[part 1] my terrible coke addiction - relapsed again...

[Lust]

only positive is that i manage to last now 7-14 days usually without it. but it keeps wandering in my head. the addiction is real and i must beat it before it beats me.

unfortunately, boredom and even my mind making me think that doing coke activates my brain and helps me do many tasks while thinking clearly.

when i was younger, i used to be like "i tried all sorts of shit and i never got addicted, its all in your head". oh the irony

planning to document my addiction and battle against it here. i will also upload some recreational drug prevention, looksmaxxing interaction and other shit connected to them here on the forum.

biggest will probably be the tierlists with explanation on the damages caused by drugs to different sections (like skin, aging, brain damage, motivation etc etc)

stay tuned

 

[Lust]

i think a very important part in fighting the addiction is finding the root cause of it.

firstly i used to think that it is cool doing it, because it makes you look like you break the rules, you go hardcore and also makes you look luxurious and rich, because coke is more expensive than some weed or meth. however that turned out to be exactly the opposite - i only look cool to other drug addicts, who mainly like me with thinking that they could get closer to me and eventually make me give them that shit for free.

then maybe it is because of all the euphoria? not really. probably like 95% of the time im doing it home alone, not in a club or with someone. just purely because i was bored and lost to the urges. and the euphoria i get from it isnt even that strong for me imo or something that i really crave. i feel the uplifted mood pretty much on the same level seeing my muscles and proportions on a good pump in the gym.

i think i kinda connected doing the coke to me being productive. because when im doing it alone, i often start to feel guilt, so i try to compensate it by doing something productive. and in my case i do a lot of shit where i need to use my brain but normally i am lazy. like writing research papers for uni and shit. and not gonna lie, i usually make months worth job almost fully overnight while on coke. and it often ends up not even bad, rather above average in the evaluation.

big cause for that crave of production for me also is when i heard a good uni student sharing his experience, how he uses coke to do his shit and it helps him really good when dosed correctly and having full focus on the stuff he has to do. and since my brain is really strongly affectable by placebo shit or making me think that i do really need something and that it is not worth doing it without it, that really contributes to my addiction.

i also want to socialise really hard on it and usually do it somewhere online, like any place that i really stumble across and have higher level of interest, i write tons of shit (and tbh many even say that i write intelligent stuff with my thoughts being actually good and making sense) and this time i chose the forum

so in conclusion, i think the root cause may be the boredom, combined with my lack of discipline and laziness while being on coke forces my brain to be productive to combat the guilty feeling while on it.

TLDR: boredom probably no.1 reason im addicted, coke makes me productive in things like studying and researching shit, i turn into some kind of a robot even