D
Deleted member 5815
all fictional scenarios and social experiment
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2020
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Many of my thoughts and focus goes onto POIS because of its bipolar cyclical nature and direct impact on being able to enjoy/functionally do anything else, I am in a constant state of anxiety knowing if I have any orgasm or nocturnal emission my nofap marathon of temporary POIS free state will be over and I will again be in 5-7 days of mental agony, fever, headaches, hypertension, EXTREME fatigue state, barely able to read/enjoy/comprehend things and will have to go through another abstinence cycle until the next orgasm/nocturnal emission appears repeating the cycle from ground zero
I have deja vu and some degree of derealization at this point from chronic POIS, my life is almost the same cycle, formula, repetition, I sometimes feel like I am slowly going crazy especially the longer I abstain because while the symptoms decrease I know they will appear the moment I orgasm consciously or a nocturnal emission hits me
There is literally zero escape from POIS no matter what you do
I can barely even focus on any of my hobbies anymore cuz I constantly have high anticipatory anxiety due to realizing at any moment knowingly or unknowingly I could get hit by the terrible brain fog, fatigue POIS(Oned) state and that any projects or goals or plans I had arranged during the temporary freedom granted by the torturous abstinence could be completely trashed the moment I get hit by POIS again
So I do not work or study because there is no guarantee of safety and stability having this stupid disorder
I literally just NEET and to be honest I feel good about it, it is almost impossible to maintain consistent success or growth in any area when your primary functions like energy, cognitive complexity, memory, etc. are in a constant bipolar type of state with one day you having the ability to do lots of things and then the next day you being a complete wreck offputting everybody who comes in contact with you so I just ldar at home isolated under my blanket
Sometimes I even partially disassociate and spend just 1-2 hours mentally subconsciously feeling tension and anxiety about POIS, realizing how it could bite at any unexpected moment
So much of my time and energy has been wasted on dealing with this terrible draining disorder that I have not had much ability to actually live life it feels like I am in a constant survival mode
With the chronic cyclical nature of my symptoms I could probably qualify for a disability if it was possible to actually quantify POIS symptoms given that the casual blood tests do not bring cues to it and stuff like low energy, brain fog, cognitive changes is not visible from outside so to others you might seem 100% normal, stroke level blood pressure blamed on anxiety, blocked nose blamed on allergies, fevers blamed on a ''cold''
I feel lost, there is no point wasting money on worthless useless POIS treatments anymore, literal trashing of the money into the trashcan
I'm not able to sustain my identity and character due to intermittent reductions of cognitive ability , POIS is a recipe for lifelong disappointments and and regret , and no one can ever sympathize about that with us and to what extent its devastating its the scariest thing a person can ever have all I am is POIS and POIS is all I ever will be until I inevitably kill myself
I have deja vu and some degree of derealization at this point from chronic POIS, my life is almost the same cycle, formula, repetition, I sometimes feel like I am slowly going crazy especially the longer I abstain because while the symptoms decrease I know they will appear the moment I orgasm consciously or a nocturnal emission hits me
There is literally zero escape from POIS no matter what you do
I can barely even focus on any of my hobbies anymore cuz I constantly have high anticipatory anxiety due to realizing at any moment knowingly or unknowingly I could get hit by the terrible brain fog, fatigue POIS(Oned) state and that any projects or goals or plans I had arranged during the temporary freedom granted by the torturous abstinence could be completely trashed the moment I get hit by POIS again
So I do not work or study because there is no guarantee of safety and stability having this stupid disorder
I literally just NEET and to be honest I feel good about it, it is almost impossible to maintain consistent success or growth in any area when your primary functions like energy, cognitive complexity, memory, etc. are in a constant bipolar type of state with one day you having the ability to do lots of things and then the next day you being a complete wreck offputting everybody who comes in contact with you so I just ldar at home isolated under my blanket
Sometimes I even partially disassociate and spend just 1-2 hours mentally subconsciously feeling tension and anxiety about POIS, realizing how it could bite at any unexpected moment
So much of my time and energy has been wasted on dealing with this terrible draining disorder that I have not had much ability to actually live life it feels like I am in a constant survival mode
With the chronic cyclical nature of my symptoms I could probably qualify for a disability if it was possible to actually quantify POIS symptoms given that the casual blood tests do not bring cues to it and stuff like low energy, brain fog, cognitive changes is not visible from outside so to others you might seem 100% normal, stroke level blood pressure blamed on anxiety, blocked nose blamed on allergies, fevers blamed on a ''cold''
I feel lost, there is no point wasting money on worthless useless POIS treatments anymore, literal trashing of the money into the trashcan
I'm not able to sustain my identity and character due to intermittent reductions of cognitive ability , POIS is a recipe for lifelong disappointments and and regret , and no one can ever sympathize about that with us and to what extent its devastating its the scariest thing a person can ever have all I am is POIS and POIS is all I ever will be until I inevitably kill myself
