Rate my opener for my incel novel - short opener

[FailedNormieManlet]

It's 9pm on a friday, I cannot remember the past 12 hours. I'm in my bed, and the xanax I had has worn off, I still feel slightly groggy but am still trying to get my bearings. If I recall, I had taken 2 bars of xanax maybe 3? Oh wait. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm pajeet, I'm a 5'5 indian, a currycel some may say. I have never touched a girl nor kissed a girl in all 20 years of my life, I am not angry though. I can't blame women for hating me, no one wants an unattractive partner. My life has been littered with failures and rejections, for bitterness is the only feeling I know. My bitterness is towards myself, amor fati they say. But I cannot be a lover of my fate, there is nothing good about my life currently. The past 12 hours high on xanax was bliss, it's a shame it's worn off.

I decide to sit down on my computer chair and turn on my pc, the fan blaring and the harsh blue light of the screen blinding my eyes, I open my web browser and start typing "looksmax.org". Home at last....

 

[FailedNormieManlet]

tagging
@Vermilioncore @gogger

 

[Vermilioncore]

Looks good

 

[FailedNormieManlet]

Looks good

I'll change the age to 30 to use your storyline about the teacher jfl

 

[Sny]

It's 9pm on a friday, I cannot remember the past 12 hours. I'm in my bed, and the xanax I had has worn off, I still feel slightly groggy but am still trying to get my bearings. If I recall, I had taken 2 bars of xanax maybe 3? Oh wait. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm pajeet, I'm a 5'5 indian, a currycel some may say. I have never touched a girl nor kissed a girl in all 20 years of my life, I am not angry though. I can't blame women for hating me, no one wants an unattractive partner. My life has been littered with failures and rejections, for bitterness is the only feeling I know. My bitterness is towards myself, amor fati they say. But I cannot be a lover of my fate, there is nothing good about my life currently. The past 12 hours high on xanax was bliss, it's a shame it's worn off.

I decide to sit down on my computer chair and turn on my pc, the fan blaring and the harsh blue light of the screen blinding my eyes, I open my web browser and start typing "looksmax.org". Home at last....

Incel tier writing "It's 9pm on a friday," sounds like something you would write when your teacher asks you to write a story.

 

[Deleted member 19499]

Looking good so far, OP.

 

[Vermilioncore]

I'll change the age to 30 to use your storyline about the teacher jfl

Please do

 

[FailedNormieManlet]

Incel tier writing "It's 9pm on a friday," sounds like something you would write when your teacher asks you to write a story.

it's a work in progress

 

[Ritalincel]

Looks good

 

[FailedNormieManlet]

View attachment 1679403

is this sissy hypno?

 

[Vermilioncore]

View attachment 1679403

Vortex shit innit

 

[Gonthar]

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Deleted member 18244]

It's 9pm on a friday,

No

I open my web browser and start typing "looksmax.org". Home at last....

No

If srs delete these instantly and any other lines where you try to sound like a Guy Ritchie character. Outline your plot, write something basic but tight, put it in past tense, fine keep 1st person if you want, and keep redrafting