santnewgen
Iron
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2025
- Posts
- 178
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- 99
I thought I would change after improving my testosterone levels beyond, but truth is i feel the same, I dont sense a bit change of any insight me other than a subtle notable more confidence in myself as human being, yet it doesnt make every worry or insecurity dissapear. I just dont fit anywhere I´ve gone/visited ever since im alive, I guess at best only one person I have felt "normal" to be with but other than that it wasnt anything special, tho the idea itself doesnt make me feel "bad" like im missing out on things, I still cant understand why I am unable to be part of something, human conection just doesnt work for me, its like im a genetic-human failure who isnt able to play the role of a human in our modern world, fell in desgrace I cant hate nor love whats infront of me. As i also feel like im disconecting from myself i cant seem to progress on what I used to do, in what used to characterize me, im slowly flying away from who i was and going on a path of blindness where my future isnt anywhere to be seen other than the secure failure that will be present wherever I go and whatever I do, I wish for things to be different, for them to be a certain way but it doesnt matter becasue wishing wont change anything, its a waste of thought, but acting wont do anything either so what point is there anymore, I just wanted something but that something isnt achievable to me due to the certain conditions ive been set to live throught and follow as this natural selection has chosen me as their portrayer. I wish i was divine, theres nothing worth found in playing the human, other than suffer and missalignent. Though i dont believe in Christian God, I think there has to be some kind of entity whos incharge of everything subtly, not physically nor as an individual but in a more self reality way, I just would love to leave behind everything that counters the aspects and ideas of what is Divine.
To be Satan would be beatiful, a beatiful way to experience pain and punishment, i guess that was human´s fate bibicly tho I have little to no knowledge about those topics.
To be Satan would be beatiful, a beatiful way to experience pain and punishment, i guess that was human´s fate bibicly tho I have little to no knowledge about those topics.
