Socialmaxxing? Help

[needsurgeryasap]

How to socialmax and improve communication skills? I'm retard level asocial. Send me book suggestions and where to socialise in UK. Thanks

 

[Deleted member 4797]

reading fiction improves verbal fluency + mind sharpness + cognitive empathy. so your social skills overall go up noticeably

 

[needsurgeryasap]

reading fiction improves verbal fluency + mind sharpness + cognitive empathy. so your social skills overall go up noticeably

Damn, I only read non-fiction. No wonder people tell me i’m robotic

 

[Deleted member 4797]

Damn, I only read non-fixtion. No wonder people tell me i’m robotic

force yourself to do it, it legit works. I feel much better when im reading fiction, I enjoy socialising more

 

[Bert7]

Getting a sales job will change your life. Every day interacting with clients/customers in person and over the phone. People above you, below you. In-person interactions, meetings, zoom calls.

One of the highest paid professions in the world.

 

[needsurgeryasap]

force yourself to do it, it legit works. I feel much better when im reading fiction, I enjoy socialising more

I will thanks. Do you know a good book with convo style that will actually help me with conversations and communication?

 

[$tackThatMoney]

I would first suggest you have a look at this post I made last month:

https://looksmax.org/threads/nt-guide-fundamentals.226815/#post-3877238

Watch this fantastic video on unapologetically expressing your true personality and being a source of good energy:



If your social skills are poor, as you say they are, I would (for now) stay away from books like The 48 Laws of Power or How To Win Friends and Influence People entirely. Instead, focus on improving your fluidity by saying yes to as many social invitations as possible (even if you don't feel like it), and being proactive in creating plans with friends.

The best resource for your development will be TV shows - they will advance your sense of humour and give you an idea of social 'flow'.

Suggestions:

• Peep Show (amazing wit, great examples of how to behave socially (Jeremy), and how not to (Mark))
• Californication (Hank Moody's blasé attitude + lack of fucks is a great study on groundedness)
• The Inbetweeners (since you're from the UK chances are you've already seen this, but a classic to revisit)
• Family Guy (great combination of dark + ridiculous humour)

I've suggested a lot of comedies because cracking jokes and being positive is an easy win, socially.

Ultimately, being liked and creating a good social life off the back of that is about providing value.

There is the more superficial aspect of value, like having the social intelligence to bring alcohol to a party/gathering you might be invited to (also important), and critically, the personal aspect of value - i.e. creating and/or adding to a good atmosphere.

I'm sure you've been in mealtime situations (whether at school, or with family/friends) where there is a 'good' side of the table, where the fun, cool people are sitting, and for whatever reason, you are surrounded by a group who are boring and weird.

You have two choices:

1. Be upset with this, not present your best self, try and listen in and be part of the preferred side of the table's conversation (or even try and move, making those you are sitting with hate you)
2. Accept the unideal nature of your current situation, and look to yourself, instead of others to have a good time. Be the one telling stories, cracking jokes, etc.

If in this situation you resign yourself to having a bad time, what are you sub-communicating to yourself? That the party is where others are at, not where you are - which is a terrible mentality. Of course, look to put yourself in situations with the 'cool' people as much as possible - but when you can't do anything about it, make the best of it.

Positive self-talk is of great importance. And you'll need it, because if you're going to start speaking up more and taking more social 'risks' (which you will need to do to improve) - you have to be prepared to fuck up. To become a powerful communicator, you are going to have to tell stories that are boring, jokes that no-one laughs at, and mess up handshakes that you might not normally go for. There is a learning curve, and failure is part of that - as is the case with Chess, learning a language or instrument, playing a sport or practically anything else.

Best of luck.

 

[Deleted member 4797]

I will thanks. Do you know a good book with convo style that will actually help me with conversations and communication?

American Psycho has a lot of funny dialogue, but its about a psychopath lmao and theres lots of torturous killings in it.

If you liked the movie American Psycho, then it would be a good choice (albeit a fucked up book).

 

[Deleted member 10536]

I would first suggest you have a look at this post I made last month:

https://looksmax.org/threads/nt-guide-fundamentals.226815/#post-3877238

Watch this fantastic video on unapologetically expressing your true personality and being a source of good energy:



If your social skills are poor, as you say they are, I would (for now) stay away from books like The 48 Laws of Power or How To Win Friends and Influence People entirely. Instead, focus on improving your fluidity by saying yes to as many social invitations as possible (even if you don't feel like it), and being proactive in creating plans with friends.

The best resource for your development will be TV shows - they will advance your sense of humour and give you an idea of social 'flow'.

Suggestions:

• Peep Show (amazing wit, great examples of how to behave socially (Jeremy), and how not to (Mark))
• Californication (Hank Moody's blasé attitude + lack of fucks is a great study on groundedness)
• The Inbetweeners (since you're from the UK chances are you've already seen this, but a classic to revisit)
• Family Guy (great combination of dark + ridiculous humour)

I've suggested a lot of comedies because cracking jokes and being positive is an easy win, socially.

Ultimately, being liked and creating a good social life off the back of that is about providing value.

There is the more superficial aspect of value, like having the social intelligence to bring alcohol to a party/gathering you might be invited to (also important), and critically, the personal aspect of value - i.e. creating and/or adding to a good atmosphere.

I'm sure you've been in mealtime situations (whether at school, or with family/friends) where there is a 'good' side of the table, where the fun, cool people are sitting, and for whatever reason, you are surrounded by a group who are boring and weird.

You have two choices:

1. Be upset with this, not present your best self, try and listen in and be part of the preferred side of the table's conversation (or even try and move, making those you are sitting with hate you)
2. Accept the unideal nature of your current situation, and look to yourself, instead of others to have a good time. Be the one telling stories, cracking jokes, etc.

If in this situation you resign yourself to having a bad time, what are you sub-communicating to yourself? That the party is where others are at, not where you are - which is a terrible mentality. Of course, look to put yourself in situations with the 'cool' people as much as possible - but when you can't do anything about it, make the best of it.

Positive self-talk is of great importance. And you'll need it, because if you're going to start speaking up more and taking more social 'risks' (which you will need to do to improve) - you have to be prepared to fuck up. To become a powerful communicator, you are going to have to tell stories that are boring, jokes that no-one laughs at, and mess up handshakes that you might not normally go for. There is a learning curve, and failure is part of that - as is the case with Chess, learning a language or instrument, playing a sport or practically anything else.

Best of luck.

Watched the video and ngl, didn't manage to take away much from it.
The dude is annoying af, with his screechy voice and faggy mannersims, also talks about handjobs/asks for one from other guys. Lots of words, little substance. He didn't seem powerful or socially "well" adjusted person himself. Seemed to be coping/overcompensating for his many flaws. Why/how do people like that even get involved in such a thing. Mystery to me.
You're overthinking, dude.
Just draw "energy" from within, bro.
It's all in your mindset, you know?
It's nothing to do with your looks, just bee confident, tee hee.

 

[$tackThatMoney]

Watched the video and ngl, didn't manage to take away much from it.
The dude is annoying af, with his screechy voice and faggy mannersims, also talks about handjobs/asks for one from other guys. Lots of words, little substance. He didn't seem powerful or socially "well" adjusted person himself. Seemed to be coping/overcompensating for his many flaws. Why/how do people like that even get involved in such a thing. Mystery to me.
You're overthinking, dude.
Just draw "energy" from within, bro.
It's all in your mindset, you know?
It's nothing to do with your looks, just bee confident, tee hee.

I can see how you'd feel that way. However, I think it's an important skill to learn from what aligns with your value system and discard the rest. Pliny the Elder felt that even the worst book had golden nuggets.

I respect his opinion on having an optimistic mindset because he acknowledges that one must simultaneously accept the difficult reality of the world. That said, granted, he's not someone I'd look to as an authority on masculinity.

Whilst you believe he is 'coping', this video will provide value to many who watch it.

Speaking of value, I notice you have taken the time to criticise my suggested resource, but not to help OP with suggestions of your own.

Since you are so opinionated, perhaps you could leverage that into a good outcome for those who are struggling with social skills.

 

[Deleted member 10536]

I can see how you'd feel that way. However, I think it's an important skill to learn from what aligns with your value system and discard the rest. Pliny the Elder felt that even the worst book had golden nuggets.

I respect his opinion on having an optimistic mindset because he acknowledges that one must simultaneously accept the difficult reality of the world. That said, granted, he's not someone I'd look to as an authority on masculinity.

Whilst you believe he is 'coping' in many ways, this video will provide value to many who watch it.

Speaking of value, I notice you have taken the time to criticise my suggested resource, but not to help OP with suggestions of your own.

Since you are so opinionated, perhaps you could leverage that into a good outcome for those who are struggling with social skills.

Obviously, I'm not a somebody who could give a good advice on the topic, I don't do that well myself... I can talk with girls, confidence is not an issue, I don't have anxieties, it's just who I am is not an overly social person.
I value entirely different things. Such as closeness to the person, deep and meaningful conversations, genuinety, honesty. I prefer 1 on 1 conversations over any other kind of social event. I seek meaning from relations and don't look at it from the jestermaxx position, such as that clown is trying to imply being the optimal thing to do.
His "mindset" imo is not even optimistic, I can't quite put it correct right now, but I'd just say it's much closer to hedonism, if anything. He didn't seem a positive person to me at all. Rather fake, actually - smoke and mirrors. Snake oil salesman. 0 trust.
I had actual struggles before, really bad ones. I have no clue how I fixed it, what I did. So even if I experienced it and went through it, in the end I don't have much to offer as an advice... Actually thinking back on it, it just made no sense to myself to have had such issues/problems. It seems irrational/illogical. Maybe it's just a process of aging.

 

[Gonthar]

Watched the video and ngl, didn't manage to take away much from it.
The dude is annoying af, with his screechy voice and faggy mannersims, also talks about handjobs/asks for one from other guys. Lots of words, little substance. He didn't seem powerful or socially "well" adjusted person himself.

That's a known scammer, one of the reasons the blackpill community appeared, first time on puahate.com, after many people got less than stellar results after taking his courses and seminars.

 

[$tackThatMoney]

Obviously, I'm not a somebody who could give a good advice on the topic, I don't do that well myself... I can talk with girls, confidence is not an issue, I don't have anxieties, it's just who I am is not an overly social person.
I value entirely different things. Such as closeness to the person, deep and meaningful conversations, genuinety, honesty. I prefer 1 on 1 conversations over any other kind of social event. I seek meaning from relations and don't look at it from the jestermaxx position, such as that clown is trying to imply being the optimal thing to do.
His "mindset" imo is not even optimistic, I can't quite put it correct right now, but I'd just say it's much closer to hedonism, if anything. He didn't seem a positive person to me at all. Rather fake, actually - smoke and mirrors. Snake oil salesman. 0 trust.
I had actual struggles before, really bad ones. I have no clue how I fixed it, what I did. So even if I experienced it and went through it, in the end I don't have much to offer as an advice... Actually thinking back on it, it just made no sense to myself to have had such issues/problems. It seems irrational/illogical. Maybe it's just a process of aging.

I understand your position - whilst I am very loud and outspoken in group social situations (ENTP), I am most happy 1-on-1 with someone close also.

Jestermaxxing is such a negative term for it - granted, we all know people who overcompensate with humour (perhaps you feel he does), but the message still stands. On a deep level, laughter makes people forget their pain. If it is coming from a place of self-expression, and not approval-seeking, humour is a fantastic tool socially.

I respect that you know your values and disagree with his approach on a personal level. I also had tremendous struggles socially growing up, and I essentially brainwashed myself with this guy's old videos, to the point where I am now NT with a great social life - so I am keen to share his advice/defend him wherever I can.

 

[$tackThatMoney]

That's a known scammer, one of the reasons the blackpill community appeared, first time on puahate.com, after many people got less than stellar results after taking his courses and seminars.

I disagree with a lot of his PUA content - on the whole he is not someone people should take advice from with regards to dating. However, his philosophy on mindset and self-belief is extremely valuable.

 

[chance]

force yourself to do it, it legit works. I feel much better when im reading fiction, I enjoy socialising more

any recommendations though?

 

[Deleted member 4797]

any recommendations though?

idk man anything that takes your interest. theres millions of fiction books, American Psycho is about a narcy looksmaxxer and its funny, suits incel humour. Its also got great dialogue, but its fucked up a little with the gore and kills.

 

[chance]

idk man anything that takes your interest. theres millions of fiction books, American Psycho is about a narcy looksmaxxer and its funny, suits incel humour. Its also got great dialogue, but its fucked up a little with the gore and kills.

I actually recently read a book from a man who got heavily influenced by American Psycho, the guy is Mike Ma; the book is Harassment Architecture.
You should take a look, really, really good.
Might as well check American Psycho.

 

[Deleted member 4797]

I actually recently read a book from a man who got heavily influenced by American Psycho, the guy is Mike Ma; the book is Harassment Architecture.
You should take a look, really, really good.
Might as well check American Psycho.

will add it to my to read list, thanks.

 

[WayneBraaaah]

How to socialmax and improve communication skills? I'm retard level asocial. Send me book suggestions and where to socialise in UK. Thanks

If you want socialmaxx via getting in social circles, I would suggest you to join free masons, as you are in UK. Or any other aasociation. If you are a student, participation in student council is great way of improving social skills.

For socialmaxxing just as skills, I would recommend impro theather.

 

[DicedFeta]

Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre by Keith Johnstone is a good read. Number one thing for socialmax is to not have everything being about yourself(don't think about how you look, what you should say next etc.. be present and listen, this is HARD). Most people enjoy talking about themselves so let them. If people don't talk to you something is probably off with you like awful looks or weak body language.

 

[OCDMaxxing]

How to socialmax and improve communication skills? I'm retard level asocial. Send me book suggestions and where to socialise in UK. Thanks

There is one book, but its so powerful I will never recommend and I don't need you fags to increase social competition

 

[lasthope]

There is one book, but its so powerful I will never recommend and I don't need you fags to increase social competition

 

[needsurgeryasap]

There is one book, but its so powerful I will never recommend and I don't need you fags to increase social competition

Tell me bich

 

[vLotus]

I would first suggest you have a look at this post I made last month:

https://looksmax.org/threads/nt-guide-fundamentals.226815/#post-3877238

Watch this fantastic video on unapologetically expressing your true personality and being a source of good energy:



If your social skills are poor, as you say they are, I would (for now) stay away from books like The 48 Laws of Power or How To Win Friends and Influence People entirely. Instead, focus on improving your fluidity by saying yes to as many social invitations as possible (even if you don't feel like it), and being proactive in creating plans with friends.

The best resource for your development will be TV shows - they will advance your sense of humour and give you an idea of social 'flow'.

Suggestions:

• Peep Show (amazing wit, great examples of how to behave socially (Jeremy), and how not to (Mark))
• Californication (Hank Moody's blasé attitude + lack of fucks is a great study on groundedness)
• The Inbetweeners (since you're from the UK chances are you've already seen this, but a classic to revisit)
• Family Guy (great combination of dark + ridiculous humour)

I've suggested a lot of comedies because cracking jokes and being positive is an easy win, socially.

Ultimately, being liked and creating a good social life off the back of that is about providing value.

There is the more superficial aspect of value, like having the social intelligence to bring alcohol to a party/gathering you might be invited to (also important), and critically, the personal aspect of value - i.e. creating and/or adding to a good atmosphere.

I'm sure you've been in mealtime situations (whether at school, or with family/friends) where there is a 'good' side of the table, where the fun, cool people are sitting, and for whatever reason, you are surrounded by a group who are boring and weird.

You have two choices:

1. Be upset with this, not present your best self, try and listen in and be part of the preferred side of the table's conversation (or even try and move, making those you are sitting with hate you)
2. Accept the unideal nature of your current situation, and look to yourself, instead of others to have a good time. Be the one telling stories, cracking jokes, etc.

If in this situation you resign yourself to having a bad time, what are you sub-communicating to yourself? That the party is where others are at, not where you are - which is a terrible mentality. Of course, look to put yourself in situations with the 'cool' people as much as possible - but when you can't do anything about it, make the best of it.

Positive self-talk is of great importance. And you'll need it, because if you're going to start speaking up more and taking more social 'risks' (which you will need to do to improve) - you have to be prepared to fuck up. To become a powerful communicator, you are going to have to tell stories that are boring, jokes that no-one laughs at, and mess up handshakes that you might not normally go for. There is a learning curve, and failure is part of that - as is the case with Chess, learning a language or instrument, playing a sport or practically anything else.

Best of luck.

Why would you suggest avoiding those books. Wouldn't those books overall contribute to their social awkwardness.

 

[$tackThatMoney]

Why would you suggest avoiding those books. Wouldn't those books overall contribute to their social awkwardness.

I think those books are very valuable, but there is the risk of blindly listening to every piece of advice within them, especially if you are inexperienced socially.

Since OP says he is poor interpersonally, he should get his base level of communication skills up first.

How To Win Friends and Influence People advises you to address people by their name (good). However, I have met people who have clearly read it and have a poor understanding of social dynamics in general. Their constant use of my name in conversation made me feel extremely uneasy, and it became clear that they were non-NT.

Any tool that has the potential to be useful can be equally as destructive.

 

[randomuser2407]

There are tons of PDFs right here on the topic of social skills, including a list of the best books on social skills: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1B8fkeVy32b3k5FpDSMG-jMg2j1Ou4c4U?usp=sharing

For the entire PDF list of advice on various topics (career, dating, relationships, manipulation, power) go here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1JRbO1FinLj5i9YTzCauJqjUP-A6ZWqns?usp=sharing

For a tinder, texting, dating and retention (relationship and fuckbuddy) guide, go here: https://killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide-4/

For a full tinder guide go here:

Everything listed on this post is free.

 

[6ft8InTheNetherlands]

I tried toastmasters which is public speaking training and even that didn't work for me.

I remember this very weird guy who was trying the same thing. He was there for years and he STILL looked and appeared unnatural and awkward.

Getting a sales job will change your life. Every day interacting with clients/customers in person and over the phone. People above you, below you. In-person interactions, meetings, zoom calls.

One of the highest paid professions in the world.

There's not much you can do if you have poor social skills. You can looksmaxx all you want but changing your brain is a different story.

 

[Bert7]

I tried toastmasters which is public speaking training and even that didn't work for me.

I remember this very weird guy who was trying the same thing. He was there for years and he STILL looked and appeared unnatural and awkward.



There's not much you can do if you have poor social skills. You can looksmaxx all you want but changing your brain is a different story.

There's lots you can do, but it will take time.

-Lots of sun
-outdoors often
-organize and maintain a clean home & vehicle
-gym + mobility + sport
-nutrition on point
-supplementmax
-fashionmax
-cut out all cancerous content on your social media
-cut out all shit friends/associates
-sleep hygiene maxxed
-shadow work journaling
-meditation/soundbathing/breathwork
-having goals
-working towards something
-hot & cold therapy

Extra:
-attend seminars
-ayahuasca
-pay for hypnotism, past life regression, energy work
-subliminals

Doing everything on that list simultaneously in your week to week life should put you in a state of optimization. So that all of your social interactions are coming from a grounded state and deep understanding of who you are.

 

[curryslayerordeath]

bro if u need to ask online forums on how to socialize, its kinda over

 

[needsurgeryasap]

There's lots you can do, but it will take time.

-Lots of sun
-outdoors often
-organize and maintain a clean home & vehicle
-gym + mobility + sport
-nutrition on point
-supplementmax
-fashionmax
-cut out all cancerous content on your social media
-cut out all shit friends/associates
-sleep hygiene maxxed
-shadow work journaling
-meditation/soundbathing/breathwork
-having goals
-working towards something
-hot & cold therapy

Extra:
-attend seminars
-ayahuasca
-pay for hypnotism, past life regression, energy work
-subliminals

Doing everything on that list simultaneously in your week to week life should put you in a state of optimization. So that all of your social interactions are coming from a grounded state and deep understanding of who you are.

I really wanna try hypnotism thanks foe reminding