1up
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In the morning, I took my Adderall for the first time. I used to be on dextroamphetamine when I was like 6–9, so taking Adderall was scary, although I should’ve already been used to stimulants.
Anyways, I took one cap. It’s 10 mg. I didn’t think much of it. Then I decided, “Oh, I’mma eat. I haven’t eaten breakfast.” So I ate leftovers from yesterday. As I’m eating, in my brain, all of my thoughts are all over the place. I’m panicking. I need to buy a charger because I lost mine, and I have no money currently because I blew it when I hung out with my friends. Also, I want to sell some AirPods I bought yesterday, and much more.
My room’s a mess. I’m overthinking. I’m overwhelmed by my own thoughts, and I completely forgot I took my Adderall already. Like the fucking idiot I am, I took another one. Then I said, “Fuck, I could’ve sworn I took one already.” I counted them, and I did, in fact, take two caps. But at 10 mg, it’s harmless, I’d say. Still, I fucking panicked so hard.
I found leftover money and went to Target on foot. It’s like one hour away. I took buses and the train to get there, so as I left, I grabbed an orange and headed out. Although I was still very paranoid and scared, I slowly started to get calm, but then my anxiety skyrocketed through the fucking roof, and that cycle continued for about 25–40 minutes.
Then, when I got off the bus to get on the train, I felt as if all my thoughts got organized. I felt confident, relaxed, happy, and things shifted to being amazing. For once, I had a clear mind. What I mean by “clear mind” is that my thoughts weren’t all over the place and so on.
When I got home, I cleaned my whole room. I just got done cleaning it, actually, and it is 3:42 AM. It’s spotless. There are no stains anywhere. I cleaned everything and reorganized every single thing in my room, from my closet to my bathroom. It’s so clean and peaceful. For once, I don’t have a messy room.
I’m also using AI to fix my grammar because my grammar isn’t perfect. It’s meh, to be honest, but with these meds, I will learn to perfect my grammar and handwriting. As in, my letters—I want my writing to be perfect and readable. Also, I will relearn multiplication. Yes, I’m stupid. Laugh all you want. It’s my fault, and I need to take full responsibility for it.
When I was a kid, I never liked learning, so I just zoned out or fell asleep in class. Plus, I had no help at home. My mom was pretty fucking stupid and didn’t understand English, so things were rough. But it’s whatever. I’ll change everything about myself. I’ll become a better man. I want to be able to socialize and make new friends, although I have a small group. It’s very rare that they talk to me.
anyways goodnight niggas today was a good day I hope tomorrow is even better then today that goes for all of you reading this regardless if you reply to this saying “dnr” later
Anyways, I took one cap. It’s 10 mg. I didn’t think much of it. Then I decided, “Oh, I’mma eat. I haven’t eaten breakfast.” So I ate leftovers from yesterday. As I’m eating, in my brain, all of my thoughts are all over the place. I’m panicking. I need to buy a charger because I lost mine, and I have no money currently because I blew it when I hung out with my friends. Also, I want to sell some AirPods I bought yesterday, and much more.
My room’s a mess. I’m overthinking. I’m overwhelmed by my own thoughts, and I completely forgot I took my Adderall already. Like the fucking idiot I am, I took another one. Then I said, “Fuck, I could’ve sworn I took one already.” I counted them, and I did, in fact, take two caps. But at 10 mg, it’s harmless, I’d say. Still, I fucking panicked so hard.
I found leftover money and went to Target on foot. It’s like one hour away. I took buses and the train to get there, so as I left, I grabbed an orange and headed out. Although I was still very paranoid and scared, I slowly started to get calm, but then my anxiety skyrocketed through the fucking roof, and that cycle continued for about 25–40 minutes.
Then, when I got off the bus to get on the train, I felt as if all my thoughts got organized. I felt confident, relaxed, happy, and things shifted to being amazing. For once, I had a clear mind. What I mean by “clear mind” is that my thoughts weren’t all over the place and so on.
When I got home, I cleaned my whole room. I just got done cleaning it, actually, and it is 3:42 AM. It’s spotless. There are no stains anywhere. I cleaned everything and reorganized every single thing in my room, from my closet to my bathroom. It’s so clean and peaceful. For once, I don’t have a messy room.
I’m also using AI to fix my grammar because my grammar isn’t perfect. It’s meh, to be honest, but with these meds, I will learn to perfect my grammar and handwriting. As in, my letters—I want my writing to be perfect and readable. Also, I will relearn multiplication. Yes, I’m stupid. Laugh all you want. It’s my fault, and I need to take full responsibility for it.
When I was a kid, I never liked learning, so I just zoned out or fell asleep in class. Plus, I had no help at home. My mom was pretty fucking stupid and didn’t understand English, so things were rough. But it’s whatever. I’ll change everything about myself. I’ll become a better man. I want to be able to socialize and make new friends, although I have a small group. It’s very rare that they talk to me.
anyways goodnight niggas today was a good day I hope tomorrow is even better then today that goes for all of you reading this regardless if you reply to this saying “dnr” later
