Gajjo
2tired2care
- Joined
- May 6, 2026
- Posts
- 445
- Reputation
- 534
I honestly have no idea why am I posting this, maybe looking for people who are in a simmilar situation or maybe just for that tiny bit of understanding yall here always showed me in the past. Anyways, some back story before I begin.
I have always been a loner, not really good with social interactions sticking to 1 or 2 people only. In the recent years when all of my conditions kept getting worse (probably because depression joined my pokedex) I started isolating myself more and more reaching a point where literally no one talks to me on a daily basis. I still upkeep 2 very good friends but I think they understood without needing me to say it, that I’m not that type of a friend that will respond to messages or text them everyday. This has caused many issues with my parents because ofcourse I have trouble maintaining a relationship with them but whatever that’s a story for a diffrent post.
Now to the topic, as I said in the title social isolation seems to be what is stopping me from roping. I’ve noticed throughout my life that whenever I get more friends or (unlikely) a girlfriend (or a talking stage wtv) everything starts to get worse with time. I start ghosting people because I’m too tired to talk with them, then I feel guilty and bad because that’s not who I am and I wanna be there for people and in worst cases I get my heartbroken and all of that leads to me getting back from just casually thinking about rope to ranked thinking about rope.
And the problems that come with it. I really crave having people around me, a girlfriend and just feeling good but idk why I can’t. Any girl that shows me affection I push away after like 3 months (now it’s getting to the point of 2 weeks) of the relationship because I’m just so mentally tired. One little thing they do that hurts me in someway I push them away (even friends). I really want to be normal how do I stop being idk I guess scared of relationships??? It’s a circle that after each cycle pushes me a bit closer to the edge.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have always been a loner, not really good with social interactions sticking to 1 or 2 people only. In the recent years when all of my conditions kept getting worse (probably because depression joined my pokedex) I started isolating myself more and more reaching a point where literally no one talks to me on a daily basis. I still upkeep 2 very good friends but I think they understood without needing me to say it, that I’m not that type of a friend that will respond to messages or text them everyday. This has caused many issues with my parents because ofcourse I have trouble maintaining a relationship with them but whatever that’s a story for a diffrent post.
Now to the topic, as I said in the title social isolation seems to be what is stopping me from roping. I’ve noticed throughout my life that whenever I get more friends or (unlikely) a girlfriend (or a talking stage wtv) everything starts to get worse with time. I start ghosting people because I’m too tired to talk with them, then I feel guilty and bad because that’s not who I am and I wanna be there for people and in worst cases I get my heartbroken and all of that leads to me getting back from just casually thinking about rope to ranked thinking about rope.
And the problems that come with it. I really crave having people around me, a girlfriend and just feeling good but idk why I can’t. Any girl that shows me affection I push away after like 3 months (now it’s getting to the point of 2 weeks) of the relationship because I’m just so mentally tired. One little thing they do that hurts me in someway I push them away (even friends). I really want to be normal how do I stop being idk I guess scared of relationships??? It’s a circle that after each cycle pushes me a bit closer to the edge.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
