kisuke
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The title of this thread might sound silly , but i've seen a lot of guys here struggling with loneliness , not just with women but in general , absence of friends seem to be a problem here , and as someone who has a pretty decent social circle , there's ways to approach making friends / acquaintances , i'll try my best to give you methods so that even if you're bitchless , at least you'll be bitchless with friends ( this thread is aimed towards guys who legit have no real life social interactions )
MINDSET :
- i think it is important to understand that just like with women , you're not owed anything , just like you're not owed love , you're not owed friendship . past a certain age , most people already have established group of friends , so as an outcast , it's very very unlikely someone will come up to you to be your friend out of nowhere , we're not in anime . so be aware of this , YOU will have to make efforts , YOU will have to take the first step . i feel like sadly a lot of you guys got egos and think you're better than people , but if you don't want to rot alone for the rest of your life , you will have to put that ego to the side .
THE REASON PEOPLE BECOME FRIENDS :
- the most important factors that make people become friends are : repeated interactions and added value . so seeing each other frequently and adding something to each other's lives , that could be laughter , that could be a common interest in a niche subject , that could be other people in your social circle ( girls for example ) , if you can add value to someone's life in any way , and repeatedly interact with them , chances are you will become friends pretty fast . understanding that , you need to indentify your qualities that can make someone's life more enjoyable , you're funny ? you give good advice ? you're good at school ? good at sports ? can play an instrument ? anything about you that will make people look at you in a bright light should be things you should focus on when interacting with others , being bland and boring will NEVER make someone want to be friends with you .
HOW TO INITIATE INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE :
- after you identified traits about you that could make you more likeable in other's eyes [ and btw if you think you have nothing interesting about you , don't be opposed to a bit of jestermaxxing but don't make it excessive , it's good to be able to laugh at yourself but never make yourself a clown , you're just opening a barrier to be disrespected and be the butt of the joke constantly ( i'm speaking from experience ) ] . you have to be able to indentify people who could be receptive to you , and that's very important . you'll notice a lot of times , people are friends with people who resembles them ( athletes hanging around with other athletes for example ) and this is because people care about how other groups of people see them . if you dress extremely basic trying to become friends with a guy into fashion makes no sense , he won't want to be seen in public with you . so you have to be self aware , i know most of you guys are pretty antisocial , you have no business trying to talk to guys who are known for being socially popular . so a lot of you will have better success talking with someone who's usually alone like you
-anyways let's talk about the actual approach , most of you guys are probably 15-20 ish so a large majority of you are in school . And even if school frienships aren't the most solid most of the time , it's good to break loneliness and develop good social skills to apply outside of school . building a good social circle starts with making just one friend the best way to approach people at school that worked for me a lot is noticing details about people and complimenting them about it , a lot of times in their outfit , i remember a good friend i made in middle school because he had shoes i wanted for a while so i went up to him complimented him about it and then started a cordial conversation . it's all about having a cordial conversation that will put a good image of you in their head , you don't have to become friends right away or ask to hang out , a 1 minute conversation could be enough , engage with a compliment or a remark , ask their names what classes they take etc , and say bye have a good day , have a good positive energy , smile but don't be too excited , it's a first interaction to stay chill . after that it's about repeated interactions like i said earlier , and it can be simple greetings everytime you see them , saying hello to them everyday makes them used to your presence and your face , and at some point when it makes sense , engage another conversation , and in that conversation , get to actually know them , and make them see the interesting traits about yourself , this is when you can crack jokes , show more of your personality , talk about yourself etc... Once you then know each other better , add each other on social media , and if the convo went well , carry it on there and once again , don't be clingy or talk too too much , you're still in a "getting used to each other" phase . if the interactions went well , you should be talking more regularly at school and on social media , once you're used to talking to each other , ask to hang out , but do something fun and engaging like going to play sports , or watch a movie , this will get you closer to each other and during that activity , you can start getting to know them more personally , ask questions about girls , about his family etc... and from that point , repeat activities and good conversations , and you will realize you and this person are good acquaintances / friends
DEVELOPING YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE :
- most of the time , that person you just befriended will have friends of its own , and at this point the most important is being someone enjoyable to be around , don't focus on certain people while leaving others with no attention , don't make yourself too important , you're the new guy so just go along with them , inject in conversations but don't be obnoxious , just like with the first friend you make , it will take time for people to get used to you , it should be faster since you already got a stamp of approval from someone in their circle , so with time you will be integrated and you will benefit from the social circle of the first friend you made and more people to talk to / hang out . and with these new people is even more social circles you can be appart of but don't overdo it trying to be friends with everyone , focus on a small circle that you will be more focused on and hang out with , and you will naturally have acquaintances outside of that strong small circle that will know you and that you can have plans with . at that point you will be a part of the social environmment of your school and won't be an outcast anymore . it will take time , most likely multiple months , but it will worth being less lonely .
to conclude i think the most important points are to let go of any ego you can have , and just focus on being nice to be around , even if you have to fake smiles sometimes , normies just like to have enjoyable companies , talk about enjoyable topics and do enjoyable things , don't start talking about politics religion or autistic topics off the rip , maybe do in the future if you realize they might be interested in them , but your mission in the beginning is to be as NT as possible and that probably won't be that easy , you maybe even will get ignored by some people , it's a process and you will learn with time .
Anyways hope this thread will help some of you , will probably make more threads if it helps , and if you DNR at least rep for the effort
@itzyaboyJJ @trench @girthygirt @IHATEINDIANS my first high effort post
MINDSET :
- i think it is important to understand that just like with women , you're not owed anything , just like you're not owed love , you're not owed friendship . past a certain age , most people already have established group of friends , so as an outcast , it's very very unlikely someone will come up to you to be your friend out of nowhere , we're not in anime . so be aware of this , YOU will have to make efforts , YOU will have to take the first step . i feel like sadly a lot of you guys got egos and think you're better than people , but if you don't want to rot alone for the rest of your life , you will have to put that ego to the side .
THE REASON PEOPLE BECOME FRIENDS :
- the most important factors that make people become friends are : repeated interactions and added value . so seeing each other frequently and adding something to each other's lives , that could be laughter , that could be a common interest in a niche subject , that could be other people in your social circle ( girls for example ) , if you can add value to someone's life in any way , and repeatedly interact with them , chances are you will become friends pretty fast . understanding that , you need to indentify your qualities that can make someone's life more enjoyable , you're funny ? you give good advice ? you're good at school ? good at sports ? can play an instrument ? anything about you that will make people look at you in a bright light should be things you should focus on when interacting with others , being bland and boring will NEVER make someone want to be friends with you .
HOW TO INITIATE INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE :
- after you identified traits about you that could make you more likeable in other's eyes [ and btw if you think you have nothing interesting about you , don't be opposed to a bit of jestermaxxing but don't make it excessive , it's good to be able to laugh at yourself but never make yourself a clown , you're just opening a barrier to be disrespected and be the butt of the joke constantly ( i'm speaking from experience ) ] . you have to be able to indentify people who could be receptive to you , and that's very important . you'll notice a lot of times , people are friends with people who resembles them ( athletes hanging around with other athletes for example ) and this is because people care about how other groups of people see them . if you dress extremely basic trying to become friends with a guy into fashion makes no sense , he won't want to be seen in public with you . so you have to be self aware , i know most of you guys are pretty antisocial , you have no business trying to talk to guys who are known for being socially popular . so a lot of you will have better success talking with someone who's usually alone like you
-anyways let's talk about the actual approach , most of you guys are probably 15-20 ish so a large majority of you are in school . And even if school frienships aren't the most solid most of the time , it's good to break loneliness and develop good social skills to apply outside of school . building a good social circle starts with making just one friend the best way to approach people at school that worked for me a lot is noticing details about people and complimenting them about it , a lot of times in their outfit , i remember a good friend i made in middle school because he had shoes i wanted for a while so i went up to him complimented him about it and then started a cordial conversation . it's all about having a cordial conversation that will put a good image of you in their head , you don't have to become friends right away or ask to hang out , a 1 minute conversation could be enough , engage with a compliment or a remark , ask their names what classes they take etc , and say bye have a good day , have a good positive energy , smile but don't be too excited , it's a first interaction to stay chill . after that it's about repeated interactions like i said earlier , and it can be simple greetings everytime you see them , saying hello to them everyday makes them used to your presence and your face , and at some point when it makes sense , engage another conversation , and in that conversation , get to actually know them , and make them see the interesting traits about yourself , this is when you can crack jokes , show more of your personality , talk about yourself etc... Once you then know each other better , add each other on social media , and if the convo went well , carry it on there and once again , don't be clingy or talk too too much , you're still in a "getting used to each other" phase . if the interactions went well , you should be talking more regularly at school and on social media , once you're used to talking to each other , ask to hang out , but do something fun and engaging like going to play sports , or watch a movie , this will get you closer to each other and during that activity , you can start getting to know them more personally , ask questions about girls , about his family etc... and from that point , repeat activities and good conversations , and you will realize you and this person are good acquaintances / friends
DEVELOPING YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE :
- most of the time , that person you just befriended will have friends of its own , and at this point the most important is being someone enjoyable to be around , don't focus on certain people while leaving others with no attention , don't make yourself too important , you're the new guy so just go along with them , inject in conversations but don't be obnoxious , just like with the first friend you make , it will take time for people to get used to you , it should be faster since you already got a stamp of approval from someone in their circle , so with time you will be integrated and you will benefit from the social circle of the first friend you made and more people to talk to / hang out . and with these new people is even more social circles you can be appart of but don't overdo it trying to be friends with everyone , focus on a small circle that you will be more focused on and hang out with , and you will naturally have acquaintances outside of that strong small circle that will know you and that you can have plans with . at that point you will be a part of the social environmment of your school and won't be an outcast anymore . it will take time , most likely multiple months , but it will worth being less lonely .
to conclude i think the most important points are to let go of any ego you can have , and just focus on being nice to be around , even if you have to fake smiles sometimes , normies just like to have enjoyable companies , talk about enjoyable topics and do enjoyable things , don't start talking about politics religion or autistic topics off the rip , maybe do in the future if you realize they might be interested in them , but your mission in the beginning is to be as NT as possible and that probably won't be that easy , you maybe even will get ignored by some people , it's a process and you will learn with time .
Anyways hope this thread will help some of you , will probably make more threads if it helps , and if you DNR at least rep for the effort
@itzyaboyJJ @trench @girthygirt @IHATEINDIANS my first high effort post
