. The idea that someone could be born just to be a societal joke and have no hopes and dreams and never experience anything special and be treated poorly for their shit genetics disproves any loving God. 5'5 indian janitor is used as a joke for the worst of the worst. I am going to a Christian university that my parents wanted for me to go to, and its so crazy that that was the biggest factor in my rejection of God. Religion is simply a cover for human nature and can only hope to temporarily contain it. People treated you the same as a non religious person if you are ugly. Hypergamy is insanely rampant. Girls will as for a "tall, goodlooking" then finally "GOdly" man last. You can be so fucking perfomatively religious and no one cares if you look good. Ultamitely, if chad wants to fuck, it doesnt matter if you are Chrisitan, because he gets his way.
I have accepted being invisible. Its crazy that your life experience is solely based on the length of your legs and the bones in your face. Sometimes its almost comforting being invisible. I have become extremely introverted as a result of being bullied and made fun of. If you have been genetically blessed and your life is going well. just be kind to people around you man. People like me will never get to experience a loving gaze man. You guys will think im crazy but its not even the "incel" part that I hate. I dont even want sex, I just want to be loved man.
The one tiny bit of hope for the future is that since im at my bottom, I have nothing holding me back from surgery. I am going for a subcranial OBO, genio and rhino, and maybe LL one day. Obviously this is 100s of thousands and I am not delusional. THe OBO is EXTREMELY expensive and invasive, but I have nothing else to live for so if I am botched, I am not losing much. After college I am moving in with my parents and working, so I can funnel all my money to surgery. That is my only goal.
