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Chasing Vanity
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Foid psychologist argues that feeling dislike or hatred towards your children is normal:
www.nbcnews.com
Quotes:
One manifestation of these feelings is women who are unhappy about being mothers and who dislike their children, at least some of the time. Psychological problems arise when they believe that these feelings are wrong and try to ignore them. Instead, it would be more useful for them to understand that these feelings are a normal and even healthy part of parenting.
According to society, and frequently their own beliefs, women are supposed to love their children and take pleasure in being moms at all times. But what's lovable about a temper-tantruming toddler, a whining 5-year-old or a hostile adolescent? And who in their right mind enjoys cleaning up a child's poop?
The interviews highlight the reality that many women who have chosen motherhood struggle with the painful realization that they do not always feel loving or even kindly disposed toward their children.
Anger, irritability and hatred, of course, are often symptoms of depression. So don't judge a mother's frustration, irritation and even hatred toward her children too harshly.
Favoritism and disfavoritism towards particular children among mothers is normal:
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Quotes:
The majority of mothers identified children whom they favored and children whom they disfavored. In terms of relational dimensions of differentiation, approximately three quarters of the mothers identified a particular child to whom they were most emotionally close (75.3%) and a particular child with whom they experienced the greatest conflict (74.3%). In terms of evaluative dimensions, approximately six in 10 mothers identified a child of whom they were the most proud (59.2%) and a child in whom they were the most disappointed (58.0%).
Perception of being a less favored child leads to substance abuse and delinquency:
psycnet.apa.org
Quotes:
For those in affectively intense families (high conflict and intimacy), youth who perceived less favorable treatment from their mother reported more delinquent behaviors. Adolescents from affectively mild families (low conflict and intimacy) who received less intimacy from their father relative to their sibling reported more delinquency, and those who perceived less favorable treatment from their mother were more likely to have used any substances or additional substances.
Youth who perceive that they are less favored by their mother may have a harmed self-concept. Poorer self-concept and associated stress may be linked to substance use as a method of coping.
Parents favor attractive children over unattractive children:
Quotes:
Harrell's findings are based on an observational study of children and shopping cart safety. With the approval of management at 14 different supermarkets, Harrell's team of researchers observed parents and their two to five-year-old children for 10 minutes each, noting if the child was buckled into the grocery-cart seat, and how often the child wandered more than 10 feet away. The researchers independently graded each child on a scale of one to 10 on attractiveness.
Findings showed that 1.2 per cent of the least attractive children were buckled in, compared with 13.3 per cent of the most attractive youngsters. The observers also noticed the less attractive children were allowed to wander further away and more often from their parents. In total, there were 426 observations at the 14 supermarkets.
"Attractiveness as a predictor of behaviour, especially parenting behaviour, has been around a long time," said Harrell, a father of five and a grandfather of three. "Most parents will react to these results with shock and dismay. They'll say, 'I love all my kids, and I don't discriminate on the basis of attractiveness.' The whole point of our research is that people do."
Opinion | What does it mean when a mom hates her kids?
No relationship is all good all the time. Understanding that is an important lesson for mothers and children alike.
www.nbcnews.com
Quotes:
One manifestation of these feelings is women who are unhappy about being mothers and who dislike their children, at least some of the time. Psychological problems arise when they believe that these feelings are wrong and try to ignore them. Instead, it would be more useful for them to understand that these feelings are a normal and even healthy part of parenting.
According to society, and frequently their own beliefs, women are supposed to love their children and take pleasure in being moms at all times. But what's lovable about a temper-tantruming toddler, a whining 5-year-old or a hostile adolescent? And who in their right mind enjoys cleaning up a child's poop?
The interviews highlight the reality that many women who have chosen motherhood struggle with the painful realization that they do not always feel loving or even kindly disposed toward their children.
Anger, irritability and hatred, of course, are often symptoms of depression. So don't judge a mother's frustration, irritation and even hatred toward her children too harshly.
Favoritism and disfavoritism towards particular children among mothers is normal:
My Pride and Joy? Predicting Favoritism and Disfavoritism in Mother-Adult Child Relations - PubMed
In this article, we compare predictors of mothers' differentiation among their adult children regarding emotional closeness, pride, conflict, and disappointment. We distinguish between predictors of relational (closeness, conflict) and evaluative (pride, disappointment) dimensions of favoritism...
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Quotes:
The majority of mothers identified children whom they favored and children whom they disfavored. In terms of relational dimensions of differentiation, approximately three quarters of the mothers identified a particular child to whom they were most emotionally close (75.3%) and a particular child with whom they experienced the greatest conflict (74.3%). In terms of evaluative dimensions, approximately six in 10 mothers identified a child of whom they were the most proud (59.2%) and a child in whom they were the most disappointed (58.0%).
Perception of being a less favored child leads to substance abuse and delinquency:
Log in - American Psychological Association
Quotes:
For those in affectively intense families (high conflict and intimacy), youth who perceived less favorable treatment from their mother reported more delinquent behaviors. Adolescents from affectively mild families (low conflict and intimacy) who received less intimacy from their father relative to their sibling reported more delinquency, and those who perceived less favorable treatment from their mother were more likely to have used any substances or additional substances.
Youth who perceive that they are less favored by their mother may have a harmed self-concept. Poorer self-concept and associated stress may be linked to substance use as a method of coping.
Parents favor attractive children over unattractive children:
Researchers Show Parents Give Unattractive Children Less Attention
A researcher at the University of Alberta has shown that parents are more likely to give better care and pay closer attention to good-looking children compared to unattractive ones. Dr. Andrew Harrell presented his findings recently at the Warren E. Kalbach Population Conference in Edmonton...
www.sciencedaily.com
Quotes:
Harrell's findings are based on an observational study of children and shopping cart safety. With the approval of management at 14 different supermarkets, Harrell's team of researchers observed parents and their two to five-year-old children for 10 minutes each, noting if the child was buckled into the grocery-cart seat, and how often the child wandered more than 10 feet away. The researchers independently graded each child on a scale of one to 10 on attractiveness.
Findings showed that 1.2 per cent of the least attractive children were buckled in, compared with 13.3 per cent of the most attractive youngsters. The observers also noticed the less attractive children were allowed to wander further away and more often from their parents. In total, there were 426 observations at the 14 supermarkets.
"Attractiveness as a predictor of behaviour, especially parenting behaviour, has been around a long time," said Harrell, a father of five and a grandfather of three. "Most parents will react to these results with shock and dismay. They'll say, 'I love all my kids, and I don't discriminate on the basis of attractiveness.' The whole point of our research is that people do."
