"Semen Retention" = no sex life. The joke writes itself

[Seth Walsh]

1/ There is something uniquely brutal about conspicuously posting about “semen retention.”

Because the entire premise requires you to announce publicly:

“I am currently not ejaculating.”

2/ And once you announce it, everyone immediately has the same forbidden thought:

Is this actually discipline…

or has involuntary circumstance simply been reclassified as a spiritual practice?

3/ That’s the problem with semen-retention posting.

Nobody can verify the counterfactual.

You might be rejecting endless sexual opportunities with monk-like discipline.

You might also just be having an extremely quiet month.

Same tweet either way.

4/ It becomes even funnier when the content gets extremely serious.

“Day 37. Mental clarity is insane. Energy through the roof.”

Brother, there is another possible explanatory variable here.

5/ The conspicuousness is what kills it.

You could simply retain the semen.

Privately.

Silently.

Nobody needs quarterly reporting.

6/ Imagine publicly announcing any equivalent biological non-event.

“Proud to report another week without vomiting.”

“Day 22 without sneezing.”

Nobody asked for the KPI.

7/ And the language always turns an absence into an asset.

Not having sex becomes:

• discipline
• masculine energy
• dopamine restoration
• spiritual ascension
• competitive advantage

An extraordinary amount of financial engineering applied to one’s own balls.

8/ Again: maybe it genuinely helps some people.

But the moment you repeatedly broadcast it, you create the funniest possible ambiguity:

Are you abstaining from sex?

Or are you simply experiencing abstinence?

9/ Some achievements become less impressive the more urgently you need everyone to know about them.

Semen retention may be the purest example.

The highest-status version is surely retaining without issuing investor updates.

 

[sonic55555]

the mythical seth walsh. hows the STONKS treating you?

 

[Seth Walsh]

the mythical seth walsh. hows the STONKS treating you?

Treating me OK - thanks for asking SIR

 

[-joe]

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1/ There is something uniquely brutal about conspicuously posting about “semen retention.”

Because the entire premise requires you to announce publicly:

“I am currently not ejaculating.”

2/ And once you announce it, everyone immediately has the same forbidden thought:

Is this actually discipline…

or has involuntary circumstance simply been reclassified as a spiritual practice?

3/ That’s the problem with semen-retention posting.

Nobody can verify the counterfactual.

You might be rejecting endless sexual opportunities with monk-like discipline.

You might also just be having an extremely quiet month.

Same tweet either way.

4/ It becomes even funnier when the content gets extremely serious.

“Day 37. Mental clarity is insane. Energy through the roof.”

Brother, there is another possible explanatory variable here.

5/ The conspicuousness is what kills it.

You could simply retain the semen.

Privately.

Silently.

Nobody needs quarterly reporting.

6/ Imagine publicly announcing any equivalent biological non-event.

“Proud to report another week without vomiting.”

“Day 22 without sneezing.”

Nobody asked for the KPI.

7/ And the language always turns an absence into an asset.

Not having sex becomes:

• discipline
• masculine energy
• dopamine restoration
• spiritual ascension
• competitive advantage

An extraordinary amount of financial engineering applied to one’s own balls.

8/ Again: maybe it genuinely helps some people.

But the moment you repeatedly broadcast it, you create the funniest possible ambiguity:

Are you abstaining from sex?

Or are you simply experiencing abstinence?

9/ Some achievements become less impressive the more urgently you need everyone to know about them.

Semen retention may be the purest example.

The highest-status version is surely retaining without issuing investor updates.

This makes me wanna jerk off tbh

 

[Seth Walsh]

"full moon on semen retention" is where it just crosses the line

 

[sonic55555]

Treating me OK - thanks for asking SIR

Yw. Glad to hear it, hoping I can borrow 1 mil when you make it big

 

[Seth Walsh]

Yw. Glad to hear it, hoping I can borrow 1 mil when you make it big

I'll fit you in and make you a good servant

 

[sonic55555]

I'll fit you in and make you a good servant

Sounds like a win to me!

 

[оrg]

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1/ There is something uniquely brutal about conspicuously posting about “semen retention.”

Because the entire premise requires you to announce publicly:

“I am currently not ejaculating.”

2/ And once you announce it, everyone immediately has the same forbidden thought:

Is this actually discipline…

or has involuntary circumstance simply been reclassified as a spiritual practice?

3/ That’s the problem with semen-retention posting.

Nobody can verify the counterfactual.

You might be rejecting endless sexual opportunities with monk-like discipline.

You might also just be having an extremely quiet month.

Same tweet either way.

4/ It becomes even funnier when the content gets extremely serious.

“Day 37. Mental clarity is insane. Energy through the roof.”

Brother, there is another possible explanatory variable here.

5/ The conspicuousness is what kills it.

You could simply retain the semen.

Privately.

Silently.

Nobody needs quarterly reporting.

6/ Imagine publicly announcing any equivalent biological non-event.

“Proud to report another week without vomiting.”

“Day 22 without sneezing.”

Nobody asked for the KPI.

7/ And the language always turns an absence into an asset.

Not having sex becomes:

• discipline
• masculine energy
• dopamine restoration
• spiritual ascension
• competitive advantage

An extraordinary amount of financial engineering applied to one’s own balls.

8/ Again: maybe it genuinely helps some people.

But the moment you repeatedly broadcast it, you create the funniest possible ambiguity:

Are you abstaining from sex?

Or are you simply experiencing abstinence?

9/ Some achievements become less impressive the more urgently you need everyone to know about them.

Semen retention may be the purest example.

The highest-status version is surely retaining without issuing investor updates.

You should post on OFFTOPIC more

 

[Alienmaxxer]

Youre right but i would have preferred it without the corporate ai writing

 

[Seth Walsh]

Youre right but i would have preferred it without the corporate ai writing

brother your profile looks like the final boss of 2009 internet forums, I’m not taking editorial notes from you

 

[оrg]

brother your profile looks like the final boss of 2009 internet forums, I’m not taking editorial notes from you

 

[GonorrhoeaGobbler]

A healthy sex life involves sex

I guess it's better than being a basementcel jerking off to tranny porn, most of the advantages are there
Going outside and jerking off to your colleagues is fine

 

[CheezyPoof]

I don’t get how this can give people mental clarity . I don’t even watch porn but occasionally I don’t think it’s weird to jack it so you don’t build up the tension you know. Longest I did without from what I can remember is two months and it makes you think of sex all the time. And I’m not even a very sexual person, I have very low sex drive.

 

[Alienmaxxer]

I don’t get how this can give people mental clarity . I don’t even watch porn but occasionally I don’t think it’s weird to jack it so you don’t build up the tension you know. Longest I did without from what I can remember is two months and it makes you think of sex all the time. And I’m not even a very sexual person, I have very low sex drive.

It does completely the opposite of it’s purported benefit, it’s completely retarded. Hence why the people are always thinking and posting about it.