School=holy suifuel for autists

[lawrence..992]

I hate whenever I look around in class and I see the 6’0 normal looking kid being able to just chat away with the girls in the class even tho they’ve never heard of looks maxing in their lives or spent hours researching indiamart meds to lower inhib. I can’t have a normal conversation. Every thing I ever say is preplanned in my brain. I literally have to like fully think through my sentences and what makes most logical sense to say before I speak. Watching normal kids flow through convos naturally fills me with so much indescribable envy and malice.
About a week ago we had to do this bingo thing in ela class where we had to ask people if they knew the vocab word and could sign it off and i got so sweaty (which is what happens when I get extremely anxious) from just the thought of asking randos questions. I just grabbed my backpack and left when the teacher looked away.
I can’t form normal relationships either. One time a girl was yelling at me in front of her friends because I didn’t know I was supposed to hold her hand there. Later that same night the other couple we were with was laughing and chatting and my date was just sitting silently while I had no idea how to strike a normal conversation. god I wanted to fucking end myself.
Soon, ile be getting pregab and adderall, as well as ghk cu and mt2 to fix some of my face which is one of the biggest sources of my anxiety. Hopefully all that will boost my confidence and lower inhib and then ile feel human finally. Rant over boyos

 

[negative]

It's because you don't live a healthy life

 

[lawrence..992]

It's because you don't live a healthy life

No one on this forum does

 

[cola_maxxing]

I hate whenever I look around in class and I see the 6’0 normal looking kid being able to just chat away with the girls in the class even tho they’ve never heard of looks maxing in their lives or spent hours researching indiamart meds to lower inhib. I can’t have a normal conversation. Every thing I ever say is preplanned in my brain. I literally have to like fully think through my sentences and what makes most logical sense to say before I speak. Watching normal kids flow through convos naturally fills me with so much indescribable envy and malice.
About a week ago we had to do this bingo thing in ela class where we had to ask people if they knew the vocab word and could sign it off and i got so sweaty (which is what happens when I get extremely anxious) from just the thought of asking randos questions. I just grabbed my backpack and left when the teacher looked away.
I can’t form normal relationships either. One time a girl was yelling at me in front of her friends because I didn’t know I was supposed to hold her hand there. Later that same night the other couple we were with was laughing and chatting and my date was just sitting silently while I had no idea how to strike a normal conversation. god I wanted to fucking end myself.
Soon, ile be getting pregab and adderall, as well as ghk cu and mt2 to fix some of my face which is one of the biggest sources of my anxiety. Hopefully all that will boost my confidence and lower inhib and then ile feel human finally. Rant over boyos

Relatable, like, I actually relate to this. I envy NT people who are naturally good looking, because when I’m surrounded by girls, im trying to figure out how to react already. But when it’s someone who’s “funny,” someone that’s good looking already, he’s easy with the girls. Im not. There’s a huge difference

Same thing for planning things out already. Like, I feel like I talked to myself more than talking to everyone when adding all the numbers up. I hate it when I act like a dork, I’ll never fit in

To be honest, just forcing myself to be normal and low inhib makes me feel different but it’s also good. Nootropics is also a solution if u need, by the way.