Rage is over.

[MoggerGaston]

I called in sick for work, was literally crying and stressed out on my phone since my boss is a bitch and started acting bitchy about me not coming to work. And I had to hold back insane rage and emotion which resulted in crying.

Now 30 minutes later and I feel great and relaxed. The massive stress, pressure and rage is gone.

The stress of having to work, socialize and pretend to be happy, while having a shit life, is insane. Unlivable.

Gonna do drugs now and enjoy my evening tbh. I suffered so much today, cortisol peaking at insane levels all day.

 

[TechnoBoss]

Sometimes you gotta let it out and have a good cry bhai (but not infront of your gf teehee men should be strong)

 

[MoggerGaston]

Sometimes you gotta let it out and have a good cry bhai (but not infront of your gf teehee men should be strong)

its why I don't believe in LTRs.

Emotional/Social support should flow both ways, but women don't accept any 'emotional labor' (as the women love to call it)
It's like they expect your life to be close to perfect with minor issues, for you to never even have any real emotional needs to share.

Something like insecurity, low self-esteem due to being incel in the past, is something they would find disgusting. You should've either never been incel in the first place, or have magically fixed all your issues on your own already without any social emotional acceptance.

It's so fucking brutal.

 

[MoggerGaston]

wat movie is this from

 

[Lynxress]

wat movie is this from

Damn I remember listening to this banger on 2017

 

[TechnoBoss]

its why I don't believe in LTRs.

Emotional/Social support should flow both ways, but women don't accept any 'emotional labor' (as the women love to call it)
It's like they expect your life to be close to perfect with minor issues, for you to never even have any real emotional needs to share.

Something like insecurity, low self-esteem due to being incel in the past, is something they would find disgusting. You should've either never been incel in the first place, or have magically fixed all your issues on your own already without any social emotional acceptance.

It's so fucking brutal.

Relationships have always been transactional. Sad to say, but men just don't benefit from the "transaction" one bit. All they get to do is fuck a girl who's been fucked already by everyone else. LTR are a scam nowadays tbh.

Emotional/Social support should flow both ways, but women don't accept any 'emotional labor' (as the women love to call it)
It's like they expect your life to be close to perfect with minor issues, for you to never even have any real emotional needs to share.

Exactly. You are expected to be a rock. Stone cold. Nothing but stoic at all times. On top of that, you need to be physically strong.

You basically need to be perfect as a male in 2024.

 

[TsarTsar444]

I don't understand how can you cry, i wish i was able to when i am stressed or hurt, but its only anger or anxiety that increases instead. I do cry if its about some people close to me tho

 

[dopaminebeyondfried]

its why I don't believe in LTRs.

Emotional/Social support should flow both ways, but women don't accept any 'emotional labor' (as the women love to call it)
It's like they expect your life to be close to perfect with minor issues, for you to never even have any real emotional needs to share.

Something like insecurity, low self-esteem due to being incel in the past, is something they would find disgusting. You should've either never been incel in the first place, or have magically fixed all your issues on your own already without any social emotional acceptance.

It's so fucking brutal.

They want you to "open up" so they can use it against you and tell her friends your a pussy

 

[MoggerGaston]

Relationships have always been transactional. Sad to say, but men just don't benefit from the "transaction" one bit. All they get to do is fuck a girl who's been fucked already by everyone else. LTR are a scam nowadays tbh.


Exactly. You are expected to be a rock. Stone cold. Nothing but stoic at all times. On top of that, you need to be physically strong.

You basically need to be perfect as a male in 2024.

better/stronger male bonds to replace it I guess. But I find most male friendships in my life to have been extremely shallow and lackluster ngl.

 

[TechnoBoss]

better/stronger male bonds to replace it I guess. But I find most male friendships in my life to have been extremely shallow and lackluster ngl.

Men don't try to help each other anymore because it's a dog eat dog world, and men are weak nowadays. Modern men have a crabs in a bucket mentality, and anyone getting girls or doing better then them in life scares them. That's why you can't ever bring your GF around your male friends they will try to fuck her whenever they have a chance.

They will stab you in the fucking back the moment it benefits them.

 

[sub5c3l]

Damn I remember listening to this banger on 2017

was wondering where else I saw this , thank you mr curry

 

[Lynxress]

was wondering where else I saw this , thank you mr curry

 

[MoggerGaston]

I don't understand how can you cry, i wish i was able to when i am stressed or hurt, but its only anger or anxiety that increases instead. I do cry if its about some people close to me tho

I usually can't, I close myself off to most of my emotion most of the times.

When I feel anger, sadness, pain, grief, hurt, etc. my body only feels it as 'stress, pressure, anxiety.' And even those feelings are incredibly mild most of the time. Everything else of the feeling seems to be repressed and bottled away.

I had psychiatrists tell me that what I am doing is actually insane and not that common with patients. I can be talking about deep childhood abuse, explaining it in detail, and not show any real emotion whatsoever.

But sometimes I can let some of it through, usually with the help of drugs. Which is the reason why I do drugs as it helps me release pent-up emotion.
Last week I talked with a psychiatrist from a rehab center about this and she told me that releasing bottled up emotion is one of the distinct reasons why people use drugs. And it had her less worried about me being/becoming an addict as it's less common with that group.

Only in rare cases like today can I release some of this pent-up energy in some sort of way without drugs.

It's brutal emotional trauma tbh, mental damage. Brain-damage.

It makes me realize how little of life I actually experience in my day-to-day life because I hardly feel anything anymore.

Life is extremely grey, dull for me, has been for years. Nothing is memorable or leaves an impression in me anymore. My life just feels like a series of events you would read about in a book, without any real personal impact or emotional load.

 

[smoth]

i almost kms this week but now i feel amazing

 

[Deleted member 48689]

I called in sick for work, was literally crying and stressed out on my phone since my boss is a bitch and started acting bitchy about me not coming to work. And I had to hold back insane rage and emotion which resulted in crying.

Now 30 minutes later and I feel great and relaxed. The massive stress, pressure and rage is gone.

The stress of having to work, socialize and pretend to be happy, while having a shit life, is insane. Unlivable.

Gonna do drugs now and enjoy my evening tbh. I suffered so much today, cortisol peaking at insane levels all day.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Men don't try to help each other anymore because it's a dog eat dog world, and men are weak nowadays. Modern men have a crabs in a bucket mentality, and anyone getting girls or doing better then them in life scares them. That's why you can't ever bring your GF around your male friends they will try to fuck her whenever they have a chance.

They will stab you in the fucking back the moment it benefits them.

Very relatable.
I felt like my friends were only my friends due to convenience, just waiting for a moment where it was convenient to replace me with someone else.

You can't really even share anything with people like that, because they just don't give a fuck in the first place. They just want you around to play videogames or go on a holiday, cuz they ain't got nobody else and you are 'chill', or whatever.

They don't care about your life and they definitely don't want you to improve and leave them behind yourself like they would do with you.

 

[TechnoBoss]

Very relatable.
I felt like my friends were only my friends due to convenience, just waiting for a moment where it was convenient to replace me with someone else.

You can't really even share anything with people like that, because they just don't give a fuck in the first place. They just want you around to play videogames or go on a holiday, cuz they ain't got nobody else and you are 'chill', or whatever.

They don't care about your life and they definitely don't want you to improve and leave them behind yourself like they would do with you.

That's why you have to be friends with guys who are HTN+ usually they want to uplift people because their life is awesome already. They don't need to bring anyone else down to be happy.

And yes I agree tbh you cant share any secrets because the minute that person doesn't like you anymore, those secrets are gonna be brought up and used against you.

Sad to say but at the end of the day, no one really wants to see you do better than them.

 

[TsarTsar444]

I usually can't, I close myself off to most of my emotion most of the times.

When I feel anger, sadness, pain, grief, hurt, etc. my body only feels it as 'stress, pressure, anxiety.' And even those feelings are incredibly mild most of the time. Everything else of the feeling seems to be repressed and bottled away.

I had psychiatrists tell me that what I am doing is actually insane and not that common with patients. I can be talking about deep childhood abuse, explaining it in detail, and not show any real emotion whatsoever.

But sometimes I can let some of it through, usually with the help of drugs. Which is the reason why I do drugs as it helps me release pent-up emotion.
Last week I talked with a psychiatrist from a rehab center about this and she told me that releasing bottled up emotion is one of the distinct reasons why people use drugs. And it had her less worried about me being/becoming an addict as it's less common with that group.

Only in rare cases like today can I release some of this pent-up energy in some sort of way without drugs.

It's brutal emotional trauma tbh, mental damage. Brain-damage.

It makes me realize how little of life I actually experience in my day-to-day life because I hardly feel anything anymore.

Life is extremely grey, dull for me, has been for years. Nothing is memorable or leaves an impression in me anymore. My life just feels like a series of events you would read about in a book, without any real personal impact or emotional load.

I wrote a huge essay replay to this and accidentally deleted, its ogre

 

[TsarTsar444]

I usually can't, I close myself off to most of my emotion most of the times.

When I feel anger, sadness, pain, grief, hurt, etc. my body only feels it as 'stress, pressure, anxiety.' And even those feelings are incredibly mild most of the time. Everything else of the feeling seems to be repressed and bottled away.

I had psychiatrists tell me that what I am doing is actually insane and not that common with patients. I can be talking about deep childhood abuse, explaining it in detail, and not show any real emotion whatsoever.

But sometimes I can let some of it through, usually with the help of drugs. Which is the reason why I do drugs as it helps me release pent-up emotion.
Last week I talked with a psychiatrist from a rehab center about this and she told me that releasing bottled up emotion is one of the distinct reasons why people use drugs. And it had her less worried about me being/becoming an addict as it's less common with that group.

Only in rare cases like today can I release some of this pent-up energy in some sort of way without drugs.

It's brutal emotional trauma tbh, mental damage. Brain-damage.

It makes me realize how little of life I actually experience in my day-to-day life because I hardly feel anything anymore.

Life is extremely grey, dull for me, has been for years. Nothing is memorable or leaves an impression in me anymore. My life just feels like a series of events you would read about in a book, without any real personal impact or emotional load.

Tldr: same tbh, i only burst out on amphetamines. Being numb for trauma is a EE slavshit trait, dutchcels would get ptsd

 

[MoggerGaston]

That's why you have to be friends with guys who are HTN+ usually they want to uplift people because their life is awesome already. They don't need to bring anyone else down to be happy.

I agree. And I noticed this with myself as well when I was doing better, that you feel less hate, jealousy, etc. towards people around you. You just want them to have a nice life like you, instead of being afraid they will do better than you.

misery likes company.

I had better friends a couple years ago and they were far more relaxed and I could actually share some more details of my life with them and they with you.
But I would always feel deeply insecure when socializing with people that seemed to have their life together and were actually nice and chill to me.

I guess it stems from never being shown such a life by people close to me like my parents, brother etc. where the atmosphere was always toxic, violent, jealous and angry. I learned it from my failed abusive parents and now unless people treat me like shit, it makes me feel uneasy and anxious since it's something I never had in my youth.

It's brutal ngl, very very hard to break.


And yeah, these people were usually better looking as well. It's the ugliest people who have the shittiest lives usually. And therefore also get the shittiest personalities.

 

[MoggerGaston]

I wrote a huge essay replay to this and accidentally deleted, its ogre

try ctrl+z?

 

[marek937]

Very relatable.
I felt like my friends were only my friends due to convenience, just waiting for a moment where it was convenient to replace me with someone else.

You can't really even share anything with people like that, because they just don't give a fuck in the first place. They just want you around to play videogames or go on a holiday, cuz they ain't got nobody else and you are 'chill', or whatever.

They don't care about your life and they definitely don't want you to improve and leave them behind yourself like they would do with you.

U dont have friends u have acquaintances
Maybe if you are lucky ur family are ur real friends
If u have no value to offer u are ignored or worst case u are bullied

 

[fukmylyf]

op rn:

 

[MoggerGaston]

Tldr: same tbh, i only burst out on amphetamines. Being numb for trauma is a EE slavshit trait, dutchcels would get ptsd

EEs often seem like these cold, unemotional people. I guess that's also the way I am perceived.
But I think at least in my case, I used to be quite emotional as a child at least, and it got beaten out of me brutally as I went through my teens.

Idk if its caused mostly by genes or culture/environment though.
My own mother would tell me that 'depression, loneliness is just hormones in your brain, and if I ignore these feelings it will go away on its own'

absolute cagefuel advice that makes me extremely angry now. I can't fathom that you can tell your own kid which you love, shit like that.

When emotion are literally the best sign of your body, your brain, to tell you shit is not going well. Shit is not right. They are the LAST thing you should ignore, especially as a child/teen when you are in the most important time of your life where you are supposed to learn how to deal with feelings and emotions in a healthy way.

not repress them like some slavcel brute, so you can lead a shit life as an adult and cope with alcoholism/drugs. Thanks mom.

 

[MoggerGaston]

op rn:

feeling relieved and just snorted some mephedrone. feeling great rn ngl.

But I need to find better ways to deal with my pent up emotions instead of being high cortisol and stressed for 2 days until it becomes unbearable and it leads to some emotional outbreak. or drugs use.

 

[fukmylyf]

I don't understand how can you cry, i wish i was able to when i am stressed or hurt, but its only anger or anxiety that increases instead. I do cry if its about some people close to me tho

same here, even at my absolute worst. Been like this since I was 14. No matter how much i was mistreated or abused, people would never take my side because i didn't cry. They always assumed I was the bad guy in every situation. JFL at how easily manipulated most people are by tears. Even psychiatrists and police.

 

[MoggerGaston]

same here, even at my absolute worst. Been like this since I was 14. No matter how much i was mistreated or abused, people would never take my side because i didn't cry. They always assumed I was the bad guy in every situation. JFL at how easily manipulated most people are by tears. Even psychiatrists and police.

This is extremely relatable. I give off an extremely unlikable vibe in crucial moments, because I don't show the right emotions, while others do. Despite them not being any more right than me.
And did have those emotions inside of me, I would just be repressing them in the moment, trying not to show them.

its so fucked man, its one of the main reason why I rot and my life quality is garbage tbh

 

[Clown Show]

Life is extremely grey, dull for me, has been for years. Nothing is memorable or leaves an impression in me anymore. My life just feels like a series of events you would read about in a book, without any real personal impact or emotional load.

The only deep and arousing emotions that I feel are either extreme rage or depression. Nothing else touches me, I've become unreactive to my environment and external circumstances, while when I was a kid I was completely immersed in every sight, touch, smell and emotion that I felt.

This world and society have completely fried my brain.

 

[TsarTsar444]

EEs often seem like these cold, unemotional people. I guess that's also the way I am perceived.
But I think at least in my case, I used to be quite emotional as a child at least, and it got beaten out of me brutally as I went through my teens.

Idk if its caused mostly by genes or culture/environment though.
My own mother would tell me that 'depression, loneliness is just hormones in your brain, and if I ignore these feelings it will go away on its own'

absolute cagefuel advice that makes me extremely angry now. I can't fathom that you can tell your own kid which you love, shit like that.

When emotion are literally the best sign of your body, your brain, to tell you shit is not going well. Shit is not right. They are the LAST thing you should ignore, especially as a child/teen when you are in the most important time of your life where you are supposed to learn how to deal with feelings and emotions in a healthy way.

not repress them like some slavcel brute, so you can lead a shit life as an adult and cope with alcoholism/drugs. Thanks mom.

Its the mother part that i meant, this is some theme in the slavic matriarchal cuck culture where the mothers very especially want to make their male children devoid of emotions psychopathic numb ptsd victims. I wonder what is the background of this, probably to get the men used to being later abused brutally by society and women and just bottle it all up and not go eR on the whole town and therfore

 

[TsarTsar444]

same here, even at my absolute worst. Been like this since I was 14. No matter how much i was mistreated or abused, people would never take my side because i didn't cry. They always assumed I was the bad guy in every situation. JFL at how easily manipulated most people are by tears. Even psychiatrists and police.

Jfl this is exactly why i said i wish i could cry, its beyond infuriating how it just seems im actually turbo fine with catastrophic situations, but itsj just my insane pstd ridden brain from childhood and esrly teens that has learned to cope with brutalities like this and now cant express basic humans emotions that signal help to others, instead a protective mechanism of resembling a hibernating hermit in some cave to cool down a constant cycle of anger, stress and depression of this upped state.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Its the mother part that i meant, this is some theme in the slavic matriarchal cuck culture where the mothers very especially want to make their male children devoid of emotions psychopathic numb ptsd victims.

It's actually insane when I think of it like that. My mother was extremely against me ever showing emotion, in any situation. I had to act the way she wanted to, I had to feel like she wanted to, I had to like the things she wanted to.

My own emotions, wants, desires were entirely irrelevant, useless.

Also positive ones like cheerful happiness, joy. I remember being happy and smiling while at dinner with my parents, and my mother would literally attack me:

'Why are you smiling, are you laughing at me? You don't think you mother cooked you a nice dinner? Don't you see how much effort I am putting into this family and how much I work my ass off for you every day? Don't you have a single bit of gratitude in you for the life your mother sacrificed and is living for you?'

my smile and joy would quickly disapear. And this is me being a fucking 10 year old kid lmao.

It's pure brutal child-abuse that my mother has tried to gaslight me about till the moment I cut her off a couple years ago. Telling me that it was never that bad, that all parents treat their children like this, that I was weak and it was my own fault, that I should've handled my emotions better, that I didn't work hard enough as a kid. And so on.

It's actually insane how much I have repressed the fact I was brutally abused as a kid. And my dad would sit there at the same table and say nothing, just be quiet and let my mother scream at me. Afraid that my mother would target him next.

Fucking hell.

Every once in a while I get an insane urge, rage to pay my mother a visit and axe her down into pieces tbh.
But it would ruin my life and I would go to jail. I can't do it, maybe if I decide to kill myself I will go ER on her before I kill myself.

I wonder what is the background of this, probably to get the men used to being later abused brutally by society and women and just bottle it all up and not go eR on the whole town and therfore

I am not sure if it's that deep or that there is a any point into looking at it in such a deep, philosophical, evolutionary-psychology way.

at least in the case with my own mother, I believe it's generational trauma being passed on. I think she absolutely hated her own childhood and has hated her own adult life ever since too. And she releases that trauma by abusing her own children.

And my dad was the abuse-enabler letting her ravage me and my brother like that, because he also has his own trauma which has made him weak and enabling.

But I can't care about them at this point in my life anymore. I don't feel real connection or love towards them anymore, although there's still some abused part of me that still deeply seeks validation from them, but not from them directly. But probably in a way I look for love/validation in my current relationships/friendships now in an extremely unhealthy way. Which leave me lonely.

I am fighting for my own life at this point. They have destroyed enough and I don't know if they can even be saved at this point tbh. They are in their 60s. I need to leave them behind.

I don't know if I myself can even be saved anymore.
If this is just a case of accepting to live with deep pain for the rest of your life, or ending your life.

 

[Makeyousit]

My guy is depressed lolz

 

[Primalsplit]

It's actually insane when I think of it like that. My mother was extremely against me ever showing emotion, in any situation. I had to act the way she wanted to, I had to feel like she wanted to, I had to like the things she wanted to.

My own emotions, wants, desires were entirely irrelevant, useless.

Also positive ones like cheerful happiness, joy. I remember being happy and smiling while at dinner with my parents, and my mother would literally attack me:

'Why are you smiling, are you laughing at me? You don't think you mother cooked you a nice dinner? Don't you see how much effort I am putting into this family and how much I work my ass off for you every day? Don't you have a single bit of gratitude in you for the life your mother sacrificed and is living for you?'

my smile and joy would quickly disapear. And this is me being a fucking 10 year old kid lmao.

It's pure brutal child-abuse that my mother has tried to gaslight me about till the moment I cut her off a couple years ago. Telling me that it was never that bad, that all parents treat their children like this, that I was weak and it was my own fault, that I should've handled my emotions better, that I didn't work hard enough as a kid. And so on.

It's actually insane how much I have repressed the fact I was brutally abused as a kid. And my dad would sit there at the same table and say nothing, just be quiet and let my mother scream at me. Afraid that my mother would target him next.

Fucking hell.

Every once in a while I get an insane urge, rage to pay my mother a visit and axe her down into pieces tbh.
But it would ruin my life and I would go to jail. I can't do it, maybe if I decide to kill myself I will go ER on her before I kill myself.


I am not sure if it's that deep or that there is a any point into looking at it in such a deep, philosophical, evolutionary-psychology way.

at least in the case with my own mother, I believe it's generational trauma being passed on. I think she absolutely hated her own childhood and has hated her own adult life ever since too. And she releases that trauma by abusing her own children.

And my dad was the abuse-enabler letting her ravage me and my brother like that, because he also has his own trauma which has made him weak and enabling.

But I can't care about them at this point in my life anymore. I don't feel real connection or love towards them anymore, although there's still some abused part of me that still deeply seeks validation from them, but not from them directly. But probably in a way I look for love/validation in my current relationships/friendships now in an extremely unhealthy way. Which leave me lonely.

I am fighting for my own life at this point. They have destroyed enough and I don't know if they can even be saved at this point tbh. They are in their 60s. I need to leave them behind.

I don't know if I myself can even be saved anymore.
If this is just a case of accepting to live with deep pain for the rest of your life, or ending your life.

Holy shit

 

[emeraldglass]

I called in sick for work, was literally crying and stressed out on my phone since my boss is a bitch and started acting bitchy about me not coming to work. And I had to hold back insane rage and emotion which resulted in crying.

Now 30 minutes later and I feel great and relaxed. The massive stress, pressure and rage is gone.

The stress of having to work, socialize and pretend to be happy, while having a shit life, is insane. Unlivable.

Gonna do drugs now and enjoy my evening tbh. I suffered so much today, cortisol peaking at insane levels all day.

What kind of work do you do?

 

[MoggerGaston]

What kind of work do you do?

retail, direct customer contact explaining products and doing a lot of calculations on the spot to derive at prices for their personal situation/adjustment etc.

its not that hard but its reasonably specialized and pays reasonably well.

 

[fukmylyf]

It's actually insane when I think of it like that. My mother was extremely against me ever showing emotion, in any situation. I had to act the way she wanted to, I had to feel like she wanted to, I had to like the things she wanted to.

My own emotions, wants, desires were entirely irrelevant, useless.

Also positive ones like cheerful happiness, joy. I remember being happy and smiling while at dinner with my parents, and my mother would literally attack me:

'Why are you smiling, are you laughing at me? You don't think you mother cooked you a nice dinner? Don't you see how much effort I am putting into this family and how much I work my ass off for you every day? Don't you have a single bit of gratitude in you for the life your mother sacrificed and is living for you?'

my smile and joy would quickly disapear. And this is me being a fucking 10 year old kid lmao.

It's pure brutal child-abuse that my mother has tried to gaslight me about till the moment I cut her off a couple years ago. Telling me that it was never that bad, that all parents treat their children like this, that I was weak and it was my own fault, that I should've handled my emotions better, that I didn't work hard enough as a kid. And so on.

It's actually insane how much I have repressed the fact I was brutally abused as a kid. And my dad would sit there at the same table and say nothing, just be quiet and let my mother scream at me. Afraid that my mother would target him next.

Fucking hell.

Every once in a while I get an insane urge, rage to pay my mother a visit and axe her down into pieces tbh.
But it would ruin my life and I would go to jail. I can't do it, maybe if I decide to kill myself I will go ER on her before I kill myself.


I am not sure if it's that deep or that there is a any point into looking at it in such a deep, philosophical, evolutionary-psychology way.

at least in the case with my own mother, I believe it's generational trauma being passed on. I think she absolutely hated her own childhood and has hated her own adult life ever since too. And she releases that trauma by abusing her own children.

And my dad was the abuse-enabler letting her ravage me and my brother like that, because he also has his own trauma which has made him weak and enabling.

But I can't care about them at this point in my life anymore. I don't feel real connection or love towards them anymore, although there's still some abused part of me that still deeply seeks validation from them, but not from them directly. But probably in a way I look for love/validation in my current relationships/friendships now in an extremely unhealthy way. Which leave me lonely.

I am fighting for my own life at this point. They have destroyed enough and I don't know if they can even be saved at this point tbh. They are in their 60s. I need to leave them behind.

I don't know if I myself can even be saved anymore.
If this is just a case of accepting to live with deep pain for the rest of your life, or ending your life.

it's unbelievable how much we have in common. My family was exactly like this. They would threaten to beat me or call the cops if I cried as a child. The only difference is my brother and dad were more openly abusive, while my mom was the enabler/manipulator. I basically grew up with 3 abusive parental figures. My sister was the only person who was good to me.

And yeah both my parents were basically invisible in their own families, so they grew up to be miserable narcs. There is definitely some generational trauma in my family - almost everyone is mentally ill.

 

[MoggerGaston]

it's unbelievable how much we have in common. My family was exactly like this. They would threaten to beat me or call the cops if I cried as a child. The only difference is my brother and dad were more openly abusive, while my mom was the enabler/manipulator. I basically grew up with 3 abusive parental figures. My sister was the only person who was good to me.

how old is your brother? My brother also abused me, but he was only 2.5 years older and suffering hard too. Took out his frustration on me probably. Also don't have contact with him anymore since i never bonded with him because of that. I hate him a lot for what he did to me.

My mother would force a lot of emotions/thoughts on me and interfere with my life in every level. She would have commentary about all of my friends, the one she liked, the ones she didn't like. Tell me that they are bad people, jealous of me, I should ditch these friends. Etc. literally trying to micro-manage my social-life.
And these kids she called 'bad people' were just normal 8yo kids I was playing with outside lmao. Not drug users, thugs or bad influences or something. These 8yo friends would visit my house sometimes, she would act all nice, and then tell me to cut them off later once they were gone.
Even going as far as telling me that friend X and Y are no longer welcome at my house and they would be kicked out jfl.

Also hobbies, activities I was allowed to do. I was basically expected to ask for her permission. She would decide for me what I was allowed to do.
Clothing, she would buy. I remember getting gifts of friends on a birthday when I was 14yo, some graphic T-shirts with some cool stuff written on it. I liked wearing them instead of my mother's clothes.
My mother didn't like that and threw them away. Then pretended she never saw them and I must've lost them somewhere myself.

She would lie a lot, like literally non-stop about all the shit she was doing to us. Throwing away clothes, etc.

Force-feeding was also rampant. I had to eat insane amounts of food I didn't want to eat, and I would be constantly pressured if I didn't eat everything she gave me. Note that I was always a fat/obese kid, it's not like I had some eating/food problem lmao.

I have never met someone as mentally ill as her, but I am sure they exist but also pretend to be 'the best mom ever' just like she would do when people were over. Good impressions had to be made.

And yeah both my parents were basically invisible in their own families, so they grew up to be miserable narcs. There is definitely some generational trauma in my family - almost everyone is mentally ill.

Yup same here.

My family is filled with mental illness, alcohol abuse, suicide, etc. Even pedophilia. My grand-dad lost touch with most of my family when he was suspected of raping 2 nephews of mine under the age of 10. He always denied and there was never a criminal investigation or sentence, so idk what is true.

Most of it I never hear anything about as it is all shoved under a carpet and never talked about.

 

[MoggerGaston]

The only deep and arousing emotions that I feel are either extreme rage or depression. Nothing else touches me, I've become unreactive to my environment and external circumstances, while when I was a kid I was completely immersed in every sight, touch, smell and emotion that I felt.

Very relatable.
Sight, touch, smell, emotions, were so intense.

I was afraid of rollercoasters for example as a child, the whole experience was incredibly exciting to me to the point it gave me anxiety. Then I would go into the rollercoaster for the first time after pushing myself, realize it's actually incredibly cool etc.

I went to a rollercoaster park last year which I never went to before, and everything was so fucking boring and dull.

The whole experience, acceleration, movement, speed, excitement. It isn't there anymore. Literally 0 adrenaline, nothing.

Everything I feel/experience emotionally is completely gone. Even shit like smell, etc. I just don't care about anything anymore.

This world and society have completely fried my brain.

Very relatable.

I still have hope somewhere that some emotion can return in my life, but it's going to be very hard tbh.

Un-doing a lot of coping mechanisms you have implemented to deal with your life, fighting your ego which wants to prevent that, accepting that you have to start at a lower level than is expected of you at your age, re-experience some aspects of the world in a childish/immature way, etc.

Incredibly hard to do on your own tbh. I hope I can get some guidance with this at the ward I am going to.

 

[fukmylyf]

how old is your brother? My brother also abused me, but he was only 2.5 years older and suffering hard too. Took out his frustration on me probably. Also don't have contact with him anymore since i never bonded with him because of that. I hate him a lot for what he did to me.

My mother would force a lot of emotions/thoughts on me and interfere with my life in every level. She would have commentary about all of my friends, the one she liked, the ones she didn't like. Tell me that they are bad people, jealous of me, I should ditch these friends. Etc. literally trying to micro-manage my social-life.
And these kids she called 'bad people' were just normal 8yo kids I was playing with outside lmao. Not drug users, thugs or bad influences or something. These 8yo friends would visit my house sometimes, she would act all nice, and then tell me to cut them off later once they were gone.
Even going as far as telling me that friend X and Y are no longer welcome at my house and they would be kicked out jfl.

Also hobbies, activities I was allowed to do. I was basically expected to ask for her permission. She would decide for me what I was allowed to do.
Clothing, she would buy. I remember getting gifts of friends on a birthday when I was 14yo, some graphic T-shirts with some cool stuff written on it. I liked wearing them instead of my mother's clothes.
My mother didn't like that and threw them away. Then pretended she never saw them and I must've lost them somewhere myself.

She would lie a lot, like literally non-stop about all the shit she was doing to us. Throwing away clothes, etc.

Force-feeding was also rampant. I had to eat insane amounts of food I didn't want to eat, and I would be constantly pressured if I didn't eat everything she gave me. Note that I was always a fat/obese kid, it's not like I had some eating/food problem lmao.

I have never met someone as mentally ill as her, but I am sure they exist but also pretend to be 'the best mom ever' just like she would do when people were over. Good impressions had to be made.


Yup same here.

My family is filled with mental illness, alcohol abuse, suicide, etc. Even pedophilia. My grand-dad lost touch with most of my family when he was suspected of raping 2 nephews of mine under the age of 10. He always denied and there was never a criminal investigation or sentence, so idk what is true.

Most of it I never hear anything about as it is all shoved under a carpet and never talked about.

my brother is in his late 40s now. Imagine abusing your sibling who is 20 years younger jfl. He was always jealous of me because my mom and sister paid more attention to me when i was a baby, despite him clearly being the golden child. In his eyes I was spoiled, so he made my life hell. He was actually the catalyst for everything tbh. He would always insist that something was wrong with me, encourage my parents to beat me or restrict me from things i enjoyed, fight with them if they ever did anything nice for me (e.g. buy me gifts). Basically just did everything in his power to destroy my relationships. And ofc he also got physical, threatened me, and constantly eroded my self-esteem. He would steal and throw away my stuff like your mom did. Even sold my gaming system at a garage sale when i was at school. If there were no laws, I'd kill him in the most gruesome way imaginable.

And yeah my parents did the same thing. I wasn't allowed to have friends over or go to their place. They would try to tell me that other kids were a bad influence, that they were racist or dangerous, that i would get kidnapped if i played outside with them. Thankfully i didn't listen to their bullshit, so i still managed to have a decent childhood. Another thing they did is monitor my internet activity. It's one of the reasons I didn't use social media in high school, which obviously fucked me over later. They also shamed me for weird shit that was normal for other teens. Like if i listened to music or watched a movie with sexual content. Because of this I didn't feel comfortable listening to music around other people until my 20s. It was like some weird taboo activity. Probably one of the reasons I enjoy raving so much now.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Jfl this is exactly why i said i wish i could cry, its beyond infuriating how it just seems im actually turbo fine with catastrophic situations, but itsj just my insane pstd ridden brain from childhood and esrly teens that has learned to cope with brutalities like this and now cant express basic humans emotions that signal help to others, instead a protective mechanism of resembling a hibernating hermit in some cave to cool down a constant cycle of anger, stress and depression of this upped state.

extremely relatable.
I can be in catastrophic situations and try to act like I am all fine.
And people will not understand that my situation is actually extremely dire and in need of immediate help/solution due to my 'emotionless' attitude towards it.

It reminded me of this reel I watched of an Australian guy suffering from a flood:

The Australian on Instagram: "Jonesy, in Cape York Peninsula, Queensland, appeared relatively unfazed by waist-deep flood water surrounding him, replying “Yeah, nah, it’s all good,” when asked if he was alright. Credit: Gavin Dear via Storyful"

1M likes, 5,906 comments - the.australianDecember 19, 2023 on : "Jonesy, in Cape York Peninsula, Queensland, appeared relatively unfazed by waist-deep flood water surrounding him, replying “Yeah, nah,..."

www.instagram.com

Like this guy is literally suffering hard and in complete fucking shit. All his shit is fucked and he is just standing there without a care for his garbage situation, has repressed every emotion he has of his own negative situation.

I would be that guy in that situation as well. And it's sad because you suffer so much yourself, but you don't express any of it and keep it bottled up inside yourself. To the point you express more care about 'someone's dog' than your own fucking flood-victim life.

When I look at that Australian guy I see someone who is probably coping with his life with alcoholism.

Meanwhile the comments on that reel are all so fucking joyful and positive, they think this guy is just some 'good masculine tough guy'.
But they don't realize that guy probably hates his fucking life and copes with alcohol.

 

[APJ]

That's why you can't ever bring your GF around your male friends they will try to fuck her whenever they have a chance.

I used to do this with girls I was seeing but didn't give that much of a fuck about, I wanted to find out who the snakes were (answer: almost all male friends) as she'd inevitably tell me they tried it on when I left them alone for even a few minutes

 

[TechnoBoss]

I used to do this with girls I was seeing but didn't give that much of a fuck about, I wanted to find out who the snakes were (answer: almost all male friends) as she'd inevitably tell me they tried it on when I left them alone for even a few minutes

Most men are fucking traitorous slimeballs. They don't value friendship enough to not try to fuck your girlfriend if they have the SLIGHTEST chance of doing so.

 

[APJ]

Most men are fucking traitorous slimeballs. They don't value friendship enough to not try to fuck your girlfriend if they have the SLIGHTEST chance of doing so.

Fully agree. This is what people don't get when they ask why men dump all their emotional issues on their girlfriends/wives, women especially will ask "why don't they have understanding friends like we do?". Well...

 

[TechnoBoss]

Fully agree. This is what people don't get when they ask why men dump all their emotional issues on their girlfriends/wives, women especially will ask "why don't they have understanding friends like we do?". Well...

But you can't tell your girlfriend you don't have friends, so you're forced to lie because what girls wants to date someone who has no friends?

"Uhmm that's a red flag and you should get away from this potential abuser it's obvious he can't keep people in his life! He's a problem!"
is what your GFs friends would say to her.

And guess what? If you wanted to tell her the truth, that you can't have male friends because they're snakes who will try to fuck your GF, your GF will just make it negative again and think "Oh wow you really have trust issues, huh?" because they don't know the real truth.

Fucking sad. Can't win in this world in some situations.

 

[APJ]

And guess what? If you wanted to tell her the truth, that you can't have male friends because they're snakes who will try to fuck your GF, your GF will just make it negative again and think "Oh wow you really have trust issues, huh?" because they don't know the real truth.

I tell girls that my friends are "of convenience" because of the (rational) lack of trust, they look at me like I'm an alien. I'm too lazy to do impression management for someone who puts in next to zero effort to make sure I'm happy anyway.

 

[MoggerGaston]

But you can't tell your girlfriend you don't have friends, so you're forced to lie because what girls wants to date someone who has no friends?

"Uhmm that's a red flag and you should get away from this potential abuser it's obvious he can't keep people in his life! He's a problem!"
is what your GFs friends would say to her.

And guess what? If you wanted to tell her the truth, that you can't have male friends because they're snakes who will try to fuck your GF, your GF will just make it negative again and think "Oh wow you really have trust issues, huh?" because they don't know the real truth.

Fucking sad. Can't win in this world in some situations.

you need happy male friends who are in LTR

but they only befriend other happy male friends in LTRs.

over for truecels

 

[TechnoBoss]

you need happy male friends who are in LTR

but they only befriend other happy male friends in LTRs.

over for truecels

But isn't it sad that the only way I can stop men from trying to make moves on my girl is that they be in a commitment? And what happens if I made friends with these people and they break up with their GFs? Do I have to start worrying again? Too much hassle just to have someone who I can occasionally play vidya with or go to a bar/club with. True loyalty in ANYONE is hard to find.

It's over for everyone at this point (except chad ofc)

 

[MoggerGaston]

But isn't it sad that the only way I can stop men from trying to make moves on my girl is that they be in a commitment? And what happens if I made friends with these people and they break up with their GFs? Do I have to start worrying again? Too much hassle just to have someone who I can occasionally play vidya with or go to a bar/club with. True loyalty in ANYONE is hard to find.

It's over for everyone at this point (except chad ofc)

the type of people who have shit going for them in their lives, are happy, and are good-looking, will go from LTR to LTR. At best a few months in between relationships.
It's only ugly and unhappy people who get into yearlong dry-streaks tbh.

but yeah, it's basically fucked how worthless the average male friendship is honestly.
All you can do is treat it the way it is, and zone out if it emotionally yourself. It's so fucked man.

 

[TechnoBoss]

the type of people who have shit going for them in their lives, are happy, and are good-looking, will go from LTR to LTR. At best a few months in between relationships.
It's only ugly and unhappy people who get into yearlong dry-streaks tbh.

but yeah, it's basically fucked how worthless the average male friendship is honestly.
All you can do is treat it the way it is, and zone out if it emotionally yourself. It's so fucked man.

Those people who are happy, have accomplishments, and are good looking usually don't wanna hang around with abused dogs like me who don't go out. They usually are with people they work with, "friends" they've known since middle school, things like that. Very rarely will you make friends with someone with high enough social status & looks, etc to not have to worry about them trying things.

Atleast it's like that for me. Most people make a friend group in their school days, and keep a few of them around & make friends with coworkers. If you didn't keep any friends from school, don't have a job, don't go out, you aren't gonna meet those genuine friends. Only option is make friends with people who grew up around you if you've stayed in the same location.

Average friendships in general are so worthless. Friends are mostly for women. I just hope I have enough people I can call friends to where I can invite a good number of people to my wedding (if that even happens in the future jfl who knows at this point) and not have it only be family who show up.

Best to zone out I guess you're right.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Those people who are happy, have accomplishments, and are good looking usually don't wanna hang around with abused dogs like me who don't go out. They usually are with people they work with, "friends" they've known since middle school, things like that. Very rarely will you make friends with someone with high enough social status & looks, etc to not have to worry about them trying things.

Atleast it's like that for me. Most people make a friend group in their school days, and keep a few of them around & make friends with coworkers. If you didn't keep any friends from school, don't have a job, don't go out, you aren't gonna meet those genuine friends. Only option is make friends with people who grew up around you if you've stayed in the same location.

Average friendships in general are so worthless. Friends are mostly for women. I just hope I have enough people I can call friends to where I can invite a good number of people to my wedding (if that even happens in the future jfl who knows at this point) and not have it only be family who show up.

Best to zone out I guess you're right.

All we can do is try and get over mental illnesses, looksmax, get some accomplishments, try new hobbies, get out and meet new people, etc.

Befriend/Date on the way, but don't pour your energy into these people, but keep pouring it into yourself and improving. Upgrade to new friends, upgrade to a better girlfriend, etc.
Ditching your old friends you don't like anymore and don't fit your new lifestyle, ditch your girlfriend and upgrade to a better one.

Only way to play the game tbh. Gotta be selfish as fuck, but enjoy life as a journey.