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Something very strange has been happening recently.
I went to an evening service last night. It was an evangelical service, mainly to see my friends, since I’m Pentecostal but have been leaning more toward Orthodoxy over the past few weeks. While I was there, I was still praying the Jesus Prayer, and I even had a rosary in my pocket just in case.
I’ve also stopped wearing my glasses because people have said I look better without them. So when I walked in, I greeted my friend on the hosting team, then went inside. I was kind of blind without my glasses, which made me a bit self-conscious. I thought a group of girls at the front might have been looking at me, but I could’ve just been overthinking it. I noticed some friends to my left, but I ignored them because another friend called me over to sit with him.
The main point is this. I’ve prayed to saints twice now when things have been really bad. The first time was on Pascha, when I had intense intrusive thoughts, almost like I couldn’t control what was going on in my head. It felt claustrophobic, like I wanted to shout things out just to release it.
The second time was more recent. I had the same intrusive thoughts, along with really strong anxiety while I was in church. I kept thinking, every time I come here, I hate it. I hate being around all these people. The music was loud, drums, everything, and I couldn’t think or pray properly. It just made everything worse.
But during those moments, I started asking saints to pray for me. I didn’t even know which saint, just any saint related to anxiety or struggle. I even started the prayer by saying, “Lord, I’m sorry if this is heresy, but I’m really struggling.” I mentioned that I don’t fully believe in certain doctrines like heaven in the traditional sense, more like soul sleep, and I know that’s controversial.
But here’s the strange part. Every time I prayed to a saint, my stress and anxiety just went away. Not gradually, but almost immediately.
Something really weird is happening, and honestly, it’s pushing me more and more toward Orthodoxy.
@PrinceLuenLeoncur @Jesus_ist_König
I went to an evening service last night. It was an evangelical service, mainly to see my friends, since I’m Pentecostal but have been leaning more toward Orthodoxy over the past few weeks. While I was there, I was still praying the Jesus Prayer, and I even had a rosary in my pocket just in case.
I’ve also stopped wearing my glasses because people have said I look better without them. So when I walked in, I greeted my friend on the hosting team, then went inside. I was kind of blind without my glasses, which made me a bit self-conscious. I thought a group of girls at the front might have been looking at me, but I could’ve just been overthinking it. I noticed some friends to my left, but I ignored them because another friend called me over to sit with him.
The main point is this. I’ve prayed to saints twice now when things have been really bad. The first time was on Pascha, when I had intense intrusive thoughts, almost like I couldn’t control what was going on in my head. It felt claustrophobic, like I wanted to shout things out just to release it.
The second time was more recent. I had the same intrusive thoughts, along with really strong anxiety while I was in church. I kept thinking, every time I come here, I hate it. I hate being around all these people. The music was loud, drums, everything, and I couldn’t think or pray properly. It just made everything worse.
But during those moments, I started asking saints to pray for me. I didn’t even know which saint, just any saint related to anxiety or struggle. I even started the prayer by saying, “Lord, I’m sorry if this is heresy, but I’m really struggling.” I mentioned that I don’t fully believe in certain doctrines like heaven in the traditional sense, more like soul sleep, and I know that’s controversial.
But here’s the strange part. Every time I prayed to a saint, my stress and anxiety just went away. Not gradually, but almost immediately.
Something really weird is happening, and honestly, it’s pushing me more and more toward Orthodoxy.
@PrinceLuenLeoncur @Jesus_ist_König
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