Public bathrooms are a social experiment

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Ren Hoek

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Who designed public bathrooms? Were they trying to test human patience?

First of all, why does every stall have a one-inch gap around the door? Congratulations, you've invented the world's least private room. You sit there making eye contact with a stranger through the crack like you're in a hostage negotiation.

Then there's the automatic toilet. You haven't even sat down yet and WHOOSH! It flushes because you leaned forward two inches. Five seconds later it flushes again. By the time you're done it's used more water than a car wash.

The hand dryers? They're either so weak they couldn't dry a single raindrop, or they're powered by what sounds like a jet engine taking off. You're just trying to dry your hands, not prepare for liftoff.

And why is there always that one faucet with two settings: "arctic glacier" and "surface of the sun"? There is no comfortable middle ground.

Then someone walks into the bathroom talking on speakerphone. Why? Nobody on the other end wants to hear random toilet flushes echoing through the call.

Don't even get me started on the stall door locks. You slide that little latch over and immediately wonder, "Is this actually locked... or am I about to become tomorrow's embarrassing story?"

Finally, after surviving all of that, you wash your hands, dry them, and then realize... the exit door has a giant handle that every single person before you has touched. So now you're doing that awkward elbow-and-foot maneuver like you're escaping a crime scene.

Public bathrooms are one of the few places where everyone silently agrees: "Let's get in, accomplish the mission, and get out as quickly as possible."
 
As a kid I remember pissing in the sauna of a gym one time
 
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