markored
Iron
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2026
- Posts
- 1
- Reputation
- 1
I just have pure hatred for myself and what my life has become. For context, I am a 5,5 (Asian) immigrant, Middle class and fresh into uni (18). I was raised by my grandparents for basically my entire life, didn't end up learning my mother tongue because my grandparents just gave me an iPad to watch all day and never spoke to me. Parents never gave a fuck about me growing up, fed me slop everyday, never cared about any of my hobbies or aspirations, always working, I am nothing more to them than a way to keep the bloodline alive. Everyday is just torture, I have crazy acne that runs through my entire body (like every square inch of my back and face is covered despite being on meds and skincare), I have 2 friends (only talk to them once a month) and have never had any sort of female attention my entire life. I can't even understand anybody from my race because of the language barrier, which makes it so that finding a girlfriend is 10x harder. There is nobody I talk to about my problems, it's just been me and myself for my entire life. My Mom works from the ass-crack of dawn until midnight and my Dad only visits 4 days out of a month, this has been consistent for my entire life, my Dad has missed almost all my birthdays, special events, etc... Both have the traditional asian mindset. Grew up extremely obese with no father figure, was bullied by classmates for being fat, ugly, asian etc... They would take photos of me and insult every characteristic that I had. My crush told me right to my face that I was fugly and that nobody ever liked me. They sent me voice recordings of their insults. Going into highschool nothing changed, I got jumped for liking a girl and they took a video, all the girls hated me because of this and I never got any attention from females after that point. Tried to become a popular kid but ended up just becoming a jester and labeled a weirdo. At this point I was ~185 lbs and ~5,4. When I mean life was hell, it really was, just went to school, didn't feel comfortable doing anything, pimples everywhere, would come home to my mother arguing about nothing meaningful, invisible to any sort of woman, watched corn to cope, played video games all day, broke, parents told me the gym would stunt my growth (I was 15 at the time) and never let me go outside. I would never wish that life upon my worst enemy, all I could do was watch others enjoy their lives while I had to live that nightmare. I was basically forced to study all day, which eventually led to burnout my senior year. Parents were furious I got 70s-80s and never forgave me since. Wanted a gap year to fix myself and focus on ecom but they forced me to take a uni course I have 0 interest in. The only thought I had was that one day it would get better, I went on a cut and lost 45 lbs, I spend all my time at uni to avoid my parents, currently doing ecom to make money and leave this city, doing 3k a month of profit on avg. maybe one day i'll be free, maybe thousands of km away, somewhere free, where I can truly live my life and be myself. Maybe a height lengthening surgery and a glp will do the trick haha...
exactly what i was thinking
