enchanted_elixir
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Disclaimer, I feel terrible about this and I instantly broke down into tears when I was told this.
I have no problems making or maintaining friendships with girls, or people in general, for the most part. The only real problem is that without me initiating things, I wouldn't have friends. Its as soon as I am interested in someone this becomes a problem. Its hard to describe so let me play out a scenario. This is a reoccurring problem.
Say I meet a girl and we hit it off exchange numbers and so on. A few days later I send a text saying something along the lines of "Hey, how is it going? I really enjoyed chatting with you the other night, and am wondering if you would like to grab lunch or coffee sometime?". I get no response and move on with life. A few days later I get a text that reads "this is Marcy's friend, brad, do not contact her again, you are creeping her out, quit being so desperate."
A recent example: I know a girl who I worked with in college and we hit it off really well and I ran into her a few months ago and she mentioned wanting to finally go on a hike or climb with me. Life gets busy, we text on and off, and so on. I work to plan something and invite her along, she declines because she is busy but says she wants to make something work. A few weeks later, I bring it up again. of course she declines but chats a bit. I am now knowing not to push boundaries and move on. A few days ago, a I see a mutual friend and he tells me, again that I am really creeping her out. This is when I broke down when I broke down.
I can handle rejection, but I am obviously missing some key social points that I missed out on in my teen years. I am always told by my friends that they want the guy to take initiative and since no one ever contacts me first I assumed this was the case so I initiate. But apparently initiating is the same as being creepy and desperate?
So I come to ask you, I feel terrible about this and want to change, I just need guidance as to how?
Thank you.
I have no problems making or maintaining friendships with girls, or people in general, for the most part. The only real problem is that without me initiating things, I wouldn't have friends. Its as soon as I am interested in someone this becomes a problem. Its hard to describe so let me play out a scenario. This is a reoccurring problem.
Say I meet a girl and we hit it off exchange numbers and so on. A few days later I send a text saying something along the lines of "Hey, how is it going? I really enjoyed chatting with you the other night, and am wondering if you would like to grab lunch or coffee sometime?". I get no response and move on with life. A few days later I get a text that reads "this is Marcy's friend, brad, do not contact her again, you are creeping her out, quit being so desperate."
A recent example: I know a girl who I worked with in college and we hit it off really well and I ran into her a few months ago and she mentioned wanting to finally go on a hike or climb with me. Life gets busy, we text on and off, and so on. I work to plan something and invite her along, she declines because she is busy but says she wants to make something work. A few weeks later, I bring it up again. of course she declines but chats a bit. I am now knowing not to push boundaries and move on. A few days ago, a I see a mutual friend and he tells me, again that I am really creeping her out. This is when I broke down when I broke down.
I can handle rejection, but I am obviously missing some key social points that I missed out on in my teen years. I am always told by my friends that they want the guy to take initiative and since no one ever contacts me first I assumed this was the case so I initiate. But apparently initiating is the same as being creepy and desperate?
So I come to ask you, I feel terrible about this and want to change, I just need guidance as to how?
Thank you.
