idealistsynth
Iron
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- Aug 4, 2025
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I just want to preface by saying that this doesn’t apply if you’re absurdly conventionally unattractive. Obviously, at the very minimum, you have to be average.
Something I noticed in friend circles as I got into upper secondary school is the guys that were very average in every aspects of “looks” having attractive nature to them. It was honestly kind of foreign to me at that point, I was taller and better looking, but people generally seemed to gravitate towards them more.
I ultimately came to the understanding what made them attractive wasn’t their appearance, rather than their presence. Rather than the popular misconception of this forum that this depends exclusively on being NT or ND, something I disagree with, “presence” is multifaceted.
The first aspect of presence is familiarity. When people are more familiar with others, they are obviously better liked, and also substantially more attractive. But wait, how does maintaining familiarity in a social environment result into attraction? Or getting girls? Social environments don’t have to be confined to gender-exclusive spaces or bummy hangouts with just other dudes. Finding a space where you can interact with a variety of people is the best environment for this concept to work. But reiterating back to familiarity, it’s the mere exposure effect. After all, we’ve all experienced the friend group situation when you’re “in” or not. Being in an environment repeatedly can also benefit your confidence, subsequently giving you the chance to be more charismatic. I think good ideas would be frequenting the same clubs, clubs, run groups, etc.
The second factor is behavioral realism. Yeah, you can be a HHTN, but if you don’t seem relatable or human in some ways, there isn’t too much room for attraction to grow. Gestures and expressions that mirror whatever the sentiment of the room is a good idea. This comes with time, you’ll have to get used to social cues, etc.
The third is being an affective presence. Ultimately, when you slightly glaze others or have a witty presence, you’re going to be liked. Being a sweet person in public is also attractive. If you look average, being sweet, familiar, and somewhat charismatic is enough to push you over the edge to get a crush. Not all crushes are instantaneous. Obviously, if you’re very good looking, you get this benefit, but others can grow with your presence and time.
I think body language is probably something other threads discuss in a lot more detail but it is another big factor of presence. It is oftentimes over complicated but just smiling, being relaxed, not too stiff, maintaining a slight angle with your head when making eye contact, or just sitting a slight angle are all good reminders.
I noticed when I emphasized and changed a lot of these things, it was much easier to have a larger role in social environments, and inevitably more girls were interested in me.
Something I noticed in friend circles as I got into upper secondary school is the guys that were very average in every aspects of “looks” having attractive nature to them. It was honestly kind of foreign to me at that point, I was taller and better looking, but people generally seemed to gravitate towards them more.
I ultimately came to the understanding what made them attractive wasn’t their appearance, rather than their presence. Rather than the popular misconception of this forum that this depends exclusively on being NT or ND, something I disagree with, “presence” is multifaceted.
The first aspect of presence is familiarity. When people are more familiar with others, they are obviously better liked, and also substantially more attractive. But wait, how does maintaining familiarity in a social environment result into attraction? Or getting girls? Social environments don’t have to be confined to gender-exclusive spaces or bummy hangouts with just other dudes. Finding a space where you can interact with a variety of people is the best environment for this concept to work. But reiterating back to familiarity, it’s the mere exposure effect. After all, we’ve all experienced the friend group situation when you’re “in” or not. Being in an environment repeatedly can also benefit your confidence, subsequently giving you the chance to be more charismatic. I think good ideas would be frequenting the same clubs, clubs, run groups, etc.
The second factor is behavioral realism. Yeah, you can be a HHTN, but if you don’t seem relatable or human in some ways, there isn’t too much room for attraction to grow. Gestures and expressions that mirror whatever the sentiment of the room is a good idea. This comes with time, you’ll have to get used to social cues, etc.
The third is being an affective presence. Ultimately, when you slightly glaze others or have a witty presence, you’re going to be liked. Being a sweet person in public is also attractive. If you look average, being sweet, familiar, and somewhat charismatic is enough to push you over the edge to get a crush. Not all crushes are instantaneous. Obviously, if you’re very good looking, you get this benefit, but others can grow with your presence and time.
I think body language is probably something other threads discuss in a lot more detail but it is another big factor of presence. It is oftentimes over complicated but just smiling, being relaxed, not too stiff, maintaining a slight angle with your head when making eye contact, or just sitting a slight angle are all good reminders.
I noticed when I emphasized and changed a lot of these things, it was much easier to have a larger role in social environments, and inevitably more girls were interested in me.
